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Archive for February, 2017

Love Is

Love-Heals

Love isn’t perfect. for those who feel it aren’t

It’s only as strong as we allow it to be

It can be blind, fall into an ignorant state of bliss

But it can also heal wounds that time alone can’t

 

Love will see difficult days and darker nights

There will be disagreements, struggles, and pain

It will take individuals committed to get through

Its success or failure rides upon our efforts

 

Love won’t stop the hurdles from coming

But it can help us jump over them, if we allow it to

If we but see the strength within it, within us

It will become as limitless as we allow it to be

No Shame in Walking Away

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When you see someone you love in need

Often times the first instinct is to help out

You want to erase all pain, sorrow, & doubt

To see their minds at ease & hearts freed

 

Sometimes, things work out for those we love

Our efforts are successful & they’re grateful

Other times, things go awry and instead they’re hateful

Or we’re simply taken for granted & we cry to heaven above

 

Why is that sometimes those who are supposed to be closest to us

Are the ones that cause us the most heartache & pain

It should be easy to walk away from those only interested in what they can gain

But when there’s bonds that tie, it’s often not easy to leave without a fuss

 

Sometimes we never find the strength to walk away

For we’re family, family sticks together always, right?

Other times though, we rid the toxic from our sight

And we see there’s no shame in not wanting to stay

 

We ought to look out for one another, especially our family

But there’s nothing wrong with not tolerating abuse

Sometimes we find after trying to help for so long, what’s the use?

One can only try for so long before they need to set themselves free.

Once Upon a Light Saber

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Once upon a plastic light saber

There was a young boy ready to travel through space

To defeat the Sith lord, no matter the labor

Fierce determination set upon his little face

 

Taking a break from the arduous fighting

He unmasks himself and comes to tell me his tales

And asks me to find out why his weapon stopped lighting

For he knows mom’s magic rarely fails

 

It seems like a lifetime ago that he was this little Jedi

Now stands before me a young man, still ready to fight

But his battles are far more real than those in the sky

Standing tall and facing each foe with all of his might

 

Why do we often a teenagers strife overlook

Or not take them as seriously as they’d like

So the young man before me expresses with such a look

And we couldn’t possibly understand since we’re nothing alike

 

Oh, you were a teenager, yes yes, I know

But surely you don’t face the things we do now

Says my fourteen year old, so full of woe

And why are there so many things you don’t allow

 

Yet through the angst this young man does feel

He does know that he’s not as alone as he’d like to portray

And that my love for him is still so very real

The laughter sounds and for awhile, worry is kept at bay

 

He is not so little anymore, it’s true

No, now he’s my young man standing tall

Voice changing, hormones raging, and my how he grew

But, he does let me know he needs me if he were to fall

 

So strong and increasingly seeking independence

I both fear and anxiously await the day he goes in the world alone

Will he use the lessons we taught or leave them on the fence?

Whatever he does, I hope that his light is brightly shone

 

I want him to lead his own life and do well

But, I hope that wherever he may roam

That he should not ever in homesickness dwell

For this will always be a place he can call home.

 

Once Upon a Giggle

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Once upon a giggle

There was a girl that loved to wiggle

Tiny little hands reached out

And won over every heart without a doubt

 

A gleam in her eyes or a simple smile

Is all it takes to make my day worth while

So small and yet she means so much to me

Her within my heart is where she’ll always be

On the Edge of the Future

comfort-zone

Standing on the edge of uncertainty

Knowing his decision would impact many

Concentrating on both paths earnestly

Wanting to make the right decision for his family

 

Fearing that whichever path he chose might be the wrong one

What if I make the wrong decision and it costs us dearly?

Stress is an unwelcome guest by anyone

And it stays close by, playing with our minds severely

 

Doubt wields itself against positive thoughts with such force

How can he combat it when it knows his weaknesses?

He grasps to a branch of hope that offers a potential course

Weighing his options, he moves forward with an air of meekness

 

Not 100% certain that his decision will work out, but ready to try

Sometimes one must leave their comfort zone to find their place

It can be frightening to leave the known to see if you can fly

So, take those first steps towards the future with confidence and grace

The Cost of Empathy

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Most of the time, I feel my ability to empathize with others is a valuable trait. To be able to put myself in one’s situation and allow myself to feel as if I was going through whatever is going on has helped me help others. It, in many ways, is really a blessing. Empathy and sympathy are two different animals and not many realize that. To sympathize is simply to feel bad for someone and to empathize is to truly feel the sorrow, pain, anger, frustration, and so on yourself. Not everyone is able to empathize with others and when you’re able to use that ability to help someone and it’s successful, it’s an amazing feeling.

Sometimes though, it takes a lot out of you when you feel too much and often times, there’s not much you can do to get away from that. Sometimes seeing or hearing about bad things happening around the world will get to you. When there’s so much weighing on you, it can pull you into pits of despair. Sometimes that very thing we may call a blessing one day, well it can feel like a curse the next. It can be really hard to separate yourself from the pain that surrounds you, especially when you yourself have things going on.

When you’re struggling, some may even tell you it’s okay to take a step back from everyone else and focus on your own life and while you know on some level that they’re right, this overwhelming sense of guilt haunts you. “But they need me! What if I can help?” And doesn’t it sometimes help us when we’re able to help others? Yes, sometimes helping another can heal your own soul and what a gift that is. Sometimes though, it can be too much to handle. How though, do you convince yourself to actually put yourself first?

There is a great cost to one’s self when you empathize with others. We don’t always see it or wish to acknowledge it. Sometimes we feel that is why we’re here, to help others so that they’re not alone, so that we might do some good in this world, especially when there’s so much hate surrounding us. But to open yourself up and allowing other’s lives to touch your own and get to you, well it changes you. It can become depressing, keep you up at night, make it hard to eat or push you eat too much, cause crying fits you don’t always understand, and cause damage to your well-being and relationships. People may ask, “Why do you always put other’s needs ahead of your own?” “Why can’t you tell people no?”

Some find their ability to empathize a great strength, for it takes a lot to be able to do this. To make yourself vulnerable really does take courage not everyone possesses. Some though, they feel it is a weakness to make yourself a “slave” to others emotionally, if you will. Some feel that it makes you weak to be that vulnerable, to feel that much, and to allow it to drag you down. I feel, after really thinking about it these many years, that it is both, for me at least. I think it can make me strong, especially when it allows me to truly help another, to make things better for someone, even if just a little. I hate seeing people in pain, of any kind, especially those closest to me. If I can help ease their pain at all, I am glad to do it, most days. There are times when I feel it does hinder me though. There are times when I feel like it’s too much and that it’s taking its toll on me. Sometimes I do feel weakened by it.

I will admit that there are times when there is so much going on and my mind feels as if it’s going to come unhinged. And while there’s some feelings of guilt for “abandoning” people who need me, sometimes I admit it is best when I shut myself out from those around me so that I can focus on me for a moment, so I can think and sort things out. Sometimes I need a breather, some time to relax and let the stress levels come down. Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever needed to walk away from everyone else for a little bit so that you could fix your own problems? Have you ever felt so dragged down by what everyone around you is going through that you feel like you’re about to lose control of yourself? What do you do when you feel these things? And how do you convince yourself that you’re not being a bad friend or relative? How do you convince yourself that it’s okay to look out for you before others sometimes?

Mostly, I do feel being, what some call an Empath, is a good thing. But yeah, it really can cost you. The trick is to find a healthy balance, but often times we don’t know how to achieve that. I think it’s a learning process, one we may never fully succeed at, but perhaps get better at as the years go by. Here’s to learning, growing, helping  one another, and yet not neglecting ourselves. May we get even a little bit better each day and finding ways to improve both our lives and those around us.

Ramblings of a Bi-polar Nature

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Riding high on a wave of intense mania

Energetic and ready to take on the world

That is until some little thing gets on my nerves

Now it feels like everything is going wrong

And I’m dwelling on every bad thing that’s ever happened

Don’t look at me wrong, I’ll likely snap at you

Though after I’m done ruining everyone’s day

I will feel horribly guilty and tear myself down

Feeling like the worst thing to ever happen to those I love

I’ve fallen into a pool of regret, guilt, and shame

Not seeing a way out of the sadness I’ve slipped into

Wishing for a life preserver so I can pull myself out

Up and down so often I feel dizzy and unsure of where I am

Why does it have to be like this?

I try writing, talking, praying, singing, walking, and more

Sometimes these things help tremendously

And I am so grateful for the support system in my life

Sometimes though, nothing seems to work

And I don’t see a way out or feel the love that’s there

I feel like a yo-yo and I just want to cut the strings

This journey has been rough and is likely to always be

But I know I am not on this path alone

What I go through touches more lives than just my own

My mood swings hurt more than just me

Over the years, I have driven many away

It’s hurt when relationships end and I feel like I have failed

Yet once again, people feel like they can’t deal with it anymore

I do have to say though, that in the most recent years

It’s gotten easier to deal with and as that’s happened

And the bonds formed have lasted, not so easy to break

I will say this now, hoping all will understand

Each of you that stands by me helps more than you know

You make it easier to get through each difficult day

You remind me that each phase will pass

You make me smile, see the beauty within

Your love, loyalty, and devotion is my greatest weapon

When great anger or sadness threaten to take me down

Your support wields within my hands

And like a blaze of fire, conquers it, even if only for a little while

Every day is a struggle, but you make it easier to fight

I lose some individual battles, but the war is far from over

Each victory over my inner demons is celebrated

Bi-polar threatens my happiness and my sanity

But I will not let it win, for I have too many reasons to keep going

Many of them are those of you that are by my side

Thank you for reading this lengthy post

Sort of poetry, sort of prose, more like a solo therapy session

Go from this knowing how very loved you are

And how grateful I am to have each of you by my side.

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