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Archive for January, 2014

The Key To Happiness….

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The key to happiness can’t be found in someone else’s possession. It should be on a chain around your own neck, ready to open any door you’re ready to walk through to make your dreams come true. No one is in charge of your life, your dreams, or your happiness but you. If you want to do something or go somewhere, then do it. Don’t look for validation or ask for permission when it comes to what you do with your life. Yes, we should think of other’s feelings, not be crass or rude, but when it comes to your life….don’t let others call the shots. Don’t make excuses. Don’t look to friends, family, or even your spouse/partner to take charge of your life. If you want to be happy, it’s on you to make it happen. It’s your life, remember that. ❤

Aflame, ready to make this year mine, ready to shine….

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I don’t typically get into things like horoscopes, astrological signs, etc. Yes, I know what sign I am and that I am even born within the cusp of two signs. I even know for the other zodiac that I am born in the year of the horse. Well, as many posts have stated today….2014 is the year of the horse. Both my son and I are horses. Well, while I don’t generally pay a lot of attention to such things, I decided to take this year of the horse thing and run with it. 2014, may it be a year when things truly change and may it a year full of growth, goals being achieved, and even more laughter and love than the last. I am on fire, aflame, ready to make this year mine, ready to shine…

Within My Mind

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Within my mind, there are many moods, thoughts, feelings, fears, and dreams. It reminds me a bit of the movie, What Dreams May Come starring Robin Williams. Sometimes it’s so beautiful and one can’t help but be entranced with what they find. Melodies and harmonies that pair together like no other and vibrant colors that can light up the night’s sky, truly I could paint you a world that you’d never want to leave. And then there are times when I would barricade you from the entrance.

My mind can be a dark and scary, full of nightmares…combine every horror movie I have ever seen, every dark thought and fear, and you still haven’t a clue how bad of a place it can be. Sometimes it’s an angry place, though sometimes it’s just so full of despair. Don’t wade in the waters too deep. They may seem serene, but notice the chill in the air and the dark clouds that surround you? Don’t be pulled down, the voices inside me warn you. The ever changing winds can carry you from blissfully happy to sickeningly depressed to unhinged anger and then back to that peaceful place so fast you have no idea what just happened.

Overall, these days my life is fairly good and I do count myself as truly blessed. This doesn’t take away the demons that battle within me, but it does make it easier to fight them off. When it gets truly horrific, I go to God in prayer and He does help me. They’re never gone for good, but they can be kept at bay. Living with bi-polar and schizophrenia has not been easy, but with every passing day, it gets easier to deal with.

Over the years, I have been able to replace medication with music: both listening to it and singing it, writing, reading, taking walks, having long talks with those most trusted, prayer, and also a confidence within myself that tells me my illnesses do not own me. I will fight it for as long as I live and I must say this, I really have come a long way from where I was. I remember a day when most of my statuses were depressing. I really couldn’t see just how beautiful my life could be. I wanted a good life, but truth be told, I held it at arms length because I was scared of getting close to anything good. I am not scared anymore. Life isn’t always wonderful, but the journey is amazing.

Thanks to all who stick by me, who ignore the caution tape, and proceed full steam ahead…standing by me, weathering every storm, not just there when all is calm and peaceful. Seriously, thank you. Your friendship, loyalty, and love have been the sails I have needed many times when I wondered how I’d get through. And the most thanks goes to first, my Lord, my Savior for always being there, for always seeing me through, and for giving me such amazing blessings like family and friends like you that read these things. 😉 Also, thanks to my love…he knows that battles within me, and all he does is hold on tight when he needs to….promising to stand by me and his promises have always held true. Thanks to my closest of friends and relatives, both those who struggle the same way that I do, giving me people who can relate and truly help in ways I can’t explain….and those who don’t understand, but it doesn’t matter to them….you love me, you see the good in me, you pray for me, you help me through. For all each of you do, know this…I am thankful and I love you. ❤

I just wanted to say….

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To all who read my blog, whether it’s just now and then or whenever I post…I just wanted to say, THANK YOU! Your support means a lot to me. Now and then I like to post blogs such as these to let you all know just how much I appreciate each and every one of you. Your support is beyond appreciated! And hey, thank you for being you, for posting what you want without apologizing to anyone else for how you feel or who you are. *hugs to all of you amazingly beautiful people*

The Sun Sets On The Past & Rises On The Future….

The weekend is here, well just about. Though only an hour and 12 minutes remain till I punch out, it feels like there are still hours to go. Oh, make that an hour an 11 minutes. 😉 Soon, I will leave, pick up my son from school, and then return home so that we can let our puppy out, feed her and our kitten, and then start to prepare dinner. I suppose to many that sounds dull, a Friday night at home with my son, boyfriend, and pets…just watching stuff on Netflix, maybe play a board game or two, play with our animals, and then at a decent hour, call it a night. I remember the days when I wouldn’t even leave the house until a time when I am now in bed or at least getting ready to do so in the near future. Oh, it’s down to an hour an eight minutes now. So, anyway, yeah, life was once a giant party. For some I know, it still is. Would you call me old then or at least boring because my nights out on the town are few and far between? Do you think me lame for not craving to be a part of that scene anymore? If you do, that is your opinion of my situation. 😉 My opinion is this, that chapter of my life has ended. I don’t feel the need to continuously party, drink, stay out late, and be anywhere but home anymore. But that doesn’t mean I view my life as dull and boring either. It is still full of excitement, good times, friendship, and most of all, love. It’s that my priorities and what I view as fun has changed. There is a season and time for everything that happens in your life. It just so happens that my time for some things has come to an end and yet for others, it’s only just beginning. Happy Friday everyone! (oh and hey, it’s only an hour and one minute away now.) 😉

The Daily Opinion – Ukraine

I do pray this….and for violence all over the world to end. Dear Lord, please hear my prayer, all of our prayers. In Your name, Amen.

Today You Are You, That Is Truer Than True….

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Dr. Seuss was a brilliant man. One of my most favorite quotes of his is, “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.” He’s so very right. There is no one that is or ever will be more you than you, not even say an identical twin or perhaps even quintuplet. 😉 Don’t strive to be anyone else but you. You were made to be you and not anyone else. And no one can be you, no matter how hard they might try. Don’t try to steal someone else’s light, but don’t you dare let yourself fade into the shadows either! Shine your own bright light across the night’s sky. Know your own worth deep inside. Don’t rely on another to show you who you are. And know how very specially special you were made, unique and wonderful, it’s so very true. So go out there today, tomorrow, and every day after and be the best you that you can be, because there really is no one quite like you.

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Celebrate Life Now

Celebrate Life

I was listening to K-Love yesterday and a listener called in and told them about how they celebrated the life of someone they love BEFORE they died. The lady that called in talked to us about her mother who had terminal cancer and knew she didn’t have long. She’d heard the idea on K-Love and decided it was something that she wanted to do for her mother. So, she planned out the event to take place on her mother’s birthday. She wasn’t sure how it would turn out, but she knew it was something she wanted to do, no matter how many people showed up. They expected maybe 15 people to show up, but 65 people attended and it was such an amazing and positive experience for everyone. Her mother was able to be surrounded by people who loved her, who celebrated her life and all she’d done. Since then, her mother did pass away and I can imagine it’s been hard for her and her family. But, she said that doing this for her mother is something she’s so glad she did. Her mother got to know just how important she was, how much she was loved while she was still here.

I really liked hearing that story, moved me quite a bit. I know there are many times when doing something like this isn’t possible, but then, who says we should wait till someone we love is dying to celebrate their life? I try throughout my life to show those I love how much I appreciate, respect, and love them. Though, when someone we know is dying, I think it especially a good idea to throw a celebration of their life. Why not give them something to remember in the days they have left that will touch their heart? Life is precious and all too fleeting. We should make the most of it and part of that is showing those we adore how much they mean to us, how important they are. I wanted to share this story and idea with all of you. Perhaps even one of you will be touched by this, perhaps even one of you will take something from it and then share your own story of celebration, life, and love with others so that your story will then inspire others to do the same. All it takes is one person and the willingness to share their story to ignite the flame.

Hello Today

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Hey Yesterday, I just wanted to say thank you for the lessons learned and memories made. And while I am moving on, I am sure I will still think you now and then and see you in my dreams from time to time. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to keep a part of you with me. It’s you that reminds me of who I am and where I came from. Just please don’t be too offended that I do need to move forward, that I can’t stay with you forever. Remembering you is alright, but clinging to you and refusing to look ahead won’t benefit either of us. Just know, while I am with Today, I will never forget you and that you’ll always have a place in my heart.

Hello Today, what will you teach me? What will I do and where will I go? What memories will I make and will anything I do make a difference? How will you shape my life for the future? Sometimes I focus too much on what Yesterday brought to my life and worry too much about what Tomorrow will have in store that I forget about you. I think it is important to have a part of all three of you in my life. Knowing each of you is beneficial, but focusing too heavily on either what was or what will be can be a hindrance. I have met thousands of Yesterdays and hopefully I will still get to know many more Tomorrows, but the truth of it all is…I don’t know how many more of them I will see and what I do know is that you’re only here for 24 hours. Once the clock strikes Midnight, you’re gone and you’ve become yet another Yesterday and at the same time you who were once a Tomorrow are now another Today. But how many of you will I have? God is the only one who can answer that and I know that I will only know it when my time is done. I know I need to make the most of the time you give me so that when I find myself walking hand in hand with Yesterday, talking, and remembering, I will know that I did all I could to make a good life for myself and my family, that I brought a lot of joy and hope to those I love. May my family and friends look upon all of my Yesterdays and think fondly of them, of me.

Tomorrow, you show me that there is much promise of what might be one day. You give me hope. I find myself daydreaming about you now and then, wondering about what you have in store for me and for those in my life. Since you’re not here yet, I don’t know what will happen. For as many times as I will get to see you, I know you’ll show me so much each time. Already I have known so much joy, pain, sorrow, hope, anger, fear, peace, and most of all…love. I don’t know how many more times I will get to see you, but I do hope it is at least enough times for me to do at least some of what I would like to accomplish, to give more, to be more, and to love more. I know it is okay to be excited about your arrival each day. Thinking of you gives me hope, though it also gives way to worry and leaves me feeling anxious when I focus too much on you. I can’t live like that. I need to focus the bulk of my energy on what I have with Today, not on what I had with Yesterday or what I might have with you. But know this, you too will always have a special place in my heart.

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