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Archive for May, 2013

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We’re mostly settled into our new place. It’s a tad small, but we’re making due with what we have. I love our little house! My son gets to see it for the first time this evening when I bring him home for the weekend. His room is all finished and I am excited for him to see it. There are a few surprises that await him, like some football and baseball cards that Doug was collecting from his childhood, a Packer’s helmet, a Brewer’s helmet, my old camera that had a SD card in it for him to use, etc.ย 

Really all that is left for us to do is hang pictures, put together the bookshelf, put the books away, break down boxes, then reorganize the laundry room, and get the new belts put on the washer and dryer. I thought about taking pictures of the inside of our home, but I want to wait till we’re DONE, but that will be SOON, I promise. ๐Ÿ™‚ The internet will be installed tomorrow, right now I am using my computer at my grandma’s yet. (I would have posted sooner, but was quite busy packing, unpacking, rearranging, etc….my mind wasn’t on posting. *smiles*) I will be taking it there this afternoon so I can set it up so that Time Warner can do the installation. It’s all coming together!!!ย 

I hope all is well in the land of WordPress! End May with smiles and laughter and may June begin the same way. Much love to all of you, take care!

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Girl Next Door

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I’m not your typical girl

Or really your typical anything

Yeah sometimes I’m a lot to handle

But definitely worth the difficult times

I’m done apologizing for where I’ve been

And for who I was, because I love who I am

 

Not a beauty queen

Not the trophy girl to show off

I don’t want to wear a plastic smile

So if a fairy tale princess is what you’re looking for

Go on and look next door

 

High heels, sneakers, jeans, & skirts

I can be a tomboy

But sometimes I’m the girly girl

I play my music loud

And sing it even louder

I’m not afraid to show you who I am

 

Not a beauty queen

Not the trophy girl to show off

I don’t want to wear a plastic smile

So if a fairy tale princess is what you’re looking for

Go on and look next door

 

My heart is on my sleeve

I love fiercely with all I have

I tend to be the peacemaker

Hate seeing people fight

But if you attack those I love

I will do what’s right

 

Not a beauty queen

Not the trophy girl to show off

I don’t want to wear a plastic smile

So if a fairy tale princess is what you’re looking for

Go on and look next door

 

Be real or go home

Find your castle in the sky

Ride your pretty unicorn through the clouds

But don’t mind me if I’m here in reality

Living my dream

Just living my dream…..

 

Not a beauty queen

Not the trophy girl to show off

I don’t want to wear a plastic smile

So if a fairy tale princess is what you’re looking for

Go on and look next door

 

Just go on and look next door

‘Cause that’s not the girl I am

Never was, never will be

Never was, never will be….

Just checking in

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I have been so busy lately, oi. (This has been mostly a good thing!) I swear I haven’t forgotten any of you though. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Now on top of all the moving stuff and job hunting, I am sick too. Oh joy of joys. ๐Ÿ˜‰ My son came home on Friday with what seemed like a minor cold and I seemed to escape it until Monday evening. (poor kiddo was worse for the wear on Saturday, but got right onto caring for him, so hopefully between myself and now what his dad is doing, he’s better now.) I now have bronchitis, not surprised because I have chronic bronchitis and asthma. However, enough whining!

The closing date on the house is tomorrow and we begin moving in and should be done this weekend. I am nearly ready to go, just have my pictures to wrap up once I have containers for them and I will have them when I am done with laundry (laughs) and keeping a few bathroom things out that I still need to use yet and will be putting those into my backpack later. We went shopping Monday evening for basics, it was so exciting, a bit expensive, but cool none the less. ๐Ÿ™‚ I am so ready for this next chapter to begin!!!

I have a great guy in my life, a wonderful son, and some pretty terrific friends that I am surrounded by on a constant basis. There are some pretty outstanding family members and friends that I don”t get to see often as well, can’t forget to acknowledge the difference they make in my life, even if it is from afar. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Doug’s dad gives me work when he can so that I can feel productive and have a little cash. Help is coming for Grandma and still doing the best I can for her until things change that way, glad I have been able to do this for her. Life has some pretty big bumps along the way, but the good outweighs them in the end and they also teach me and help me grow.

I won’t have internet for a little while once we move, so don’t be alarmed WordPress family, I am still here and will be back to posting more regularly once things have settled down a bit. Till then, I hope you all are out there living life to the fullest! Make cherished memories, let kindness and good deeds happen naturally, love fiercely and with all you have, and live each moment being grateful for the time you’re given. I love you all, be back soon!

A beautiful day in so many ways….

Today marks seven months together for Doug and I. I find myself more in love with him every single day. We have been through so much in seven months. He lost his mother, my grandma had a stroke and was also diagnosed with Dementia, he’s had issues with work, I am still looking for work, various family and friends issues, my mood swings, etc….but we have found it easier to get through all of that knowing we’re not alone and any problem one of us faces, we decided it’s not just their problem…it’s ours and we will band together as friends and as a couple and see one another through everything.

We take our next step in our relationship next week. He closes on the house he’s buying on May 23rd, which is my mom’s birthday. ๐Ÿ™‚ We’re moving in together. It’s scary and exciting at the same time. While we practically live together now, we know it will be different actually living underneath the same roof, but we’re ready. One more week and then everything changes! I move out, my uncle moves back in, but I am still going to be checking on my grandma and taking care of the house until she goes into an assisted living place. This will be huge for Doug, owning a house. He’s a little nervous, but mostly excited, well, we both are. I can hardly wait to see what lies ahead for us….

It’s a beautiful day here! It’s sunny and warm, no chance of rain! So, I think I am going to go make the most of it in a few moments before I have to go do some work for Doug’s dad. What a blessing he’s been, his whole family really. Later, he will grill out for Doug, himself, & I. It’s going to be a lovely evening!!! The only way this day could get any better is if my friend’s bar is able to open tonight, making the venture for he, his mom, and everyone connected to this a reality. I am excited for this as well! Oh and, if I could just get a job offer too. ๐Ÿ˜‰ But either way, it is a good day, so now it’s time to go make the best of it…hope you’re all able to do the same!

A message to the past

Dear Past,

I am writing this letter to tell you it’s over. I can’t spend every day with you anymore. The truth is, I have outgrown you. Now and then, we have had our good times. You have made me smile and laugh when pleasant memories enter in. So, I can’t say this is an easy thing for me to do. The truth is though, there have been more bad times than good with you. Often times, it’s the harsh memories you choose to share with me and I am done living that way. I can’t live within yesterday. I regret to inform you that I have found someone better for me. The present treats me with me with more respect, values me, and doesn’t hold my former mistakes against me. It has shown me that there is so much life left to live and has given me such hope that any tomorrows I am given will be brighter and full of so much love and laughter. I will miss you now and then, but I know that it is for the best that we part ways. Thank you for everything, for every lesson you taught me, for the good times, and for making me who I am today. I am sure I will look at pictures now and then, but only to remember the good times. Your hold over me is done, no longer can you hold me back or hold me down. Our time together has certainly been one heck of a journey, but it’s end has come. Every end is bittersweet, but sometimes you just have to let go so you can embrace what is to come. Thank you again! Maybe when we see one another again, the bitterness will be gone and we can be friends. If not, well, I will still carry the good memories with me always.

Sincerely,

The new me

One Day Soon

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As dawn approaches, her day ends
She takes her mask off
Remnants of the day go down the drain
Pulling her hair into a sloppy ponytail
All things sexy and frilly are on the floor

This isn’t the life I imagined, she thinks to herself
Once upon a time
I dreamed of something better
How did I end up here?
Sighing, she crawls into bed alone

She had aspirations of such things like college
Earning a degree and making an honest living
Finding the right guy perhaps, getting married
Maybe even have a couple of kids
You know, the white picket fence and other such things

Staring at the ceiling as the light peers in
She recalls the day her life changed
Someone offered her an easy way to make money
Assured her she’d have a bright future
Would never have to worry about how she’d make her way

He was right about the money, she makes plenty
But her life feels so very empty
There’s no one to share her dreams with
She goes to bed in tears nearly every night
Praying for the courage to change

“I’m better than this.”, she whispers to herself
Somehow I have to make things right
Use the money I have earned for school
Make something from the nothing I feel inside
It’s not too late to rekindle my old dreams

I just need the courage to walk away from this
To change, to go after a better life
“Give me the strength I need.”, she prays
My life will be one of meaning and purpose
I know it’s not too late, she tells herself

Closing her eyes finally, hoping for sleep
She resolves to change, to make things right
The courage I need is within me
I will find it and I will do this
One day soon

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For anyone who has ever been there, who has ever wondered how they got where they are, has ever struggled with having the courage to change…this is for you. I am not sure why I chose the scenario that I did, it just came to me, but the message is the same no matter what anyone is going through. Courage can be found and it’s not too late to turn things around, not as long as one still has life left within them.

In honor of mothers and mother figures….

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This is my mom, it was taken in May of 1994. My mom doesn’t like taking pictures, but she knew how much it would mean to me to do this, so she set it up for a Mother/Daughter event for us. ๐Ÿ™‚ Isn’t she beautiful? I LOVE this picture of her!

I know Mother’s Day is Sunday, but I won’t be on here, my day will be too eventful. I am cooking for my mom, grandma, uncle, and son. It’s a dish that my mom and grandma like, even have their favorite pies chilling in the freezer till it’s time for them to thaw. ๐Ÿ˜‰ At some point, I will also be with Doug, supporting him and his family as it will be a hard day dealing with the loss of his mom. It’s going to be an eventful day, so I wanted to write today while I have some time before my weekend gets busy, which it’s going to in the next hour or so. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you moms out there! I hope it is an amazing day! It is nice to have a day that honors all the hard work done, sacrifices made, and love given. I also want to do a shout out for the dads who are playing both roles! You don’t get nearly enough recognition and I just wanted to take a moment to do just that! Much love also goes out to the step-moms, aunts, grandmas, foster moms, and so on who raise other’s kids as their own. This day (well Sunday, May 12th) is for you, all of you!

So, yeah, I honor my own mother this day. We haven’t had an easy journey together, but we have made it, still standing. ๐Ÿ˜‰ I know deep down she has done her best and that she loves me with all she has. I love her, so much. Thank you, Mom, for so much, especially over the last couple of years! Thank you!!! I also want to give my personal shout outs to my step-mom, Cindy…..

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This is her with my son when he was oh so little. ๐Ÿ™‚ So, this was taken in late 2002. She has accepted me as part of the family, even though I am not one of her children. I met her and my dad when I was 10. My parents split when my mom was still pregnant with me. He did propose after I was born, but my mom had already moved on. Peace has been found between my parents, so while it’s not an ideal situation, it’s really not so bad. I just have another parent to love that loves me. Cindy is an amazing mom to her three kids, a great step-mom to me, a good wife to my dad, and a wonderful grandma to all of her grandchildren. Thank you, Cindy for all you do!

And next to my grandma…..

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She has been an amazing support to me throughout my adult life. I can’t begin to say how very grateful I am to her for all she has done for me. She has been a grandma, a mom, and a friend to me during my life. I seriously don’t know what I’d have done without her. So many times I was lost, felt stuck, was drowning in my mistakes, and there she’s been to pick me up each time. I love her more than I could ever say. Thank you, Grandma! Thank you, I will be forever indebted to you. (picture was taken a very long time ago, not even sure if I was alive or not lol, but I just love this one of her.)

And the reason I am honored this day, I would love to share with you also….

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This is my son and I, last summer. He’s shown me the true meaning of unconditional love. To love one person for their entire life, no matter what they do or say, no matter how mad you get at them….you don’t give up, you don’t walk away. He has saved me, in ways he doesn’t even realize. I love him, so much! I know I am not the perfect parent….so much to learn, still need to grow a lot, but we all have that to deal with….even after our kids are grown. He is my joy, my light, the greatest gift from God given to me. I love my kiddo!

For those who don’t have their mom around anymore, my heart goes out to you. I pray that you have a good day somehow….remembering the good times with her, knowing perhaps that she is proud of you today. I know this day will be rough for my boyfriend’s family, as it’s their first Mother’s Day without her. I hope to be of support to them, hoping they can find ways to smile, to think of her as she was, laughing about funny memories, and just honor her for the wonderful mother she was. I hope my cousins who still struggle with the loss of their mother can do the same. My heart is with all of you who miss your moms….

But for those of you who still have yours around, do let her know how special you think she is, how loved she is by you. I know some aren’t even close at all to their moms, been there before with my own…so, if it’s not your mom…choose someone who was/has been your rock, your support to honor. Honor someone who has been there for you and shown you the love and care you need.

Again….Happy Mother’s Day to all of the moms and mother figures out there, hope it is a day full of love!

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