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Love & Marriage

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A friend of mine posted something on Facebook today and it really made me think. It was a link to what someone else wrote actually. It was about people doing more bragging about being engaged and their wedding plans than focusing on their relationship and why they’re getting married in the first place. Now the one who posted the link is engaged himself and he said he totally agrees with what this other person had to say. It touched also on people who spend more time bragging about their relationship in general than actually enjoying and maintaining it.

I have to say that I too agree with much of what was said in the article. I will admit that sometimes I talk up my boyfriend, but that is only because I do want the world to know how amazing he is. He puts up with me ha ha. Well that and I have been down some dark paths and to finally be where I am, I don’t mind if others know. I am not doing it to brag or show anyone up, but to let the people in my life know I am happy and also to give others who are where I used to be hope. I see so many wearing the shoes it took me so long to get rid of. I believe that if someone like me can find happiness and hold onto it, then it’s possible for everyone in my life that is searching for it to find it themselves. Skepticism is very understandable, been there myself, but that’s just it, because I have been there…I want others to know they’re not alone and also to know that real love and happy relationships do exist. But….there must be a line drawn. One doesn’t need to share every detail of their relationship with Facebook or anyone at all really. The relationship should still be about the two of you and not become everyone’s business.

And when it comes to love, engagements, marriages, etc….I think many have lost sight of what all of that means. First of all, people misuse the word love a lot. It’s gotten to the point that many don’t even view it as having meaning anymore. Too often, it gets said without even thinking about what it really means, how those they say it to feel about it. Love is such a powerful emotion, one that people use as a weapon or use as a means to getting what they want. It is something that should be treated with respect and care. If you really love someone, then by all means, say it. But let me add this….show it too. Words don’t mean anything if you can’t back them up with how you treat them. And please, if you don’t love them or you’re not sure how you feel, DON’T SAY IT! Don’t mess with someone’s heart that way. I, personally, do use the word love a lot, but I also mean it every single time I use it and do my best every day to show those in my life how special they are to me. I encourage more people to do that: Don’t waste time on pretenses, be honest, love, and let love in.

Engagements/weddings are supposed to be wonderful. When you’re engaged, it’s supposed to mean that you and the one you’re with have decided to spend the rest of your lives together. It’s a wonderful time in your life and you have the right to celebrate it. However, when it becomes more of a bragging fest, a cause to compete, and you’re spending more time posting on Facebook/Pinterest/etc than you are celebrating your love, cherishing the one you’re with, and working on keeping a happy and healthy relationship….well…you’ve then lost sight of why you got engaged in the first place. Something else about engagements that get to me is when people brag about the number of times they have been, seriously, like it’s something to brag about. That also means you have had how many failed relationships? People often, it seems, get engaged/married just to do it, to not be alone, to be cool, to brag, for the kids, etc and not because they’re madly in love with one another, ready to spend the rest of their lives with one another. I don’t think some realize at all what a real marriage is supposed to be. At the first sign of trouble, people are breaking up instead of working it out. Some people change their relationship status so often that it makes my head spin. Divorce/ending relationships are popular and it shouldn’t be that way. Some go into relationships/marriages now thinking, “Well, if it doesn’t work out, we can just break up/get a divorce, no big deal.” It’s really such a shame that many act like this. I know that there are a fair amount of people out there that know what a happy and long lasting relationship looks like and are able to maintain theirs, how to be a loyal friend, how to cherish life and not always be in competition with one another. So many have their priorities straight and know what they’re doing. But, sometimes it just seems like we’re the minority.

About the actual wedding itself, my feelings have changed over the years. When I was young, I wanted to have a big, fancy, expensive wedding. I wanted to be a princess for a day, no matter what it took. But the older I have gotten, the less I feel I need to have that happen. I still want my wedding to be beautiful and special, but not overpriced and overdone. I want it to be a day where my family and closest friends get together to celebrate our love, a day we remember for years to come, but I don’t want it to be the fancy stuff people remember. I want them to remember the joy, the love. Why spend so much on one day when you have a life ahead of you together to focus on? Save the thousands upon thousands of dollars on the wedding and use it on the future you two will share. Getting married isn’t or it shouldn’t be about the fancy/expensive dresses, big churches, caterers, dj’s, flowers, decorations, invitations, etc. It should be about marrying your best friend and showing the world how happy you are together, about going forward as a couple that is ready to face the world together, through the good and the bad. I know that within the next year I will be planning my own wedding and something both my boyfriend and I agreed on from the beginning is that we’d make it lovely, but simple. We want it to be memorable and happy, but we can do that without spending a fortune. Hey, if you have a lot of money or maybe your family is rich and wants to give you a fancy wedding…cool, but I still urge you not to lose sight of why you’re getting married in the first place. It’s not about how beautiful everything is….the ring, the dress, the hall, etc. Look at the one you’re about to marry and know that without a doubt that this is the one you want to grow old with. Know that you will disagree, go through hard times, face loss together, struggle with, and that it’s all going to be worth it. Know that this is the one who will wipe your tears, stick it out when you’re not easy to be with, but that they also are the one that makes you laugh even when you’re not up to laughing, gets your humor, makes you smile just by thinking of them, is your best friend, the one who will celebrate with you and encourage you, and will love you as you love them always. When you have found that person and you’re both ready….really ready, not just tired of waiting or think it’s the best you’ll do or that you should because of the kids or all of your friends are already married…..but truly ready….take that step, make that day beautiful, and fill it with more love than the money that is spent on it. True love is so precious, once you have it, don’t take it for granted and do your part to make it last.

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Though Yesterday Is Gone, We Still Remember….

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When someone enters your life and becomes a huge part of your heart, they never truly leave. Losing a loved one isn’t something one ever truly gets over. A part of your heart always aches for them. It’s okay to grieve and at your own pace. Never let someone tell you it’s been too long, to just get over it. Do definitely keep on living for it is the best way to honor their memory, but remember that it’s okay to miss them, to hurt over their absence. I do not only speak of death, but also when a friendship or relationship falls apart and you go your separate ways. Losing someone in any way after they have meant so much to you is hurtful. I have lost so many to death, but I have also loved and then watched/help the relationship fall apart, made wonderful friends and then had those friendships dissipate, and have even had family ties broken over harsh words and difficult times. As each hole in my heart was created, I knew I’d never be the same again. At times I have even wondered, how exactly does one pick up the pieces and move on? How can life ever be the same again? Well, I have found that life can’t be the same as it was, but it’s not over. I still have plenty of reasons to live, to move forward, to smile, to enjoy life. But I won’t pretend that I don’t think of the past now and then, that I don’t grieve over those I have lost, that I am suddenly over the grief I have felt. I won’t let anyone diminish that, though nor will I let that grief take my life away. I want to cherish the time I have while it’s mine to work with. Just don’t judge me if tears fall when I look at pictures of those who were once a vital part of my life and remember, don’t let anyone do that to you. Our pasts may be over, but they do shape us into who we become. And yes, as I always say….just don’t stay in yesterday land for too long, remember where you are and that today is a pretty good place to be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

John, We Miss You

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As yet another soul leaves us
Tears are shed & hearts are broken
So young, still had so much potential
Why? Why was it his time now?
What we wouldn’t give to see him again

As our emotions are stretched thin
And we try to find solace from within
We find that we’re at a loss
How do you say goodbye to yet another friend?
How do you expect our hearts to mend?

“I’m sorry for your loss”
“My condolences” 
Are just a few things many will say
And while we know they mean well
None of that can bring him back

They say time heals all wounds
But that just isn’t true
Things never go back to the way they were
And the hole in your heart that they left
Well, it’s never filled

All that we can do is try to honor their memory
By living the rest of our days to the fullest
Somehow, through the pain
To keep moving forward
Though that sometimes seems impossible

John, I barely knew you
But some of my closest friends knew you well
I pray that in their time of sadness
That they will come together to honor your memory
By loving one another with all they have

You, along with many others we have lost along the way
Will never be forgotten within our hearts
You touched our lives in such a profound way
Wherever you are now, I hope that you know
You may be gone, but your light will live on in us

 

(Dedicated to John Moebs, may this honor you….may this honor all of the friends we have lost in recent past. Too many have left us and it has felt way too soon for us to have to say goodbye. We miss you all. I hope that we do our best to honor your memory by living lives filled with laughter, friendship, joy, and love.)

The Sun Sets On The Past & Rises On The Future….

The weekend is here, well just about. Though only an hour and 12 minutes remain till I punch out, it feels like there are still hours to go. Oh, make that an hour an 11 minutes. 😉 Soon, I will leave, pick up my son from school, and then return home so that we can let our puppy out, feed her and our kitten, and then start to prepare dinner. I suppose to many that sounds dull, a Friday night at home with my son, boyfriend, and pets…just watching stuff on Netflix, maybe play a board game or two, play with our animals, and then at a decent hour, call it a night. I remember the days when I wouldn’t even leave the house until a time when I am now in bed or at least getting ready to do so in the near future. Oh, it’s down to an hour an eight minutes now. So, anyway, yeah, life was once a giant party. For some I know, it still is. Would you call me old then or at least boring because my nights out on the town are few and far between? Do you think me lame for not craving to be a part of that scene anymore? If you do, that is your opinion of my situation. 😉 My opinion is this, that chapter of my life has ended. I don’t feel the need to continuously party, drink, stay out late, and be anywhere but home anymore. But that doesn’t mean I view my life as dull and boring either. It is still full of excitement, good times, friendship, and most of all, love. It’s that my priorities and what I view as fun has changed. There is a season and time for everything that happens in your life. It just so happens that my time for some things has come to an end and yet for others, it’s only just beginning. Happy Friday everyone! (oh and hey, it’s only an hour and one minute away now.) 😉

Giving is NOT seasonal, at least not for me.

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Material things are nice to have, can’t really say that I don’t enjoy getting or giving them. But there are things worth more to me than my computer, music collection, movie collection, clothes, shoes, and the like. Those things that matter most to me can’t be found at stores and/or purchased with money. 

Time, effort, friendship, and love can be given to others without having to spend a dime. One could offer to help an elderly neighbor by shoveling their snow or raking their leaves. We could also volunteer our time as tutors, hosts/hostesses or perhaps servers at a local soup kitchen, and so on. There are other ways that we can give that doesn’t cost much, just some paper, an envelope, and a stamp by writing to soldiers who are far from home and just want a way to connect to the outside world. A friend might be having a rough time emotionally and we could lend them our time and be there to listen. There are countless ways we can help and no matter your budget, you can find a way to give.

So many of us just got done thanking those around us for all we have. Now that December is upon us, people are focusing on giving. Well, some are focusing on getting too, but I know a great deal of us are consumed with Christmas shopping, decorating, cooking, and traveling. I want to take some time away from all of that to remind myself that Christmas is truly about giving, but more of our hearts than our wallets. I want to spend this month offering my time and talents to those around me. I will extend this offer to each of you at WordPress. If I could write you a poem, whether it be to cheer you up or perhaps for a special occasion…or perhaps you just need someone to talk to, would like someone to get a Christmas card from, etc….do let me know. I want those around me to know how much I love them and not necessarily based on how much I spend on them either. I want the love in my heart to shine brightly. No matter your faith, no matter what this season means to you….I want you to know how much you all mean to me. So I am reaching out my hand, as it were, in friendship. If there is anything I can do, let me know. And, so you know, this is not just for December. I want those I cherish to know I am here year round. Giving is not seasonal, at least not for me….and nor should it be. ❤

What Are You Thankful For Today?

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On Facebook, I have been saying something I am thankful for each day for the entire month of November. It’s actually something I think we should do all year. I was thinking about how when a holiday rolls around, many get into the spirit, but then when it’s over, it’s back to “normal”. I wish “normal” was being thankful every single day, being in the giving spirit, wanting to help our fellow man (or woman teehee). Thanksgiving is upon us and so right now I see a lot of people focusing on that and some on Christmas too, though sadly it’s mostly on the food to buy and prepare, decorations, gifts, and so forth. Though there are also a number of people focused on the heart of those days as well. I am delighted to see a few other friends doing the same thing I am on Facebook. Sad thing is, Thanksgiving will end and the posts will stop, but why should they? Shouldn’t we find things to be thankful for everyday? Perhaps we don’t need to post about them, but at least perhaps take a moment to ourselves and say thank you for something. A thankful heart is a happier one, I think.

Religious or not, Christmas too becomes a stressful time for many because people are so consumed with having enough money to buy presents, figuring out what to get and for whom, having the house decorated, do we have the time off work requested, traveling worries, is our house ready for guests, and so on. I am of the Christian faith, so Christmas to me is largely about Christ. However, I don’t see a problem spending that time with loved ones and celebrating our love for one another as well. I think Christ compels us to do just that, that is how I honor my God. But, sometimes even I get so caught up in “what needs to be done” and lose sight of what I am really celebrating. It happens to a lot of us, sadly.

It is all too easy on Easter to get stressed about buying presents for the kids, figuring out good hiding spots, meal preparations, and so on. Memorial Day, Fourth of July, Veteran’s Day….we try to honor our country and those who have defended it….but when those days are over, again, back to “normal”. I don’t like what “normal” seems to be for our country as a whole. Individually, I can not and will not speak as to how people go about their lives. I am sure there are some very humble people who give thanks often for what they have and to those who have given them what they have. But, when I think about 9/11/2001 and how our country really came together…but then later when things had quieted down, our country went back to the way it was, I am saddened. Why does it take a national tragedy or a major holiday to trigger togetherness? Reflect on that for a moment.

Then there are days like Valentine’s Day, Sweetest Day, and the like that have people in a frenzy. We feel obligated to buy things for our loved ones and I don’t like that. What happened to showing our love for one another throughout the year? Sometimes we can be so compassionate, warm hearted, and really treat one another with respect and love. But then, there are times when we’re so selfish, cruel, and insensitive. *shakes head* I know I fall into all of the groups I complain about from time to time and that’s what’s harder for me to personally deal with. I resolve to be kinder and more often, not just when the calendar orders me to do so. I resolve to be more thankful and not take the people in my life for granted. I resolve to honor my country, my God, and my loved ones as often as possible. While I have time yet, I resolve to waste as little of it as possible. That is my wish for all I love, that you all will do the same. Let’s start right now. 🙂 I am indeed thankful for so much in my life, like for instance…all of you who read my blog and support my writing and support me as a friend. What are you thankful for today?

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Remembering isn’t always easy, but I don’t want to forget….

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November 17th, 2012 was a day that shook up the lives of many people, people I would come to know and love. My boyfriend and I had only been dating for a month at the time. We’d just gone out the night before in fact to celebrate. That day we were supposed to meet up at a friend’s for their daughter’s birthday party. I received a text from him that day that said there’d been a family emergency, so he’d be unable to attend. I was curious, but I did not pry. I went about my business and did what I could to help make Hali’s birthday party a success. Hali did have a good time and so looking back on that day now, there was some sunshine upon that day to be grateful for….

Well, anyway, I eventually went back home to check on my grandma, whom I was taking care of at the time. I told my friend I might be back to keep her company. She had an apartment full of pre-teen girls, so having another adult there would be appreciated. 😉 When I was at home and I was settling in for the evening, my boyfriend messaged me online and told me what was going on. His mother died that day. She had cut herself and then they think she second guessed what she was doing and tried to get help, as she was headed in the direction of the hospital. No one knows for sure, but we’re hoping. She crashed the car, they think she might have passed out from the pain. Her faith in God was strong, but she’d been dealing with a lot lately, a lot that no one really understood. My heart broke instantly upon reading Doug’s words. I didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t met his family yet, we were a new couple, and I wanted to approach this in appropriately, only I wasn’t sure how. (I did go back to my friend’s, needed emotional support and she needed the company. It was good to have her to talk to that night.)

The next day was bowling league and he showed up. He told us he probably would because he needed to get his mind off things. He was a bit rough for the wear, as was to be expected. We told him he did not need to be there, but he stayed, and did the best he could. We gave him love and support. He told me later that his dad wanted me to come to the funeral. They had been wanting to meet me, granted not under these circumstances, but he felt I should be there. I had told Doug it was up to him, whether he felt it inappropriate for me to be there or if he needed me to stand beside him. When he told me he wanted me there and that his family wanted me to come, I decided to go.

The wake/visitation was rough. His dad hugged me when he met me, fell apart in my arms. I broke down a bit, but I held him. I hugged so many people that day, many I don’t remember today. There was a lot of crying, some laughing too as they recalled memories of her. I was told by more than one person they were glad I was there to support Doug. I know now, it was the right place to be, by his side. It’s where I want to be for the rest of my life, through the extremely good and the heartbreakingly tough. We’re approaching the one year mark since she died. Sunday is going to be very emotional for him and his family. I will be right where I was a year ago, holding his hand and supporting him. His family is wonderful and I am glad I have been able to get to know them. Many times I wish I had gotten to meet them under better circumstances and more so, that I had gotten to meet his mom, alive. But, I have gotten to know her in a different way. I am grateful for the pictures I have seen, the stories I have heard, and I think the greatest part of her I see is in her children. She and Phil raised three wonderful children, all driven to succeed, who have outstanding morals, and have such warm and giving hearts. Her legacy shall live on through them and her grandchildren, as well as the rest of her family and her friends. So many people miss her and Sunday will be rough, but love will help us through. It is not easy to deal with death, even though it’s something we all face. But, with God’s love and grace….and time, we won’t fully heal, but we’ll make it.

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