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Archive for June, 2014

Our Love Story

our love story

I was walking down memory lane tonight. I feel like telling our story. January 13th, 2012 is when it all began. Though little did either of us know that we’d be where we are today. I first met Doug that cold January night at an A.D.O.B tour show. I didn’t give him much thought that first time I saw him. He was dating someone else and I wasn’t over an ex of mine. Neither of us were in a position to really consider one another anything more than friends, though truth be told, we were just acquaintances for several months. We talked a couple of times when our group was hanging out. I remember one conversation in particular actually. We talked for awhile about music. It was the first time I’d really talked to him. 

It wasn’t until the summer of 2012 that we really started getting to know one another. We started chatting in August and on the 30th is when we hung out for the first time, just the two of us. He knew I was in a rough spot and needed a friend, so he asked me if I wanted to hang out. Not once did he make a move on me. He was strictly my friend for a little while. It didn’t take me long to consider him a very good friend. He was someone I could talk to about anything, turn to if I was having a bad day, that could make me laugh, made me feel comfortable, and accepted me as I was. I realized a few weeks into hanging out and talking nearly every day that I was falling in love with him. It was as our friends predicted long before we were anything more than casual acquaintances, that we’d get along, that we’d be a good match. It seemed after awhile that maybe he had feelings for me too.

As it turns out, he did. Though when I first asked him how he felt and told him that I liked him, he wasn’t as enthused as I’d hoped. He did admit to liking me, but thought we’d be best suited as friends. I was so hurt and confused. That was on Sunday, September 30th. What an awkward conversation that was. But, then the next day, he asked me if I wanted to go to a Brewer game with him. His sister couldn’t use their tickets. So, he, myself, Petrina, & Joe went to the game on October 3rd. It felt like a date, with him picking me up, walking me to the door when he dropped me off, etc….except that it was a bit awkward. Our friends knew something was there between us and well, so did we….but something was keeping us from acting on our feelings.

On the 4th, feeling frustrated and confused, I decided to ask him to watch movies with me at my apartment after work. He accepted the offer and came over. It was still awkward for awhile, but eventually, he put his arm around me. We kissed later and from then on, that was that. (the 11th was our first date, courting me at that time I guess you’d consider it.) Even though we didn’t start officially dating until the 16th. He asked me out much the same way that he proposed to me, very nonchalantly, casual. Over the moon with happiness, I didn’t care that there wasn’t some grand romantic gesture. It was enough to know the feelings that were behind the question.

January 5th, 2013, he told me he loved me for the first time. The joy I felt in that moment still lives within me today and has been growing ever since. May 23rd, 2013, we moved in together. And then we just celebrated living together as a family for a year last month. What Zach, Doug, and I have is special, beautiful, and worth more than any amount of possessions. When Doug asked me if I wanted to get married on the 21st, (it was after Midnight after all.) not a doubt was in my mind that it was time. I’d been ready for awhile, well in many ways, to marry him. But looking back on everything, I am glad it’s now that he’s asked and not then. It’s given us time to grow, solidify our relationship, and make sure we were both ready. So, the next chapter will be written on Saturday, May 23rd, 2015 when we say I do and we become husband and wife. I am beyond elated to make what we have official in the eyes of God and the state, before our family and closest friends. I will walk beside you for the rest of my life, through the good and the bad. I love you.

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Love & Marriage

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A friend of mine posted something on Facebook today and it really made me think. It was a link to what someone else wrote actually. It was about people doing more bragging about being engaged and their wedding plans than focusing on their relationship and why they’re getting married in the first place. Now the one who posted the link is engaged himself and he said he totally agrees with what this other person had to say. It touched also on people who spend more time bragging about their relationship in general than actually enjoying and maintaining it.

I have to say that I too agree with much of what was said in the article. I will admit that sometimes I talk up my boyfriend, but that is only because I do want the world to know how amazing he is. He puts up with me ha ha. Well that and I have been down some dark paths and to finally be where I am, I don’t mind if others know. I am not doing it to brag or show anyone up, but to let the people in my life know I am happy and also to give others who are where I used to be hope. I see so many wearing the shoes it took me so long to get rid of. I believe that if someone like me can find happiness and hold onto it, then it’s possible for everyone in my life that is searching for it to find it themselves. Skepticism is very understandable, been there myself, but that’s just it, because I have been there…I want others to know they’re not alone and also to know that real love and happy relationships do exist. But….there must be a line drawn. One doesn’t need to share every detail of their relationship with Facebook or anyone at all really. The relationship should still be about the two of you and not become everyone’s business.

And when it comes to love, engagements, marriages, etc….I think many have lost sight of what all of that means. First of all, people misuse the word love a lot. It’s gotten to the point that many don’t even view it as having meaning anymore. Too often, it gets said without even thinking about what it really means, how those they say it to feel about it. Love is such a powerful emotion, one that people use as a weapon or use as a means to getting what they want. It is something that should be treated with respect and care. If you really love someone, then by all means, say it. But let me add this….show it too. Words don’t mean anything if you can’t back them up with how you treat them. And please, if you don’t love them or you’re not sure how you feel, DON’T SAY IT! Don’t mess with someone’s heart that way. I, personally, do use the word love a lot, but I also mean it every single time I use it and do my best every day to show those in my life how special they are to me. I encourage more people to do that: Don’t waste time on pretenses, be honest, love, and let love in.

Engagements/weddings are supposed to be wonderful. When you’re engaged, it’s supposed to mean that you and the one you’re with have decided to spend the rest of your lives together. It’s a wonderful time in your life and you have the right to celebrate it. However, when it becomes more of a bragging fest, a cause to compete, and you’re spending more time posting on Facebook/Pinterest/etc than you are celebrating your love, cherishing the one you’re with, and working on keeping a happy and healthy relationship….well…you’ve then lost sight of why you got engaged in the first place. Something else about engagements that get to me is when people brag about the number of times they have been, seriously, like it’s something to brag about. That also means you have had how many failed relationships? People often, it seems, get engaged/married just to do it, to not be alone, to be cool, to brag, for the kids, etc and not because they’re madly in love with one another, ready to spend the rest of their lives with one another. I don’t think some realize at all what a real marriage is supposed to be. At the first sign of trouble, people are breaking up instead of working it out. Some people change their relationship status so often that it makes my head spin. Divorce/ending relationships are popular and it shouldn’t be that way. Some go into relationships/marriages now thinking, “Well, if it doesn’t work out, we can just break up/get a divorce, no big deal.” It’s really such a shame that many act like this. I know that there are a fair amount of people out there that know what a happy and long lasting relationship looks like and are able to maintain theirs, how to be a loyal friend, how to cherish life and not always be in competition with one another. So many have their priorities straight and know what they’re doing. But, sometimes it just seems like we’re the minority.

About the actual wedding itself, my feelings have changed over the years. When I was young, I wanted to have a big, fancy, expensive wedding. I wanted to be a princess for a day, no matter what it took. But the older I have gotten, the less I feel I need to have that happen. I still want my wedding to be beautiful and special, but not overpriced and overdone. I want it to be a day where my family and closest friends get together to celebrate our love, a day we remember for years to come, but I don’t want it to be the fancy stuff people remember. I want them to remember the joy, the love. Why spend so much on one day when you have a life ahead of you together to focus on? Save the thousands upon thousands of dollars on the wedding and use it on the future you two will share. Getting married isn’t or it shouldn’t be about the fancy/expensive dresses, big churches, caterers, dj’s, flowers, decorations, invitations, etc. It should be about marrying your best friend and showing the world how happy you are together, about going forward as a couple that is ready to face the world together, through the good and the bad. I know that within the next year I will be planning my own wedding and something both my boyfriend and I agreed on from the beginning is that we’d make it lovely, but simple. We want it to be memorable and happy, but we can do that without spending a fortune. Hey, if you have a lot of money or maybe your family is rich and wants to give you a fancy wedding…cool, but I still urge you not to lose sight of why you’re getting married in the first place. It’s not about how beautiful everything is….the ring, the dress, the hall, etc. Look at the one you’re about to marry and know that without a doubt that this is the one you want to grow old with. Know that you will disagree, go through hard times, face loss together, struggle with, and that it’s all going to be worth it. Know that this is the one who will wipe your tears, stick it out when you’re not easy to be with, but that they also are the one that makes you laugh even when you’re not up to laughing, gets your humor, makes you smile just by thinking of them, is your best friend, the one who will celebrate with you and encourage you, and will love you as you love them always. When you have found that person and you’re both ready….really ready, not just tired of waiting or think it’s the best you’ll do or that you should because of the kids or all of your friends are already married…..but truly ready….take that step, make that day beautiful, and fill it with more love than the money that is spent on it. True love is so precious, once you have it, don’t take it for granted and do your part to make it last.

On this day, Father’s Day…..

fathers day

I hope this day was amazing for all of you, no matter what your situation may be. Dads, step-dads, adoptive dads, foster dads, dads to be, men who long to be dads, dad type figures, single moms playing both roles, grandpas, uncles, god-fathers, and so on…..this day was to honor your hard work, sacrifices, and love for your children and families.

For me, I had many to think of today. I couldn’t be with them all, seeing as some have passed, some are too far away, etc. But, I was thinking of each of you. Thank you personally for your roles in my life. I love each of you. For my family/friends that are being honored today…know I am proud of each of you and hope that your day was amazing.

For the dads that have passed away, the children who have gone….your lights still shine and we honor you too today. On Father’s Day, knowing your dad isn’t here to be honored is an unbearable thing to deal with, watching others honor their dads when you can’t, not easy. Being a dad when your child(ren) have died can’t be an easy thing to deal with. I do sincerely hope that each of you have been surrounded by loved ones today.

Before today ends, I say this to each of you: God Bless, much love, and here’s to a great week ahead! Oh and don’t forget to show those in your life still with you how much you mean to them.

May I just Say You’re All Amazing? :)

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May I just say you’re all amazing? I may, why then I shall! I now have, including e-mail subscribers, have 501 people who read my blog. I am so very humbled by this. I truly appreciate all of you for taking the time to read my ramblings, poetry, rants, etc. Thank you for the comments, advice, encouragement, re-blogs, and likes. Your support, friendship, and kindness mean a lot to me. You inspire me with your funny stories, heartfelt tales, recipes, music videos, pictures, and poetry. I hope that this post finds you all doing well. Before I wrap this up, I will again say thank you for all you bring to my life. I love you guys and dolls. Keep on sharing/writing!!!!

Thoughts on life, family, and other such things

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Life isn’t always beautiful, but it certainly has been quite a ride thus far. The rough times in life has made me appreciate the wonderful ones, made me realize just how strong and capable I really am. The wonderful moments remind me just how blessed I truly am. Today we went to a family reunion. Spending the time with my family certainly filled my heart with joy. I loved spending time with my family. There were people there that I haven’t seen in a very long time. There were some bittersweet moments as well, most especially when talking with my grandma. She’s not the same woman I remember growing up. She kept forgetting who I am and that was very difficult for me to deal with. However, I am glad that I got to spend time with her. My cousin Lisa said that we’re going to do this every year. I certainly hope that we’re able to arrange that because we don’t get to see one another that often. Each moment spent with my family, each member, is precious. I have another reunion next month, that time will be for another side of my family. I am excited for that one as well. I am most pleased that my son gets to see his family, get to know them, and spend time with them. He had fun today and looks forward to next month as much as I do. Family is important and it’s in times like these that remind me that petty differences aren’t important and we ought to cherish each moment that we have to be together. I feel the same way about my friends as well. They are the part of my family that I got to choose. Chosen or not, they are all special to me. I hope to remember to cherish them every day I have left on this planet. I want to make the most out of life, enjoy it, have fun, be successful, and spend time with those that I love that love me. I encourage you all to do the same….don’t waste your days being angry, spiteful, bitter, or holding onto the past. We all get angry, hurt, jealous, and find ourselves doing and saying things we shouldn’t….but one must bounce back from all of that and keep moving forward. I have to keep telling myself this every single day because yes, there are days it gets difficult to think happy thoughts. We all have really rough days, it’s an unfortunate part of life. I am not here to say that life is going to be all sunshine, kittens, your team winning the Super Bowl, or that fat bonus on your paycheck. However, I am here to say that when the tough times happen, you must find a way, no matter how difficult it might be to do so, to push through. Pray, talk to those you love and trust, listen to music, take a walk, scream, cry, sing, dance, write, draw, cook, or maybe just take a nap….something….but just get through, don’t give up and don’t let the negative win, no matter how much easier it might seem to do so. We have but this one life to live, don’t waste it, but make it wonderful, one worth remembering. ❤

Rest In Peace, Marie Irene

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The tears have yet to dry, the sadness is still fresh upon our hearts when the news hits us that yet another friend has passed away. This one hits a little closer to home. This was someone I had talked to a lot over the years. Our sons had even become friends. It feels like yesterday when she and James were at our place celebrating Zach’s 6th birthday. A few years later, we got news that his dad had died. Suicide. 😦 She found him. She had to explain to her son that his dad was gone. All the while, she’s been battling Cystic Fibrosis. This young woman has gone through an awful lot and though we would go months without talking, when we would catch up, it would feel as if no time had passed. My heart is broken once more as I find that now it is she that has left us. Only recently, someone else I knew had passed. I didn’t know him well, but others I know did and my heart grieved for their loss. But now, I suffer a loss of my own as this time it’s also a friend of mine and what’s worse is thinking of James, now 11, who has lost both of his parents in just a few years time. There have been a lot of deaths within the various groups of friends that I have, many I haven’t known or known that well, but their deaths impacted many I know and so I felt pain. It is so sad, watching so many die around you. I know that life still goes on and that we best honor their memories by continuing to enjoy our lives while we have them to live. But, right in the very face of grief, that’s not so easy to think about. I do ask for prayer, for those that Marie has left behind to mourn her, most especially her son. She was so young. I am glad that she no longer suffers, but I really do miss her. Rest In Peace, sweet Marie Irene.

20 Minute Writing Exercise

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Thanks to the post I saw on Sharon‘s page, I decided to write freely for 20 minutes without thinking what I am going to write about and see what I end up with. To tell you the truth, I am not exactly sure what to say, but well, I am sure I will come up with something. I think I hyper-extended my thumb in the car accident and man does typing ever hurt right now. Clutching things is even worse. Meh, I will survive. It’s been hot and humid today. As much as the humidity and allergy season bothers me, I am grateful that the snow and cold are gone for a little while. I love it when things are green and full of life. Just seeing the brightly colored flowers, the green lawns, people out riding their bikes/walking/etc, and of course smelling the food cooking on the grills throughout the city makes me so happy. This is when I am at my best, late spring and early summer. I really do not care for winter, but I was born here and too much keeps me here right now. Maybe someday I will move away, maybe. But maybe not, only time will tell. I know that I will be here at least until my son graduates high school. I moved around a lot and that was hard for me. I don’t want my son to have to deal with all of that if I can help it. He already has a split home and that is enough for him to deal with already. Though he seems to be well adjusted to that now and it does help that he now has a positive male and female role model in both homes. The four of us work together to try and give Zach the best life possible. It was difficult when his dad and I didn’t talk much and when we did, it often resulted in arguing. It’s nice that things are finally good, that we can all communicate. Communication is key, in all relationships. Doug and I have that and that’s nice. I never had that before, someone I could really communicate with, be totally open and honest with and know that he won’t judge me, that he will listen, and that if he has something to say, he won’t hold back. Sometimes what we’re thinking or feeling doesn’t mesh with the other and it can be difficult, but we always hear one another out, and even when we don’t agree, we respect one another and their viewpoint. It’s been over a year and a half since we got together and we still haven’t had what many would consider an actual fight. I think that’s because we communicate so well. It’s really wonderful. I don’t know how I ended up with someone as wonderful as he is. But I know he thinks I am pretty special too. We balance one another out and he is great with my son, which is extremely important. I am so tired and I think I am going to fall asleep fast tonight or at least I hope so. I sure need rest after today. I sure hope that my ramblings made some sort of sense. I think I talked about a lot tonight, but this is pretty much how I talk out loud. I hope I didn’t bore anyone, ha ha. This exercise is kind of interesting, just letting my mind wander…which means I am letting it do what it frequently does anyway. I still have to put my lunch together for tomorrow. I already laid my clothes out. It helps to do this the night before because it leaves me with less to do/figure out the next day. I like to be prepared and well, I am also not a morning person, so this lets me sleep in a little longer too. *grins* Oh, my hand is really hurting. Has it been 20 minutes yet? Let me check, nope, 19. Okay, so what can I say in one minute? I’d be able to say a lot more if the space bar on our laptop didn’t stick, good grief ha ha. Well, at least it works and is a lot faster than my p.c. I think it’s time for me to get off the computer, well after I post this anyway. Ta da, it’s been 20 minutes! I think I did alright. Well, goodnight one and all. God Bless! ❤

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