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Posts tagged ‘share’

I AM ME….ah, BUT, WHO ARE YOU?

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Throughout life, we’re given many labels. I have had and currently have so many that I have lost count. I am known as many things to many people, such as….

I am Russell’s daughter, the daughter of an alcoholic and both town & family outcast. I am Danette’s daughter, the daughter of a mentally troubled woman, with a rough past. I am Mike, Matt, & Brenda’s sister and so much can be said about that. I am a Strahota and a Werth, though neither has even been my last name. I am Zach’s mother, the one both ridiculed and praised for my efforts. I am friend to many, foe to a few, and invisible to others. I am also known as Doug’s girlfriend, other half…the one who cooks, cleans, and tries to keep him organized. 😉 I have worn many hats, some not worn by choice and others I have gladly put upon my head. In the end though, it can be a little daunting. I don’t ever want to be so attached to any one person that I lose my identity. I don’t mind being many things to many people, but at the end of the day, I still want to be known as…me.

I am the girl that wears her heart on her sleeve, cries easily, loves to hug her family and friends, and will tell you without reservation how I feel. I am the one who is stubborn and set in her ways and yet tries to compromise whenever possible, partially because I hate to fight and like peace and also partially because I think it is good to meet in the middle, to both give and take. I am the who can usually be found carrying her camera, pen & paper, and thousands of thoughts in her purse. I am a writer, singer, lousy bowler on our team, dreamer, lover, and the one who will fight for what she believes in and stand up for those she loves. I am the the adviser, the cook, the neat freak, the bi-polar chick, the Harry Potter nut, the Hunger Games enthusiast, the Twilight nerd, the reader, the fast typist, the game teacher, the joker, the church goer and God believer, the cat lover, & the list keeps going.

I am part German, French, Irish, English, Native American, and Bohemian. I am mostly German and can’t drink beer, also I do not like brats or much else that is labeled as traditionally German cuisine. I cling to my Irish heritage, hey my favorite color is even green. 😉 The music is beautiful and how I dream of seeing the beauty of Ireland. I took french in school because I thought it sounded prettier and because of my heritage. I too would love to see France and partake in the food, see the tourist spots, and just gaze upon its ancient history. The English and Native American in me are two I have pride in and yet, they were at war with one another. I think good came from both, but wish they could have co-existed much better than they did. Bohemia no longer exists, but I was told that my grandfather’s family came from there many years ago and when they did, half of the brothers kept the C in Strachota and the others dropped it. Well, my grandfather was raised without the C in his, though I wonder how far back that all was…before he was born, but I am not sure how much before.

I am the curious one who wonders about just about everything. Why is the sky called the sky? Why is it called the color blue and why are colors called colors? What makes the clock tick? Let me take it apart to find out. What would life be like if we didn’t have to eat or sleep to survive? What would the world be like if no one ever sinned? What would it be like if we lived under water and instead couldn’t live on land? Why did my grandfather do the things he did? What was it like for my other grandfather when he was in the Navy? Why did my dad turn to alcohol? Will he ever tell me that he loves me? Why won’t my mom deal with the past? Why is her favorite color purple? Is she proud of me? Why does Doug love me so much? Why did Zach have to inherit my mental health issues? Why do people judge him so harshly? And what about me? Will my son turn out alright? What will become of me? What am I meant to do? Who am I really?

Some of those questions I will never be able to answer and some I know I will find out what I need and want to know. Some I think I can answer now, if I really chose to. The one I don’t really have to question is, who am I because there is no real way to answer that except to say simply this, I am me. There are many truths that can be stated, but none of them fully define me, they but give you pictures for you to view, to help you understand who I am. In the end, it’s just that I am me. I am difficult to handle, but really not so easy to understand, if you but have the patience to try. Do you have the patience and willingness to do so? And are you in turn willing to show me who you are, willing to let me into your gallery to see the many paintings, sculptures, and unfinished works that but only give me a glimpse into your identity? Might I hear your words, your songs, your thoughts, and your dreams? I will gladly share with you, no walls will I put up to hold you back, if you are but willing to let me in as well. I am me, do you want to know just who that is and let me ask, who are you?

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When My Time Comes

effortlessness

There’s so much left to do

I’d like to cross the oceans blue

See lands far away

Upon foreign grasses lay

 

I want to see my son continue to grow

Him as an adult, I’d like to know

His path is yet unknown

Will I perhaps see him have a family of his own?

 

I’ve only begun to live my life

One day I hope to become my love’s wife

Journey together through life as one

Until my time on earth is done

 

More laughter and joy are yet to be had

For many more years left I’d be glad

So that I may share the love in my heart

For as long as I can till it’s my time to depart

 

But as I have come to learn

None of us knows how long our candles will burn

So while there is yet light

I strive to live my life right

 

When my time does come to pass

Sprinkle my ashes on my home land’s grass

Do not wear black to say goodbye

Wear colors many to celebrate my life

 

I can’t tell you not to cry

It’s always difficult to say goodbye

But do try to smile if you can

A celebration of a full life lived, make that your plan

 

Someone sing, “I’ll Fly Away” for me

It doesn’t matter if it’s off key

Bow your heads as it’s sung

Then lift them high after the last note has rung

 

Share pictures and stories from our times together

Know that even in death, our bond will not sever

A happy, stubborn, & loving klutz was I

Let the love we shared twinkle in the sky

 

I pray that I still have many years left to live

I still have so much left to give

But whether my days yet are many or few

I’ve been blessed to know and love all of you

rainbowflower

Challenge accepted: A sort of blog philosophy

Paul Davis, upon my request, issued me a challenge. I am to write, as he put it, a sort of blog philosophy. I am to write about what message I am hoping to convey with my blog, the whole point of blogs, and how I feel people ought to use them. Well, Paul…I accept the challenge.

First, what is my intended message that I wish to convey to those who happen to stumble across my blog? Well, this all started because my friend Courtney suggested I start a blog to share my life experiences with others because she thinks I can inspire others, give them hope and courage to get through their own struggles. I thought that sounded like a pretty good idea. No longer does my past hinder me, instead I let it teach me, help me grow, and inspire others to push through their own struggles.

My life has been quite the ride thus far, full of lots of joy, laughter, hope, and love….but also full of lots of pain, heartache, abuse, confusion, and anger. For a long time, I let my past hold me back. I beat myself up over my countless mistakes and wondered what the point of trying succeed and have a good life was. I was just doomed to fail in the end, as I seemed to always do. I was definitely one of my worst enemies. I let other’s judgments hold me back. I gave them control when it was never theirs to have.

I was ignored and emotionally abused by my mother, sexually abused by her boyfriend, made a ward of the state, emotionally abused by my father, made fun of in school, used/lied to/cheated on by guys, taken advantage of by so called friends, sat in jail for fines I never paid off when I should have, and so on. I also hurt a lot of people in the wake of all of this. Confused and hurt, I tore myself and others down. I lied, cheated, and stole to get what I thought I wanted. I wanted to be loved and accepted, though I never even accepted myself.

I have grown up a lot, especially in the last year. Dealing with cleaning and gutting my grandma’s house and now taking care of her has really made me mature. I see and read about so many people who have struggled and many who currently do with overcoming their past. I once thought I was a lost cause, but now I know that’s not the case and I know it’s not the case for anyone else. When Courtney made the suggestion to start a blog to tell my story, share my adventures with others, a light went on inside my head. If I can help even one person through a rough time, it’s worth it. I am to be a beacon for others, to show love and compassion, to help, to be a friend. So, that’s it…my long winded answer to what message I want my blog to give: hope.

What is the point of blogs? My opinion is this, it varies. Thousands upon thousands of people blog, all over the world, in many languages, and speak about many different things. Some don’t even speak, they just share photos. In the end though, I suppose there is one main thing that ties us together. We’re all here to share of ourselves. Whether it’s a music video, a piece of art, a book review, poetry, bible verses, venting about a rough day, telling jokes, guess that photo game, etc etc….it’s all a glimpse into the personality of the poster. Whether they intend for people to read their blog or not, they know it’s on the internet and so the possibility is there for people to see it, and start to follow it. We share a piece of ourselves each time we post anything. We open ourselves up to criticism, praise, debate, and so on. The point of blogging is to share and to connect with others. If you wish it to be strictly private, you’d make it so no one could read it…keep a journal if you will. To be online and have it open to the public means you’re willingly sharing of yourself. So yeah, that’s my opinion…we blog to share.

How should a blog be used? Well, I feel it should be used in a positive manner. One should not blog to tear others down, to make a fool out of others where millions of people can see it, and should not be used unlawfully. What is posted is up to the blogger, but hopefully they use common sense and have a sense of decency when they share. Attacking others verbally, in my eyes, is abuse and it’s wrong enough outside the world of blogging….but then once online and millions can see it….not only can it not be taken back, but it’s public, and will leave a lasting impression on so many people. A healthy debate, fine. Many post about difficult tops like views on religion, politics, raising kids, adoption, war, etc…that’s just fine, keeping in mind that the poster is hopefully mature about it. Name calling is childish. It’s done often, people get defensive, and fight over someone’s post. I don’t feel that a blog should be used for that purpose. Take it outside people, get away from prying eyes. You really want to have a heated conversation with someone….find a way to chat privately with them. It’s so awkward to read a post and then see the arguing underneath. The poster probably knew there was a chance that would happen, but the ones starting the fight are no less to blame. It is not my right to tell people how to behave, online or off, but I was given the challenge to express my views. I view blog sites as a place to share, connect, network, and make friends….not fight and make enemies. I know no one agrees with anyone all of the time and to have a healthy debate is great, I just wish there was less fighting and immaturity. Sometimes it’s like being in school all over again, seeing the big fight on the playground. Some are egging them on, some ran and hid, some just passively watched, some placed bets, and others managed to ignore the whole thing. While I feel it is good to keep a part of our childhood alive and be youthful from time to time, some parts of it should be left on the proverbial playground. 😉 With all of that said: Share, laugh, debate, blog on…

I have been nominated for a Very Inspiring Blogger Award….

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I have been nominated by http://thereporterandthegirl.com/ for a Very Inspiring Blogger Award and I first wanted to thank her for the nomination and invite all my followers to check out her blog. 🙂

Here are the rules of the award:
1.) Display the award logo on your blog.
2.) Link back to the person who nominated you.
3.) State 7 things about yourself.
4.) Nominate 15 bloggers for this award.
5.) Notify those bloggers of the nomination by linking to one of their specific posts so that they get notified by ping back.

So, per the rules, I need to state seven facts about myself. So, here they are:

1. My favorite color is green, greens like emerald, forest, hunter, etc.

2. I have a 10 year old son who is my light, my life.

3. I love to sing.

4. My bowling average is 110.

5. I have a wonderful boyfriend named, Doug.

6. I live in Milwaukee, WIsconsin.

7. I am so blessed and honored to be a part of the WordPress community and have very much enjoyed reading and participating. Keep writing!

Next, I must nominate 15 bloggers who I feel are deserving of this same award. So, I would like to nominate these 15 people for The Very Inspiring Blogger Award:

http://quotily.wordpress.com

http://lesleycarter.wordpress.com

http://morningstoryanddilbert.wordpress.com

http://tracielouisephotography.net

http://eyedancers.wordpress.com

http://terrificmed.wordpress.com

http://thebettermanprojects.com

http://thoughtstalesandwhatnot.wordpress.com

http://nostroviawriting.wordpress.com

http://thebeliefblog.com

http://daivasnotes.wordpress.com

http://5kidswdisabilities.com

http://onceamonth4ladies.com

http://pregoandtheloon.wordpress.com

http://thejournalfiles.wordpress.com

Check out these awesome blogs! They have amazing stories, life lessons, laughs, and so much more to share with you!!! Happy reading! And thank you again for the nomination, The Girl, I happily and graciously accept it. Thanks to all who have supported this endeavor and most importantly, thank you to my friend Courtney Wiher who got me to start blogging on WordPress!

❤ Much love ❤

Carissa

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