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Archive for May, 2019

Happy Anniversary & Other Such Things

Today is my wedding anniversary!! First, I’ll say that it’s a day worth celebrating. Four years ago today, I pledged my everlasting love to my now hubby in front of God and many of our family members and friends. It was a beautiful day, both due it being one full of love and weather wise as well. Joyous definitely describes our wedding day.

Over the last four years since we said, I do, and even before then, we’ve faced a lot together. We’ve lost loved ones, faced financial issues, dealt with illnesses and injuries, and other things that have put strain on us. We’ve also laughed, enjoyed lots of time with friends and family, experienced great things, and created many amazing memories. Throughout the good and bad, here we are, still standing together. That’s what a team does, sticks together through it all.

So yes, for my hubby and I, today is definitely a day worth smiling about. It’s also my friend Ashley’s birthday. I remember telling her when the date was set that it fell on her birthday, wasn’t sure how she’d feel about it. She told me she was honored to share her special day with us. Yay! So today, I also say, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ASHLEY!!! I hope today is full of joy and love for you, dear friend!!

I’m sure today is special for others as well. Others are likely celebrating their wedding anniversaries and birthdays. I am willing to wager that it’s also a day for signing paperwork to get keys to their new home, starting/started a new job, made a big move, started dating, stopped smoking, and more. Today is a day for many to smile and I’m happy to share in this joy with all of you.

Today is also likely a day that’s hard for some. Some lost people they love, lost jobs, got into a life changing car accident, found out they’re ill, and other heartbreaking things. My heart weeps for those that hurt today. I know that while we celebrate today, others aren’t, that others have reason to be sad. Life goes on around us, through the good and bad we face, others do their own thing.

Today too, my son has court for some poor decisions he’s made. It is hard to watch my brilliant son throw his future to the wind. He’s starting to see he wants so much and he needs to make some changes, but he’s still being stubborn, fighting it some. I hope he gets a wake-up call and starts to really fight for his future. May today end up being the beginning to a brighter future for him.

No matter what today is for you, I hope you find some joy. Even if today is sad, it brings hard times, may you find at least one reason to smile. If not, if it’s just too hard today, maybe tomorrow? My thoughts and prayers are with the world today, all who struggle, mourn, and worry. It’s also with those who laugh, smile, and celebrate. Whatever today is, at least it is. We’ve been given another day and that is cause to celebrate.

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Mental Health Awareness – Speaking Up.

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May is National Mental Health Awareness month. This is something that speaks to my soul very strongly because I struggle with mental health illnesses and so do many of my friends and family members. I, myself, have anxiety disorder, PTSD, bi-polar – type one, and OCD.

Growing up, I didn’t know what was going on inside my head. I thought something was wrong with me. I must be broken, defective. My moods changed without warning. My thoughts raced and I couldn’t get them to slow down. The littlest thing could set me off. I would cry and not always know why. I’d be extra motivated one day and then not at all the next. I was overly anxious and paranoid. I’d feel physically ill when things became too much to handle. No one understood, most especially myself. (I’m still dealing with these things, but I’m informed now and have the support system that makes dealing with all of this easier.)

On top of that, I was molested and physically abused by my mom’s ex, mentally abused and neglected by my father, and my mom retreated into herself, not knowing what to do or how to react, how to help me, especially when she needed help herself. I was placed into a foster home and went to a few and a group home within the span of a few years. I was hit on by one of my foster brothers in one of the homes to the point I ran away. Things weren’t great.

I wanted to die several times between my pre-teen years and even into my 30’s. I wrote notes, made preparations to leave those I loved, and kept it all to myself. Only those who knew me real well even had a glimpse of how much I struggled and even many who thought they knew me, they didn’t realize how much I was hurting. I either come off as really happy go lucky and people have no clue that I hurt at all or I’m the overly dramatic one, just seeking attention. I can be both and sometimes something entirely different.

Growing up, my issues and I were either ignored, treated like something to be shunned, or like everything was just some way of being noticed. Mental health illnesses and abuse are no laughing matter. They are also not things to be ignored or made light of.

I will always speak out about mental health illnesses, suicide prevention, and abuse. I didn’t always have support and in those times is when things were at their worst. Having that support now makes a huge difference. So, I want to reach out and tell all reading this, if you struggle, you don’t have to go through any of this alone.

There are 24 hour hotlines, shelters, and other resources. Also, I’m here to listen, if you feel comfortable coming to me. You do not have to deal with this alone. No one can live your life for you, but there are people out there who can be by your side as you try to push forward, heal, and get help.

If you see any warning signs, if you even suspect someone you know is hurting, please reach out. We may not always ask for help. Be the light for those who may feel lost in the dark and have forgotten there’s still hope…

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