My brain often thinks many things at once, all day long. It can be a bit much at times. Now and then, I need to get my thoughts out so I don’t drown amidst it all. I know many of you reading this can relate. I will tell you right now, this post will jump all over the place, as that is how my mind tends to work. I am unleashing the whirlwind of thoughts going on inside my head, so please bear with me.
When you run a small business, especially one where you deal with a ton of people, you often see others post about the experiences they have had with the businesses they have dealt with, the good and the bad. Sometimes, I wish we, as owners, could do the same. Ah, but that wouldn’t look too professional, would it? So, we sometimes vent to our family and friends about the nightmare customers we have had and the awful situations we have been through, but we often internalize so much of it. It can get become too much at times. Something my husband said awhile back hit me and I am thinking about it right now. We tend to remember the bad things far easier than the good ones. They just stick with you. Heck, one of my earliest memories in life is when I was four and fell down the stairs at my grandma’s house. I do also remember playing with a toy that helped me learn how to read when I was three, so there’s proof that the good can stay with you a long time too, but why is it we’re so hardwired to think about the bad moments for years and why do we let them eat at us? How does one push those out of our heads more so that we can focus more on the good we have experienced?
I have experienced a lot of good in my life, both personally and professionally. I do try to get my mind to think of those moments often. I make a list of things I am thankful for. I tell the same stories of funny and heartwarming moments over and over, so that I can remember life can be pretty great and hopefully inspire others do the same. I have had some of the best clients and worked some of the most fun events. I have laughed, sang, danced, ate great food, given/gotten so many warm embraces, and made so many wonderful friends while running my business. Working in the wedding industry has been and is a huge blessing. I love to celebrate love. Life can be full of so much heartache, loss, and hardship and sometimes it can weigh us down. So, sometimes we need to remind ourselves that life can also be full of joy, laughter, friendship, and love too. Being a part of so many amazing weddings, birthday parties, first communion parties, baptisms, and more is a blessing. My first name means loving, so I find my career especially fitting. When I am able to focus my mind on the good, I feel so full of joy and gratitude. I keep trying to train my mind to do that more. Sometimes, it can be difficult, especially when life decides to hit you hard over and over all at once. It is a constant struggle to maintain balance in my head. My mind is often at war with itself. All I can do is take it one moment at a time and do my best. It’s all any of us can do.
Sometimes I focus so much on others and how I can help them. I am and have always been a fixer and people pleaser. I will often bend over backwards, trying to help friends, family, and clients. Sometimes, I do so much that my own life gets put on the back burner and I start to feel burnt out. I will tell others to practice self care and to make sure they take care of themselves, but I don’t always take my own advice. I am working on it and I think I have made a lot of progress. Everyone has their own definition of what self care is and what it isn’t. Like I have seen some say getting to take a shower in peace isn’t self care, it’s just something we should all be able to do. Ah, but it isn’t so easy for everyone to do the things that seem like they should be so easy to accomplish. I think there are various levels of self care and ways we can take care of ourselves. For me, some things I do to look after myself are writing blog posts like this to get my thoughts out, taking a shower when I am home alone so I can fully enjoy it knowing I won’t be interrupted, buying myself a pint of ice cream that I rarely get, taking a day to myself to read/binge watch my favorite shows & movies/go take pictures just because/nap and take medicine when I am sick instead of tending to everyone else/etc., staying up a little late to decompress before going to bed so I am not laying in bed tossing and turning while my hubby is sleeping/trying to sleep, getting my hair done once in a great while, buying myself something just because, make myself comfort food, order out because I just don’t feel like cooking or doing dishes, and as odd as it sounds, sometimes helping others or doing something nice for someone because seeing them smile makes me smile. We all need to take better care of ourselves and there isn’t one right way to do that. We all have different needs and different things that bring us comfort and joy.
The past can both suck the joy out of the present and also bring a lot of happiness and hope. My past definitely does both. For years, I had been waiting on an apology from those who hurt me most. I have come to see I won’t get it from some and others didn’t say anything, but their actions have proven they felt bad for what they have done and want to do better. Either way, one thing I know to be true is that we can’t control what others say and do, how they react to us and the world around them, and beyond. We can’t control the world around us, we just can’t. What we can control or try to is control how we act and react to things. If someone hurts us, it is okay to feel upset. It is okay to be angry. How long we stay in that place though, it is up to us. We may never get the apology we feel we are owed and to be honest, I am sure we have failed to apologize for some of the things we have said and done too, but hopefully the people we have hurt aren’t sitting around dwelling on it all. Nor should we sit around dwelling on what has happened to us. It is definitely far easier said than done to let go of the pain and anger, but it is essential we try. That pain can hinder us and that anger can fester, poisoning our minds. It doesn’t do anyone any good to allow either of those things to happen. So again, we have to do our best, one moment at a time. We may never forget the bad, but we can work on the impact it has on us and those around us.
I see some of my fellow wedding vendors thrive and I feel both proud of them and so happy they’re successful AND also sad, frustrated, and sometimes a little jealous too. I don’t like feeling the last part of it. I am truly happy for all of them. There is room enough for all to succeed. I don’t know how they do it though. I just want to pick their brains and find out how they got to where they are, how they are winning awards, getting recognition, and how they’re able to stay so busy. For some of us, the slow season, which is now, can be brutal and others seem to stay busy or at the very least, have less downtime. How do they get to that point? Everyone starts somewhere and I am sure even they had slow seasons that were rough and have struggled, How did they get through it? When they were so broke and couldn’t afford to advertise, what did they do to get their name out there? I ask myself these questions a lot. Maybe one day, I will actually reach out to some of them and ask. I want to see my business thrive, for a multitude of reasons. This business is the only income I have. So, I want to see it thrive so that I can properly help my family. I know my non financial contributions make a ton of difference to my family and I know I am valued. Yet, I would still love to be able to do more. My husband works so hard to keep things going for us, too hard a lot of the time. Speaking of self care, he really needs to do more of that. I am so thankful for him and all he does. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be able to have this business or do the things I do, like be there for our daughter when she’s off school, help my son, get things done that aren’t always possible to take care of in the late afternoon or evening hours, and more. Many of fellow vendors work another job or two on top of running their businesses, but I see how overworked they are. For me, it’s not what’s best, for a multitude of reasons, but I know my husband struggles. I am doing my best to grow my business so that I can help ease the pressure he feels.
I am working on a book and have been for a long time now. I want to share what I have gone through and what I have learned, so that I can help others. When I hear about what others go through, sometimes I remember and it makes me sad. I don’t want to see others hurt and struggle to find their way through grief, pain, anger, loss, and difficult times. Maybe one day, I will finish it. I get so easily distracted and don’t always find my way back to projects. Keeping focus isn’t always easy for me. I do my best, because I know others are counting on me and I don’t want to let them down and I don’t want to let myself down either. Remember when I said I am a fixer and people pleaser? Yeah. We are often hardest on ourselves when we feel we don’t do enough or didn’t do well enough. Well, one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. I try to remind myself I am just one person and all I can do is do my best. Many appreciate me, my time, and my hard work, as I do for others. Sometimes we need that reminder, saying hey I see you and you’re doing a great job. So hey, you reading this, I see you. You’re doing the best you can, you’re doing enough, and you are enough. It takes a village to get through life. I am thankful for mine. I do what I can to be there for others in return. I hope that even one person reading this gets something out of it. I hope today is a good day for you. May you find joy in it. My mind lost focus, so I am going to stop things here. Happy Monday everyone! You are wonderful, don’t forget that!
He did surprise me with flowers and cheesecake this year. I feel thankful. Some years he hasn’t done anything and others he has. He knows it means a lot to me, as one of my love languages is gift giving. (I also highly value quality time and acts of kindness. physical touch is up there too, especially cuddling, hugging, and holding hands) I know his big ones are acts of kindness, physical touch, and quality time, so I will do my part to show him love in the ways that mean the most to him.
Life, Love, Photography, & Beyond 