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Sometimes You Lose, But Sometimes You Win…


A closed bulb that never bloomed shrinks in the darkness

Unable to find the light, feeling close to death

The time has gone by so swiftly

She thought she had more time….


Nearly 40 years have gone by

Quite likely she’s halfway through this life

This wasn’t the life she had planned

That’s what a voice whispers to her


She had big plans, many left unfulfilled

Dreams came and went over the years

Sitting all alone, wondering why

Why didn’t she do more, work harder?


The once brilliant violet hue is turning gray

But surely this isn’t how the story ends?

Can’t one still find a way while there’s still life within?

A troubled and discouaged soul asks the silent night air


Though inaudible to most, a tiny voice rings out in the night

There is time yet to get it right, if one decides to try

It’s only too late once you’re dead and dead you are not

The tiny voice has become loud enough for her heart to hear its words


You have a life, one so kindly given to you

Shall you continue to waste the precious time given to you?

Or perhaps, will you then open your eyes and move your limb so that you may finally break the curse

The one you set upon yourself, the one preventing you from truly living


But, I’m afraid, she replies quietly

I’ve messed up so many times, too many to count

I’ll likely just mess up once more, it’s a vicious cycle really

She hangs her graying head in doubt and sadness


Fear holds you back from what could be a wonderful life, my friend

The now booming voice calls out to her

Taking risks are a part of life, one that shouldn’t be ran away from

Instead, grab the bull by the horns and give it all you’ve got.


Sometimes you’ll fail, hear the word no, and lose too

But, you’ll also find strength, learn who you are, and find you’ll win sometimes as well

A life only half lived is sad and it’s such a waste of the precious gift of time given to you

Put away doubts, self pity, and fear today and embrace courage, hope, and the life the awaits you


Not totally convinced, but willing to try, if only to quiet the aching within

She lifts her head, dries her tears, and starts to stand

I’ll try, today yes, I will try to put fears and worries to rest

One day at a time, that’ll be all I can promise though


The voice replies, that’ll be all you or anyone can do

And when you do fall, don’t let it beat you or keep you down

Rise again, my beautiful and wonderful friend

Rise up, claim today as yours in Him, and see that while sometimes you lose, so do you also sometimes win.




Love Is…


Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, one some look forward to and others dread. I have been on both sides of the fence on this. I’ve been the jaded skeptic that wanted to avoid the day and the in love romantic hoping to celebrate it.

Now, I’ve come to see it’s not just about couples, romantic dates, gifts, and high expectations. By all means, couples are encouraged to celebrate it if they wish. I do think love should be celebrated all year, not just when the calendar and the mountain of ads urging you to spend money tells you so. However, what is wrong with making Valentine’s Day one of those days?

Some are so anti Valentine’s Day, saying why should we make a big deal out of it when we shouldn’t limit celebrating love to one or two days a year. From that end, yes, we shouldn’t limit it to select dates. That doesn’t mean though that we should be anti love that day in protest. 😉

Love is amazing, for the many who feel it and like I eluded to before, not just for the couples surrounded by it. I no longer dissuade anyone from celebrating love, for many reasons. One of the reasons is the kids in our lives and all across the country. I don’t want to teach our kids to be jaded, skeptical, and wary when it comes to love.

Love is wonderful and so huge for kids, the way they feel about mom and dad, their siblings, nana and grandpa, friends, pets, favorite stuffed animal, dreams for the future, and so much around them. Shouldn’t we encourage them to love love and shower others with it the way we do? Live by example…

Love is great among true and loyal friends, a love that shouldn’t go unnoticed. They see us through dark times and cheer us on during the good, as we do for them. They give us so much love and I think it can be a nice way to show ours to remember them on February 14th. Yes, all year is best, but isn’t that part of the year? 😉

Love is incredible for parents, the bond we feel with our kids is generally quite solid, a connection like none other. I like to do cute things for my kids every year, a little something to show them just how special they are to me. I do random things throughout the year as well, but feel no shame in doing them on Valentine’s Day too.

Love is love, all year, from January 1st through December 31st, that includes February 14th – Valentine’s Day. I do think sometimes it gets over hyped, but overall I think it’s a harmless thing and actually something that can be good. It encourages spending money, yeah, but it also encourages showing those we love how much we care. It’s not necessary to spend a ton of money to shower our loved with the love we feel, but it’s not a bad thing if people want to.

For all the anti Valentine’s Day people out there, I get it, I’ve been there. I do urge you though to respect those who choose to celebrate and for those that do celebrate it, I urge you to respect the wishes of those that don’t. We can be on either side of the should we celebrate it or not and not make the other feel bad for feeling the way they do. For me, I won’t make a HUGE deal out of it, but I won’t ignore it either. To me, it’ll be another opportunity to show those I love how much they mean to me. Love is important to me, all year, tomorrow included. ❤

I Won’t Go Quietly, Good Sir…


I’m part of a women’s bible study that focuses on Ruth and five habits of a woman that doesn’t quit. It’s definitely made an impact already.

I’ve been known to give up when nothing was working the way I wanted or before I even began if I thought there was a decent chance of failure. I don’t even know how many books I started that never got finished or how many opportunities I’ve missed out on due to fear or frustration.

Being a part of this group has really opened my eyes. I don’t want to be that person who shies away from remarkable chances anymore. Sometimes we have to take a risk to get to where we want to be. The greatest things in life are often gotten through hard work and risks taken.

Faith in Him and His plan isn’t always easy to have, in fact many times we’re challenged and feel unsure if He knows what He’s doing. But, it’s in those times when we need to draw nearer and trust that things will work out according to His great design. Trust in His plan may not come easy, but it’s always worth it.

It may appear that I’ve gotten off topic, but I assure you that faith and trust in His plan is part of what helps keep us from quitting. Left to my own devices, I’ve quit, failed, and messed up more times than I can count. When I let Him in and let Him guide me, no matter how great or difficult things may be, this is when things work out.

I’m a work in progress, we all are. Every day, every moment is another challenge, a chance to keep going or to quit. Every moment is a choice to trust Him or to go it alone. I won’t lie, I know my pride will get in the way and there will be times I think I can do it all alone. There will be things I quit, things I think I could never accomplish. But, my sincere hope is that I’ll continue to grow, learn, and do better.

There are many wonderful opportunities awaiting me, if I have the courage to go for it. With Him, they’re possible, I just have to remember and trust in that, in Him. One day, one moment at a time….but know this fear, I won’t go quietly. God is with me, so you may knock me over, but you will not keep me down.

Healthy mind, healthy body


Some know this and some do not, that a healthy mind and a healthy body go hand in hand. It’s important to take care of yourself, in every way.

A month ago, I joined the Optavia program to better myself, mostly my physical self. What I’ve come to realize is, my mental health is just as important and when you work on them both, they effect each other.

Today, I began a four week challenge within the healthy habits group I’m in, that’s a part of the Optavia program. It’s a weight loss challenge, but it’s more about us as individuals, not for us to compete against one another. This isn’t The Biggest Loser, no one is getting voted off if they have a rough week.

One thing we’re supposed to do is work on a healthy goal each week. This week, mine is to focus on my mental health. I have struggled with mental health issues since childhood. I’ve learned to manage them much better over the years, but they still get the best of me some days. As of late, I’ve been more irritable. The mania has kicked in and I’ve been so short tempered and over stupid stuff.

My grandma just died, a week ago, so I’m sure that has a lot to do with it. Losing her is the hardest death I’ve had to deal with. I’ve lost family and friends over the years, but no one was super close to me, except one friend, who died nearly two years ago. I still have a hard time with that sometimes, more lately for some reason and now my grandma is gone.

She was not just “Grandma” to me, she was a second mom, a friend at times, and someone I could count on when I felt alone, when I had no where else to go, when I needed help with bills or needed a sitter for my son, or just needed to talk. She has done more for me than anyone else. As I write this, my heart aches. I feel the grief tearing at the scar tissue, ready to burst open to painful wounds.

I feel grief, sadness, and like a part of me is missing. Grief is the unfortunate price of love. I’m glad, in a way, to feel this pain. It means that the love we shared was real, that the connection we had was strong. But, oh, is it ever gut wrenching and sometimes outright debilitating.

Next comes the guilt I feel, over not being there enough the past few years. She did so much for me. When she needed someone to look after her, but wouldn’t admit it, I stepped in.

I took care of her on my own for over a year. It got increasingly difficult and eventually, I left and let my uncle step in. I feel awful. I made sure her home was clean, her meds were taken at the proper time, fought with her to shower and use her walker, paid her bills, ran her errands, did her laundry, made and transported her to appointments, cooked meals, and kept her company. It was difficult, but things seemed to be managed. I left and the house got destroyed all over again and she became a shut in.

I feel angry at myself for walking away when it got too hard and angry at my uncle for not doing more. He’s a big part of why I stepped in in the first place. I thought maybe though that things would be different this time. My mom also said I needed to focus on my son and relationship with my now husband. She told me not to feel guilty, that I was doing what I needed to do for my family. Yet, a part of me still feels so angry with myself. I need to let it go, but not sure how. I need to stop being angry with my uncle for letting things get the way they did, with my other family members for not being there at all, and with others, who like myself, maybe could have done more. I need to let go. She was old, unhappy, and in pain. It was time for her to be called home.

Something else weighing heavily on my mind is my son and this court situation. I need to stop obsessing over what I can’t control, give it to God, and pray for the best outcome for my boy. It’s easier said than done though. His well-bing and happiness are so important to me.

I fought the good fight, as it were, nine years ago. If I’m being honest, it went the way it needed to back then. I didn’t see that at the time. I didn’t lose and neither did his dad. Our son won, because he finally had a set schedule with me and that was much needed. His dad retained placement and I saw that as a slap in the face, but now I know it was what was best at that time.

Things have changed drastically over the years and I, along with many others, no longer feel this is what’s best, not for him or anyone closely involved. He has been asking us for years to have primary placement given back to me. His dad either ignored him, said let’s give it more time, or outright said it’ll never happen. I tried to work with him for years on this, but he won’t budge. Our son finally told me last summer, “He’ll never change his mind, Mom. You’ll need to go to court to make it happen.”

I held out hope for a little bit, with every bad thing that happened, I hoped his dad would see this change needed to happen, but he’s just dug his heels in more. So, I decided I was done waiting and would honor my promise to my son, he’d asked me to promise that I’d never give up on him and that I’d fight to bring him home. So, that’s what I’m doing. It’s been stressful on everyone. I pray it goes well, that it’ll all have been worth it. I just want to see my son happy and successful.

It feels good to write about these things, to get them off my chest and not feel judged, like I need to vindicate or explain myself. It’s freeing to express my thoughts and feelings. I hope doing this more will help me live less bogged down mentally and become a better version of myself. I hope this will lead me to take better care of myself, in all ways.

I got a diffuser and essential oils for sleep and stress aides, better pillows to help with sleep, joined the Optavia program to help with my physical and emotional health, am working on praying more to help with my spiritual health, and am now turning back to my writing as well, to help myself grow. Here’s hoping and here’s to my health!

The right path isn’t always paved with gold….


Sometimes the path most worn, most traveled looks like the safest and best one to follow. I mean, if many take this path, it can’t be bad, right? It looks easy and safe, so why not? I don’t have time for bumps, puddles, or any obstacles really, so I’ll just play it safe.

I have felt these things myself plenty over the years, but something I’ve often found is that taking the way most traveled or the seemingly easier path just led to more problems than I had before. Sometimes what we want most is not just so easy to get, but we can be an impatient sort, can’t we? 😉

I’ve heard people say that if it’s worth it, it’s going to take patience and hard work. Now and then, we do happen upon good things, but often, we do need to work for it and we have to be willing to wait. Sometimes, we’ll stumble, fall, and end up looking and feeling pretty worn out and sometimes we’ll even end up not getting what we want. But when failure, rejection, or disappointment leaves us feeling defeated, we shouldn’t give up. No one gets everthing right the first time or even the 50th and really, no one gets everything they want period.

We all face hearing no, not getting our way, not getting something right, failure, and disappointment. The most successful aren’t those that seemingly get things right every single time or who have it all. They’re those that have felt defeated and let down, but kept on going. They are the ones who don’t quit and the ones who know that it’ll be worth it in the end to travel that bumpy road.

I sometimes want to make a break for the smooth path for a bit, to catch my breath, but I just end up swimming through raging currents in the end. With each wrong step, I try to see them as lessons now. And now, instead of feeling ashamed, I use them as tools to inspire others. We all fall, knowing that can be uplifting, when we see how they made it through. I know that’s been the case for me, so I want to do the same for you.

Whether you’re on high ground, feeling pretty good or stuck in a ditch, feeling hopeless, never forget, neither one lasts. We can all help one another too, remember that as well. We can use our journey, the good parts and the bad ones, to inspire others. You use your success or your failures to help someone. The one who is hurting can see that you’ve struggled and that you have found your way out and the one who is doing well can use that as well, to fuel their journey onward and upward.

What we want may not cone easily or at all, but we ought to keep trying and throughout, let our stories help one another. May we give hope, courage, compassion, and love to those around us and may we be willing to accept it when given in return. It certainly makes things a lot better, to have others to share your journey with.

Another year gone, another just beginning…

2017 is over, wow. I remember the 1980’s, how is it 2018 now? *shakes head* Last year was a roller coaster of highs and lows, as I suppose is true of every year.

My son has been struggling. He’s been getting into trouble, so much acting out and defiance. He’s unhappy at his dad’s, which I know is part of the reason he’s been in trouble. I think he’s got mental health issues, which his dad isn’t dealing with. Part of it too is he’s just not making good choices. We have court soon to try to switch primary placement back to me. I’m hoping the judge sees that a change is needed, that him coming home is what’s best for him. In the end, I think it’ll be what’s best for everyone. I’m tired of watching my son suffer and I’m tired of watching him throw his future away. I hope 2018 brings change for the better for him. He’s a bright young man that can have a wonderful future, but things need to get turned around somehow.

My daughter turned one last year and now she’s nearly two. She’s grown, learned, and changed so much. She’s so inquisitive and I love watching her figure things out. She’s gotten sassier, those terrible two days have come. But even with the challenges, it’s been a great year with her. I love spending my days with her. Her laugh is contagious! When she smiles at me, wants to cuddle, plays with me, shows me she’s understanding what I’m saying, or does something new, it makes my day better. I can hardly wait to see how she grows and learns this year.

My marriage hit a couple of bumps, as have our finances, but we’ve tackled everything head on, together. We’ve faced loss, the death of his grandma hit his family, the death of my aunt hit mine and I’ve lost friends. It’s been hard, but we’ve helped one another get through each day. Marriage, parenthood, and all relationships are maintained one moment, one day at a time. I think 2018 will be better, because we work to make it so.

My first year in business went far beyond my expectations. I met so many wonderful people, some of whom became friends. I’ve learned a lot and aim to continue learning. I expanded my studio, so I can accommodate bigger families. I started doing weddings, newborn sessions, cake smash sessions, adult milestone sessions, etc. I hope to add more styles/types of sessions to my repertoire. I’m excited to see where 2018 takes me and my business.

Here’s to an incredible year we’ve left, may the lessons we’ve learned and great memories we’ve made stay with us. Here’s to a great year ahead, may we continue to learn, grow, and enjoy life while we can.

The Art of Self Love


Many of us are harder on ourselves than we are on others, than others are on us. We struggle to forgive ourselves, let go of the guilt and regret, and see the beauty within us.

That saying that we’re our own worst critics is often true. We hold ourselves to higher standards than we need to and when we fall short, we berate ourselves. No matter how much others may love us, we often struggle to love ourselves. We don’t see ourselves the way they do.

It takes great strength to see past our flaws, mistakes, and failures. However difficult it may seem though, I’ve learned it’s not impossible to achieve. There is hope for us, if we choose to see it.

The art of self love is one that takes a lot of work. Rising above our feelings of inadequacy, self loathing, guilt, and shame takes a strong will and lots of determination, but it is possible. We have to learn how to let go of the negative and see the good. Learning how to take compliments, without getting a big ego, and see the truth in them helps. Taking some time to see ourselves the way others do, especially those that see our beauty and worth is huge. Those that love us have their reasons and striving to know and understand them can go a long way towards having a better outlook on who we are.

I urge us all to try to set aside what we see, to instead think of those that love us most and try seeing what they see. I believe that may be the key to the beginning of a beautiful soul finding its worth. We all have our strengths, traits that make us amazing, so much beauty within, and a lot to offer. We just need to see it for ourselves, to truly believe it. No amount of praise erases self doubt, but changing how we view ourselves can. 💞


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