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Archive for April, 2015

Wandering Through Yesterday’s Garden

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Do you ever find yourself wandering within yesterday’s garden? 

I do, now and then. 

Some parts are filled with an array of beautiful flowers.

The colors are a sight to behold. I could stare at them and get lost in my thoughts for hours. 

The yellow chrysanthemums represent the days of peace and harmony, where I was happy with myself and others. No hate or negativity could hurt me. 

The orange tulips are my moments on the dance floor or on stage singing when I got lost in the music and just felt so free. 

The red roses are each kiss, snuggle, and romantic moment I spent with someone I loved. They’re each blush, butterfly in my stomach, and hopelessly giddy feeling I’ve ever felt. 

The various hues of purple violets are my humble moments when God reminded me of who I was, who I wanted to be, and to always give back. I have known what it feels like to need, to feel alone and it has felt good to make other’s happy and to have their hearts melt. 

The radiant bluebells are all of the friends I’ve ever had over the course of my life. Each one has taught me something to carry with me into present days. Each one has brightened my days, made me laugh, feel such joy, and given me so much love. 

The green grass I walk upon with my bare feet is simply the Earth that I live in, one I want to take better care of than I have in the past. May I nurture it and find strength in it from above.

As I continue to wander through, I see a dark corner of my mind that I find myself drawn to. 

There are thorns, weeds, and a feeling of sadness of hard times I’ve been through. 

Though it’s hard to look at, I find myself needing to confront what I see before me. 

For it too has shaped me into the woman all of you now see. 

Each heartache, lie told, hurtful thing I said and did, spiteful thing someone said or did to me, hardship, broken dream, moment of loneliness, loss, friendship ended, and hopeless feeling has had a part to play. 

Every thorn that I pass tries to catch me in its grasp and hold me down. They yearn for me to stay. 

The past can be a tricky thing when one lingers there for too long. 

Though I know that each part of it has made me into who I am now, the good, the bad, the right, and the wrong. 

I’m not who I once was and I’m thankful for that. Though, I know I’m not the woman I am meant to be. 

Every day I’m given is another chance for me to grow, learn, give, take, live, and love. I contemplate that as I sit down by the giant oak tree. 

I have found it’s love that makes me the person I’m now proud of being. It’s giving back that helps me heal. It’s compassion that makes me feel good about my life. 

I was put here to love, to help, to give. I aim every single day I’m here to be a good mother, daughter, sister, niece, granddaughter, cousin, friend, coworker, and one day soon, wife. 

The past is here for me to visit anytime. It’s good to see it now and then. It can be a good friend. 

But, it’s not where I belong. The here and now is where I’m meant to be in the end. ♡

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