The Truth About Partnership

I think most of us have heard the saying, a partnership is 50/50. The truth of it is, many days it is not 50/50. There are times when either our partner, better half, significant other, spouse, best friend, etc or ourselves are not able to pull our weight in the relationship. There are times when it is more like 70/30 or maybe even 90/10. There are times when the other will carry the bulk of the relationship on their shoulders and will likely feel stressed by it, but should remember that sometimes it’s the other way around.

A true partnership has many ups and downs. No relationship is perfect, no matter how wonderful some make theirs look to their loved ones, every relationship has its issues. All of the posts about flowers they got from their boyfriends or husbands, the amazing meals and gestures their wives or girlfriends made them, the romantic nights, the terrific family vacations, or how perfectly happy they appear in pictures, there is always more to the story then the rest of us see or yes, more than we ourselves share when we’re the ones gushing about our amazing partners and “perfect” relationships.

Growing up, many of us have fairy-tale relationship expectations. We think we will find our prince or princess and ride off into the sunset together, living happily ever after. Happily ever after does exist, but not in the perfect state of bliss we imagine it to be. There are sleepless nights, arguments over petty stuff, short tempers, illnesses, financial struggles, death of loved ones, loss of a job, differences that are hard to overcome, lies, grudges, rough days that lead to one or both taking it out on their partner, issues with the kids, and so much more that get in the way of perfection. They say, “don’t go to bed angry.”, but the truth is, sometimes it happens. Sometimes we are too hurt or angry in the moment to talk calmly, sometimes we need moments to ourselves to calm down, sort things out. None of that means that a couple is unhappy or that their relationship is failing. Every relationship struggles from time to time.

Does the good outweigh the bad? Do you trust your partner, do they trust you? Do you respect one another? Do you make one another laugh, smile, and enjoy life? Do you love one another? If so, then you know that the bad will come, but it will pass and until it does, you work together to get through it. It won’t always be 50/50 through those tough times, but that’s okay. Expecting 50/50 all the time is unrealistic and unfair. What should be expected is that you give your best, whether it happens to be 10% or 90% at any given time will vary, but always give the best you can. When you’re the one pulling a lot of the weight, try to remember the shoe will be on the other foot and when your partner is the one lifting you up, be thankful for that and do the same when they need you to do the same for them.

A true partnership works together daily, giving the best of themselves each day to make it work. Whether you’ve been together one week, a year, or 50 years, nothing changes that it is a daily effort to make your relationship last. If it is worth it to both people, then both must give of themselves. It won’t survive on the efforts of just one. We may not be able to give 100% of ourselves each day, but we can give the best we have each day. I urge you to look at your partner in a new way today, to see them the way you did in the very beginning. Think about how they have changed over time and about how you have changed, the good and the bad. How have you inspired one another while together? Let’s face it, partners habits, ways of thinking or doing things, and so on rub off on one another. Have you helped your partner become better throughout the time you’ve been together, have they done so for you?

Let today be a day of reflection about our relationships, our partners, and ourselves. May we work on lessening the weaknesses and making the strengths even stronger. May our relationships grow, may we get closer to our partner, and may we find more love and compassion for ourselves as well. We can be our own worst critics, so I also urge us to find ways to see us the way others see us, especially those who see our beauty, strength, and worth. When we love ourselves, let go of guilt and regret, we can be better partners and also better parents, children, friends, and so on. May today be the beginning of changes, healthy ones. Our relationships will benefit from them, as will we and those we love.

We’re Americans First

The election is over. We have our 45th president and his name is Donald Trump. I will start out by saying, I didn’t vote for him and nor did I vote for Hillary Clinton. (I voted Independent for the presidential candidate.) Not that I generally make it known who I vote for in any election, but I wanted to make it clear here that while I didn’t vote for Trump, I have accepted the election results. I think it is time the rest of the country follow suit.

I am seeing horrible things on the news, in the papers, and on social media in response to the election. Many of the people rioting, participating in violent acts in protest, bashing anyone who voted for Trump, and so on are also those who claim they want to see positive changes in this country. Those changes start with us. If we want to see America become great again, then we need to begin by doing some personal reflection and make the changes within ourselves.

Spreading hate is not helping, it is only making things worse. What are we teaching our children? It is okay to be unhappy with the results if you truly feel that Trump isn’t the man who should be running our country, but it is not okay to protest in such ways that elicits violence and cruelty towards others. The best thing any of us can do is accept the results, make the best of it, and be the changes we want to see in America. Bashing one another and rioting will not change the outcome, it will not suddenly make Hillary our president. How many people heard Hillary’s concession speech? How many people heard what Obama had to say? Neither of them are happy about the election results, but they are behaving like mature adults, at least on camera. 😉

We don’t have to like the results, but reacting in the ways that many have been doing is only fueling the hatred that’s already too powerful. Kids are being bullied at school over this, friendships are dissolving, families are at war with one another, and this country is divided by yet another thing. It is really sad. Just because someone voted for Trump or Clinton doesn’t mean they embody what we don’t like about the candidates. The people we love are still the same people. They didn’t suddenly change and become racist, immoral, or indecent. Remember who we are at the core and don’t let this change how we view one another. Now is the time to come together, not grow further apart. We already have enough issues, sure don’t need to add more.

I would also like to point out something else. Many have been focusing on solely the presidential candidates and have forgotten about their local governments, which controls much of what goes on in our day to day lives, what happens in our communities. We should not neglect our duty to support our local governments. Do the research, learn what our local politicians truly stand for, and vote. These elections happen more often than every four years too, know what’s going on in your communities and be a voice for hope and positive change. Our aldermen, sheriffs, judges, mayors, etc are elected by us too, shouldn’t we know who sits in those positions of authority and power?

We are a country that is all too often divided. Republicans v.s. Democrats, Packers fans v.s. Bears fans, white v.s. black, rich v.s. poor, Christians v.s. just about any other religion, gays v.s. straight, and so on. I would like to point something out, we’re Americans first. I heard the speech President Obama gave yesterday and agreed with many key points. I was never a huge fan of his, but I have to give credit for how he has handled the election results. His speech really got to me. I would credit it as one of the greatest accomplishments of his presidency. It may sound silly, but honestly, his reaction to Trump being elected says something about him. How you transition from your position of power says a lot about one’s character. I think that phrase he uttered was what hit me the most. It is something we all need to remember. No matter where we’re from, what our background is, what color our skin is, what we believe in or don’t for the matter, what our sexual orientation is, or anything else that could divide us, WE ARE AMERICANS FIRST! Let that sink in and let us find our way back to being a country that’s united.

Lazy Sunday

The morning started out busy

Chores galore for us all to do

In this heat, it was enough to make me dizzy

But now we’re able to relax

Such a good feeling, being able renew

 

Baseball, chatting, & just spending time together

I love having this time to spend with my family

We’re a silly flock that is of the same feather

And yet so different, such individuals that are unique

Thanks be to Him for this gift of true beauty

Merry Christmas to all!

 

I won’t be online much after this morning for a little while. We begin our traveling and family festivities today and I am so excited. To me, Christmas is first about celebrating the birth of my Lord and Savior. Second, it is about celebrating love. I want to give the love I have for others throughout the year, no matter what day it is on the calendar, but during this season…when so many struggle financially and emotionally, all the more do I want to do this. Third, it is about family & friends, our most cherished loved ones. I have spent some holidays alone and it isn’t a fun experience. I have also spent some of them with friends because they didn’t want me to be alone. I am grateful for their love, kindness, and hospitality. When I am given the chance to do the same for others, I do because I know how it feels to spend them alone and want to help others feel loved and remind them they’re not alone. Fourth, while it’s not truly about the presents, I will admit it feels good to give and to receive. God teaches us to give, encourages us to do so, and so this is why I do it…not to dishonor Him by putting up decorations and buying gifts…forgetting about Him….no, this is to honor Him and what He wants us all to do…to love one another and to give of our love, time, and whatever we can to those around us.

This year, we will be incredibly busy. When you’re in a serious relationship, things change. It’s no longer about just me, it’s about us. So, we’ll be going to some of his family celebrations and then also to some of mine. We are family now and so this is how that goes. 😉 Oh, it will be crazy with all the traveling, the bad weather afoot, and so on….but like I said earlier, I am so very excited. I will get to see people I so rarely get to spend time with. Throughout the year, they’re so busy, but this is the one time we all gather together. Family means so much to me. I hope all of you who read this has a very Merry Christmas! To those who don’t celebrate Christmas, whatever it is, may it be full of love, family, and togetherness. If you don’t celebrate anything, then still I wish for you good days filled with happiness, friendship, and love. It doesn’t matter what day it is, what season, what holiday, or any of that…I try to celebrate love every single day of the year. ❤

Side By Side & Heart to Heart

Oh might I just say that I love everything about you

Especially your heart that’s so giving, loyal, & true

I can say that I’ve seen you at your worst & at your very best

But even in your darkest hour, being loved by you leaves me feeling so blessed

 

And you love me as I am, never asking me to forsake my mind or my heart

Because our love is built upon mutual trust & respect, we’ll not be torn apart

For daily we work together on our relationship that’s worth it to defend

One where we walk side by side as one another’s lover and friend

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Remembering isn’t always easy, but I don’t want to forget….

November 17th, 2012 was a day that shook up the lives of many people, people I would come to know and love. My boyfriend and I had only been dating for a month at the time. We’d just gone out the night before in fact to celebrate. That day we were supposed to meet up at a friend’s for their daughter’s birthday party. I received a text from him that day that said there’d been a family emergency, so he’d be unable to attend. I was curious, but I did not pry. I went about my business and did what I could to help make Hali’s birthday party a success. Hali did have a good time and so looking back on that day now, there was some sunshine upon that day to be grateful for….

Well, anyway, I eventually went back home to check on my grandma, whom I was taking care of at the time. I told my friend I might be back to keep her company. She had an apartment full of pre-teen girls, so having another adult there would be appreciated. 😉 When I was at home and I was settling in for the evening, my boyfriend messaged me online and told me what was going on. His mother died that day. She had cut herself and then they think she second guessed what she was doing and tried to get help, as she was headed in the direction of the hospital. No one knows for sure, but we’re hoping. She crashed the car, they think she might have passed out from the pain. Her faith in God was strong, but she’d been dealing with a lot lately, a lot that no one really understood. My heart broke instantly upon reading Doug’s words. I didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t met his family yet, we were a new couple, and I wanted to approach this in appropriately, only I wasn’t sure how. (I did go back to my friend’s, needed emotional support and she needed the company. It was good to have her to talk to that night.)

The next day was bowling league and he showed up. He told us he probably would because he needed to get his mind off things. He was a bit rough for the wear, as was to be expected. We told him he did not need to be there, but he stayed, and did the best he could. We gave him love and support. He told me later that his dad wanted me to come to the funeral. They had been wanting to meet me, granted not under these circumstances, but he felt I should be there. I had told Doug it was up to him, whether he felt it inappropriate for me to be there or if he needed me to stand beside him. When he told me he wanted me there and that his family wanted me to come, I decided to go.

The wake/visitation was rough. His dad hugged me when he met me, fell apart in my arms. I broke down a bit, but I held him. I hugged so many people that day, many I don’t remember today. There was a lot of crying, some laughing too as they recalled memories of her. I was told by more than one person they were glad I was there to support Doug. I know now, it was the right place to be, by his side. It’s where I want to be for the rest of my life, through the extremely good and the heartbreakingly tough. We’re approaching the one year mark since she died. Sunday is going to be very emotional for him and his family. I will be right where I was a year ago, holding his hand and supporting him. His family is wonderful and I am glad I have been able to get to know them. Many times I wish I had gotten to meet them under better circumstances and more so, that I had gotten to meet his mom, alive. But, I have gotten to know her in a different way. I am grateful for the pictures I have seen, the stories I have heard, and I think the greatest part of her I see is in her children. She and Phil raised three wonderful children, all driven to succeed, who have outstanding morals, and have such warm and giving hearts. Her legacy shall live on through them and her grandchildren, as well as the rest of her family and her friends. So many people miss her and Sunday will be rough, but love will help us through. It is not easy to deal with death, even though it’s something we all face. But, with God’s love and grace….and time, we won’t fully heal, but we’ll make it.

I Would Go Anywhere With You

What might I say to you

That would be something new?

I wish not to bother or bore

Or give you cause to snore

 

To become predictable isn’t something I desire

I want to live a life full of passion and fire

Let us go on an adventure, two, or maybe even three

Take my hand, there are many things I want you to see

 

Let us see distant lands

With beautiful lakes and golden sands

You could wander with me in my dreams

To places where the sun off our skin gleams

 

I would go anywhere with you

Or try anything bold, brilliant, and new

There are many sights to see, things to do, and foods yet to try

The possibilities are as endless as the sky

 

I am ready whenever you are

Let’s set our sights there upon that very star

If we set out together as a team

Then I believe nothing is as impossible as it might seem

 

Let us have God light the way

Wherever He might, wherever He may

Through seemingly endless stormy nights

That reveal within us the brightest of lights

We Are One

It’s been a rough day

Nothing has gone right

I want to make the stress go away

Forget today and let’s call it a night

 

You walk through the door

With that adorable half smile on your face

Oh how you make my heart soar

Don’t you know you’re my happy place?

 

It’s easy for you to tell it’s been a rough one for me

But you don’t run from my side

Instead you remain calm and allow my emotions to run free

Promising to be there even when it’s a bumpy ride

 

You take me in your arms and kiss my lips

Worries and cares melt away like snow in the sun

I feel peace flow from my toes all the way through to my fingertips

No longer is it just me or you, now we are one

Instead of a pricey affair this Valentine’s Day, I choose this instead….

This Thursday is Valentine’s Day. Instead of going out to a fancy restaurant, we chose to eat bacon cheeseburgers that we had once before at a local pub within walking distance. We might get in our two free weekly practice games at the lanes we bowl league at or we’ll just watch some Archer on DVD. We’re not buying one another pricey gifts or doing anything out of the ordinary. Why? Some people are into that, we’re not. We choose to treat it as another chance to spend time together, as another simple date night. We don’t need a date on a calendar to celebrate our love, we do this throughout the year. I don’t offer the world on a silver platter, but instead I offer my mind, heart, and soul to the one I love. How do I best convey what’s going on inside the many facets of my mind? Well, usually I do this through the gift of poetry….

 

The ground is slick

The rain froze from the night before

Walking along as carefully as I can

About halfway there, I begin to fall

You catch me before my head hits the ground

 

Since you’ve entered my life

That’s how it’s felt

Before I hurt myself

There you are, catching me

Saving me from myself

 

My brain tries to make sense of this

From a mental and emotional perspective

You have had so many chances to run away

To rid yourself of the mood swings and insecurities

Would I have really been able to blame you if you had left?

 

You see something wonderful in me

A light in the darkness

The rainbow in my heart after the storm it raged

Holding my hand throughout it all

Always believing in me and in us

 

I have cried so many tears in the past

It was really hard at first to let that go

To trust, to let the walls of uncertainty fall

Looking in your eyes now

I see there’s no longer a need to hide from the world

 

You encourage my dreams

Push me to move forward

Melting away doubts in myself with your certainty

You have made me believe

In you, in us, and in me

 

If ever I question your feelings for me

I just have to stare into your warm brown eyes

They light up brighter than any star

They smile at mine

And pour out devotion, compassion, and love

 

The world around us doesn’t disappear

We don’t need to escape reality

We have learned how to dance in the rain

Smile and laugh through the rough moments

When the world grows colder, our love grows stronger

 

I could imagine a world where it was just the two of us

Everything is green beneath our feet

The air so sweet, tasting of cinnamon and honey

No harsh winds or rain to dampen our days

Sunshine and eternal peace

 

But that would be boring

And unrealistic

Nothing and no one is perfect

Embracing the difficulties and seeing your way through

That is when you realize how strong and how true love is

 

Adversity must be faced

Trials will come along

Do you last or do you break apart?

It’s not been long for us

But already we have faced so much together

 

Looking back through it

I know we made it because we had one another

Holding your hand in mine

Seeing the love in your eyes

I finally believe if it’s humanly possible, we will achieve it

 

So here we stand together

Ready to face what life has in store for us

Some things will be great and some not so wonderful

It’s going to be one heck of a journey

I am incredibly excited to see the path that lies ahead

 

~* This is my true gift to you this “Let’s spend unneeded money” day, my devotion and love. For Doug, yesterday, today, and for all the tomorrows we’re given. *~