4 out of 5 dentists recommend this WordPress.com site

Posts tagged ‘thoughts’

Sometimes You Lose, But Sometimes You Win…


A closed bulb that never bloomed shrinks in the darkness

Unable to find the light, feeling close to death

The time has gone by so swiftly

She thought she had more time….


Nearly 40 years have gone by

Quite likely she’s halfway through this life

This wasn’t the life she had planned

That’s what a voice whispers to her


She had big plans, many left unfulfilled

Dreams came and went over the years

Sitting all alone, wondering why

Why didn’t she do more, work harder?


The once brilliant violet hue is turning gray

But surely this isn’t how the story ends?

Can’t one still find a way while there’s still life within?

A troubled and discouaged soul asks the silent night air


Though inaudible to most, a tiny voice rings out in the night

There is time yet to get it right, if one decides to try

It’s only too late once you’re dead and dead you are not

The tiny voice has become loud enough for her heart to hear its words


You have a life, one so kindly given to you

Shall you continue to waste the precious time given to you?

Or perhaps, will you then open your eyes and move your limb so that you may finally break the curse

The one you set upon yourself, the one preventing you from truly living


But, I’m afraid, she replies quietly

I’ve messed up so many times, too many to count

I’ll likely just mess up once more, it’s a vicious cycle really

She hangs her graying head in doubt and sadness


Fear holds you back from what could be a wonderful life, my friend

The now booming voice calls out to her

Taking risks are a part of life, one that shouldn’t be ran away from

Instead, grab the bull by the horns and give it all you’ve got.


Sometimes you’ll fail, hear the word no, and lose too

But, you’ll also find strength, learn who you are, and find you’ll win sometimes as well

A life only half lived is sad and it’s such a waste of the precious gift of time given to you

Put away doubts, self pity, and fear today and embrace courage, hope, and the life the awaits you


Not totally convinced, but willing to try, if only to quiet the aching within

She lifts her head, dries her tears, and starts to stand

I’ll try, today yes, I will try to put fears and worries to rest

One day at a time, that’ll be all I can promise though


The voice replies, that’ll be all you or anyone can do

And when you do fall, don’t let it beat you or keep you down

Rise again, my beautiful and wonderful friend

Rise up, claim today as yours in Him, and see that while sometimes you lose, so do you also sometimes win.




Healthy mind, healthy body


Some know this and some do not, that a healthy mind and a healthy body go hand in hand. It’s important to take care of yourself, in every way.

A month ago, I joined the Optavia program to better myself, mostly my physical self. What I’ve come to realize is, my mental health is just as important and when you work on them both, they effect each other.

Today, I began a four week challenge within the healthy habits group I’m in, that’s a part of the Optavia program. It’s a weight loss challenge, but it’s more about us as individuals, not for us to compete against one another. This isn’t The Biggest Loser, no one is getting voted off if they have a rough week.

One thing we’re supposed to do is work on a healthy goal each week. This week, mine is to focus on my mental health. I have struggled with mental health issues since childhood. I’ve learned to manage them much better over the years, but they still get the best of me some days. As of late, I’ve been more irritable. The mania has kicked in and I’ve been so short tempered and over stupid stuff.

My grandma just died, a week ago, so I’m sure that has a lot to do with it. Losing her is the hardest death I’ve had to deal with. I’ve lost family and friends over the years, but no one was super close to me, except one friend, who died nearly two years ago. I still have a hard time with that sometimes, more lately for some reason and now my grandma is gone.

She was not just “Grandma” to me, she was a second mom, a friend at times, and someone I could count on when I felt alone, when I had no where else to go, when I needed help with bills or needed a sitter for my son, or just needed to talk. She has done more for me than anyone else. As I write this, my heart aches. I feel the grief tearing at the scar tissue, ready to burst open to painful wounds.

I feel grief, sadness, and like a part of me is missing. Grief is the unfortunate price of love. I’m glad, in a way, to feel this pain. It means that the love we shared was real, that the connection we had was strong. But, oh, is it ever gut wrenching and sometimes outright debilitating.

Next comes the guilt I feel, over not being there enough the past few years. She did so much for me. When she needed someone to look after her, but wouldn’t admit it, I stepped in.

I took care of her on my own for over a year. It got increasingly difficult and eventually, I left and let my uncle step in. I feel awful. I made sure her home was clean, her meds were taken at the proper time, fought with her to shower and use her walker, paid her bills, ran her errands, did her laundry, made and transported her to appointments, cooked meals, and kept her company. It was difficult, but things seemed to be managed. I left and the house got destroyed all over again and she became a shut in.

I feel angry at myself for walking away when it got too hard and angry at my uncle for not doing more. He’s a big part of why I stepped in in the first place. I thought maybe though that things would be different this time. My mom also said I needed to focus on my son and relationship with my now husband. She told me not to feel guilty, that I was doing what I needed to do for my family. Yet, a part of me still feels so angry with myself. I need to let it go, but not sure how. I need to stop being angry with my uncle for letting things get the way they did, with my other family members for not being there at all, and with others, who like myself, maybe could have done more. I need to let go. She was old, unhappy, and in pain. It was time for her to be called home.

Something else weighing heavily on my mind is my son and this court situation. I need to stop obsessing over what I can’t control, give it to God, and pray for the best outcome for my boy. It’s easier said than done though. His well-bing and happiness are so important to me.

I fought the good fight, as it were, nine years ago. If I’m being honest, it went the way it needed to back then. I didn’t see that at the time. I didn’t lose and neither did his dad. Our son won, because he finally had a set schedule with me and that was much needed. His dad retained placement and I saw that as a slap in the face, but now I know it was what was best at that time.

Things have changed drastically over the years and I, along with many others, no longer feel this is what’s best, not for him or anyone closely involved. He has been asking us for years to have primary placement given back to me. His dad either ignored him, said let’s give it more time, or outright said it’ll never happen. I tried to work with him for years on this, but he won’t budge. Our son finally told me last summer, “He’ll never change his mind, Mom. You’ll need to go to court to make it happen.”

I held out hope for a little bit, with every bad thing that happened, I hoped his dad would see this change needed to happen, but he’s just dug his heels in more. So, I decided I was done waiting and would honor my promise to my son, he’d asked me to promise that I’d never give up on him and that I’d fight to bring him home. So, that’s what I’m doing. It’s been stressful on everyone. I pray it goes well, that it’ll all have been worth it. I just want to see my son happy and successful.

It feels good to write about these things, to get them off my chest and not feel judged, like I need to vindicate or explain myself. It’s freeing to express my thoughts and feelings. I hope doing this more will help me live less bogged down mentally and become a better version of myself. I hope this will lead me to take better care of myself, in all ways.

I got a diffuser and essential oils for sleep and stress aides, better pillows to help with sleep, joined the Optavia program to help with my physical and emotional health, am working on praying more to help with my spiritual health, and am now turning back to my writing as well, to help myself grow. Here’s hoping and here’s to my health!

See the Beauty & Be the Beauty


If I could only paint you a beautiful picture

Showing you the wonders that await you

So I choose to use my words instead

No rhymes and maybe less than eloquent

But, perhaps you’ll still see the beauty within


Spacious mountains and crystal clear waters

Beautiful flowers, statuesque trees, & cute animals

I want you to see it all over the years

As they all change and grow, so will you

I hope that you see the beauty that surrounds us


More than just what you can see with your eyes

I hope that you can see and appreciate much more

The beauty within the souls of those in your life

May you see the kindness, gentility, and grace

And may you also possess these traits yourself


May you show kindness to others, even on a rough day

Show compassion and understanding to those who need it

And yet be firm when the situation calls for it as well

See the beauty all around you and be the beauty for others

That is my sincerest prayer for you, my darling daughter.

Ramblings of a Bi-polar Nature


Riding high on a wave of intense mania

Energetic and ready to take on the world

That is until some little thing gets on my nerves

Now it feels like everything is going wrong

And I’m dwelling on every bad thing that’s ever happened

Don’t look at me wrong, I’ll likely snap at you

Though after I’m done ruining everyone’s day

I will feel horribly guilty and tear myself down

Feeling like the worst thing to ever happen to those I love

I’ve fallen into a pool of regret, guilt, and shame

Not seeing a way out of the sadness I’ve slipped into

Wishing for a life preserver so I can pull myself out

Up and down so often I feel dizzy and unsure of where I am

Why does it have to be like this?

I try writing, talking, praying, singing, walking, and more

Sometimes these things help tremendously

And I am so grateful for the support system in my life

Sometimes though, nothing seems to work

And I don’t see a way out or feel the love that’s there

I feel like a yo-yo and I just want to cut the strings

This journey has been rough and is likely to always be

But I know I am not on this path alone

What I go through touches more lives than just my own

My mood swings hurt more than just me

Over the years, I have driven many away

It’s hurt when relationships end and I feel like I have failed

Yet once again, people feel like they can’t deal with it anymore

I do have to say though, that in the most recent years

It’s gotten easier to deal with and as that’s happened

And the bonds formed have lasted, not so easy to break

I will say this now, hoping all will understand

Each of you that stands by me helps more than you know

You make it easier to get through each difficult day

You remind me that each phase will pass

You make me smile, see the beauty within

Your love, loyalty, and devotion is my greatest weapon

When great anger or sadness threaten to take me down

Your support wields within my hands

And like a blaze of fire, conquers it, even if only for a little while

Every day is a struggle, but you make it easier to fight

I lose some individual battles, but the war is far from over

Each victory over my inner demons is celebrated

Bi-polar threatens my happiness and my sanity

But I will not let it win, for I have too many reasons to keep going

Many of them are those of you that are by my side

Thank you for reading this lengthy post

Sort of poetry, sort of prose, more like a solo therapy session

Go from this knowing how very loved you are

And how grateful I am to have each of you by my side.

Thoughts on Parenthood


As we grow, we change, both outwardly and within as well. As babies, we need so much help. We can’t feed, dress, bathe, or clothe ourselves. We need help to get from place to place. Months go by and we’ve begun to learn. We’re rolling over, sitting up with support, and observing more of the environment around us. Then comes sitting on our own, crawling, picking things up, throwing things, learning to stand, and taking those first wobbly steps while clutching onto something. Eventually, we’re walking, climbing, and running. While all of this is going on, our bodies are changing and so are our minds.

Fast forward and now we’re talking, learning how to structure sentences as we speak, open things, match objects, count, recite the alphabet, and more. Off to school, and we learn so much more. As we grow and learn, we have been developing personalities of our own. We’re not just so and so’s kids, we’re truly our own souls. Many think kids can’t think for themselves, but sometimes I think they have a clearer and more level head on their shoulders than a lot of adults out there.

We, often times, don’t realize how complex and yet simple kids are until we’re adults and dealing with them ourselves. They’re fiery little people! Being a parent is both one of the greatest joys and most difficult things I have been given the chance to do. Some think that being a parent is all or mostly late night feedings, crying, disgusting diapers, tantrums, crayon on the walls, yelling, fighting, broken things, piles of laundry and dishes, and oh no more social life, at least one that doesn’t involve children. And others think that it’s laughter, cuddles, homemade projects, school plays and concerts, smiles, hugs, first steps, first words, braiding hair, playing catch, and love.

Parenthood is a mixture of some the greatest times in your life and some of the most difficult ones. It is late night feedings, tantrums, teenage angst, fighting, scolding, hurt feelings, and difficult times. There are days you will question your sanity, where you’ll wonder if you’re doing everything all wrong. You’ll cry in the car, lock yourself in the bathroom for a moment of peace, disagree with your partner (if you have one) on how to raise your kids time to time, panic, and overthink things. But, it is also seeing their smile and feeling so much joy, helping them unwrap their first Christmas presents, dressing them up for their school spring concert, seeing their face light up when they see you, hearing them tell you how much they love you, helping them get ready for a school dance, having fun play dates, cuddling on the couch, and the feeling of their hand in yours. You’ll smile when they bring you a handmade ornament from school, feel pride when they bring you a picture they drew just for you, (even if you don’t know what it is) laugh at the silly joke they made up, and feel more love than you ever knew was possible to feel.

When our kids grow into adults, that’s when we truly see our hard work put to the test. Did we give them tools they need to lead their own lives? Did they learn how to take care of themselves? Did we do enough? Did we do too much? What if they don’t need us anymore? What do we do now that we don’t have noses to wipe, cuts and scrapes to bandage, homework to help with, lessons to transport people to, nights to wait up, first and last days of school to anticipate, someone to read a bedtime story to, or get little snuggles from?

I am not quite to the point of having an adult child, but I do have a teenager. I also have a baby. They’re both in very different stages in life. I do often feel overwhelmed, but I also feel so very blessed. My children are the ones that inspire me daily to do and be more. I want to show them how to chase after their dreams, work hard, have fun, be good to others, and make the most of their lives by doing so myself. I don’t enjoy the fights, the attitude, messy diapers, waking in the middle of the night, or lack of time for me. However, I can’t imagine my life without the laughter, inside jokes, hugs, smiles, game nights, or feeling the love I feel for them or that they give to me return. That there is what makes it all worth it, the love. That, to me, is what life in and of itself is all about. Through every phase of our lives, it’s about the love within it, both giving and receiving. Life without love, to me, isn’t really living. My kids are the finest example of what unconditional love can do to and for someone.

I am blessed to have been able to watch them grow, learn, and become their own people. Parenthood isn’t for everyone and that’s okay. I don’t judge anyone who decides not to become parents, whether by having their own, adoption, fostering, being a step parent, etc. Some say it’s selfish if they decide not to continue their legacy, but I find it is more selfish to expect someone to have kids when that’s not what they want to do. Not all people are meant to be parents and sadly, many that are shouldn’t be. But, that’s for another blog or perhaps ones I have already written. 😉 Today, I am just counting my blessings for being able to be a parent. I make mistakes, we all do. I second guess myself a lot. I don’t always make the wisest decisions or the ones others want me to make. But, I do the best I can and my kids both have what they need and so much love.

If you have kids and you’re able to, let them know you love them today. Even if they’re grown, moved away, with the other parent, in college, or whatever the case may be….e-mail, text, call, snap chat, Skype, etc makes communication much easier. No matter how old they are, they’re always our kids. Life is short and we don’t know when our last chance will be to show love, so if you have the chance to today, don’t waste it. I got off topic a bit, but I hope you enjoyed reading today. Have a wonderful Wednesday, may you be richly blessed!



Dear Future Me


So many of us have imagined what we’d say to younger versions of ourselves if we got the chance. Oh the advice we’d give, the wisdom we’d share. Perhaps then we’d have avoided some of the hard times?

I, myself, have written such letters to versions of myself that are long gone. But today, I wondered what I might say to a future versions of myself, were I given the opportunity to meet her. Might it go something like this….

Dear Future Me,

You don’t exist yet, but I’m hoping that when you do and you get the chance to read this that you’ll take what I have to say to heart.

So far, you have spent so much time worrying, over analyzing things, focusing on things that don’t matter in the grand scheme of things, and dwelling on what was instead of what is and what could be. Let me say this, stop. Life is too short to stress so much. If you’re here, able to read this, take a moment to count your blessings and then go out and make the most of the time you have.

How many sleepless nights have you spent worrying about things that worked themselves out in the end? How many times have you needlessly panicked? Let’s not focus so much on what is out of our control or sweat the small things.

Instead, let’s shape the moments we can into ones full of love and laughter. Give when you can. When the hard times come, remember you’ve gotten through worse and push forward believing this too is another hurdle we’ll get over. You may roll your eyes at this, but deep down you know there’s wisdom in what I’m telling you.

Things won’t always be sunshine and roses and nor will they always be dark and depressing. There’s light and dark throughout every stage in life. Find courage in the tough times, let wisdom grace you, and learn from them. Find joy in the wonderful moments, may love touch you, and may you let it do the same for others.

You’ve made it this far, keep going! I believe in you, as do many others. Here’s to tomorrow letting us see its wondrous beauty and all it has in store.


The you you once knew


*What would you tell the you of tomorrow?*

Fly High, Lou Lou


Sunshine and two piece suits

Music blaring, getting lost in it

I’d braid your hair, you’d do mine

Laughing, singing, and loving life


Staying up late, watching movies

Playing exhilarating games of Yahtzee

Talking for hours about anything and everything

You had my back, as I had yours


There are days when I come close to calling you

But then I remember you’re gone

You touched my life in inexpressible ways

Your love has left an everlasting mark upon my soul


Once my cousin, always my friend

Death doesn’t separate us

A part of you lives within me

I’ll love you until my days come to an end.


Aimee Lyn Steinseifer: 11/13/1974 – 05/02/2016


Your life was more than just a beginning or an end. You lived all those years in between to their fullest. You’re missed, deeply, every day. ♡




Christian News, Devotional, Leadership, Church, Evangelism, Conference, Worship, Pastors , Bible, Gospel Music,Gospel,Salvation, GoodNews, Disciples, Cross,Winning, Love, Mercy,Bible Study,New Testament, Church,Matthew,Mark, Luke, John,Heart, Soul, Body,Mind,Spirit,Church History, Books, Pastorso, Evangelists. Teachers, Apostles, Healing, Leadership, Grace, Salvation, Faith,Lifestyle and Entertainment,


live your life in your own way


A little something for you.


emotional musings- emotionspassion@gmail.com

Smoke words every day.

Tumse na ho payega


It's A Beautiful Lie


« me arrodillo por las noches ante tigres que no me dejarán ser - lo que fuiste no será otra vez - los tigres me han encontrado pero no me importa. »


Health Breakthroughs

AtoZMom's Blog

Where God, Life, & Community Meet

One Mom's Journey with CrossFit

Trials, Tribulations, & Triumphs

Jen Dionne's Website

Small Town Values, BIG Town Ideas


Every Heart Has A Story.

SeaBird Shop

SeaBird Shop

Tax Twerk©

Online Tax Return Service | Accountants in Luton, UK


Sharing What's Trending!


Travel & More

Nifty Life Tips

Dedicated to finding the best tips to help make life more enjoyable.

Nat Carter Artography® - Atlanta Photographer

“Your success depends on how you choose to focus,”

Through Open Lens

Home of Lukas Kondraciuk Photography


Gastradamus is my name, and Gassy Topics are my game!

share the journey

Thoughts Shared from the heart.


La Hasil Mohbtaen Peron Me Ghungroo Bn Kr Nachti Haen Or Maut Se Idhr Qarar Mumkin Hee Nahi Rehta !!


Exploring an Arts & Sciences Education

Doc Raffy

Ronnel Doctora's photography.

The Anxiety Junkie

Losing it and using it

Hello, Professional Girl!

Personal and Professional Development for Millennials


a modern woman’s guide for living

o l i t a

place of all things lovely, by ola masalska

Kirsten Hartman

Fashion, Beauty, Lifestyle

Finding Beauty Middle East

Beauty - Lifestyle - Dining


..... Images by Bren and Ashley Ryan


by Evelina Di Lauro

Messy Mapmaker

Searching Through the Pile of To-Do Lists to See What's Coming Next


Heart only speaks when mind shut down 💘💘💘😊😊😊

Be Different "BUT" Be Yourself

Journey from severe depression - Self healing - Acceptance - Learning - Growth - Connecting - Understanding - Being Unique

Blogging Babe

Grow your blog, Make money.


Thoughts Explorer

Pocketful of Smiles

Discover How To Be Happy

Aching and Hold on Tight

I dont know how to do this

%d bloggers like this: