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Posts tagged ‘perspective’

The Art of Self Love

believe1

Many of us are harder on ourselves than we are on others, than others are on us. We struggle to forgive ourselves, let go of the guilt and regret, and see the beauty within us.

That saying that we’re our own worst critics is often true. We hold ourselves to higher standards than we need to and when we fall short, we berate ourselves. No matter how much others may love us, we often struggle to love ourselves. We don’t see ourselves the way they do.

It takes great strength to see past our flaws, mistakes, and failures. However difficult it may seem though, I’ve learned it’s not impossible to achieve. There is hope for us, if we choose to see it.

The art of self love is one that takes a lot of work. Rising above our feelings of inadequacy, self loathing, guilt, and shame takes a strong will and lots of determination, but it is possible. We have to learn how to let go of the negative and see the good. Learning how to take compliments, without getting a big ego, and see the truth in them helps. Taking some time to see ourselves the way others do, especially those that see our beauty and worth is huge. Those that love us have their reasons and striving to know and understand them can go a long way towards having a better outlook on who we are.

I urge us all to try to set aside what we see, to instead think of those that love us most and try seeing what they see. I believe that may be the key to the beginning of a beautiful soul finding its worth. We all have our strengths, traits that make us amazing, so much beauty within, and a lot to offer. We just need to see it for ourselves, to truly believe it. No amount of praise erases self doubt, but changing how we view ourselves can. 💞

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Random Thought

blue-morpho-butterfly

Something that is truly amazing is when readers can find meaning in a piece that the writer never even considered until the readers said something.

Just food for thought. ♡

Daddies Matter Too

Daddy

I had just written a poem about being pregnant and as I gave it some thought, I thought I should write something for the dads out there too. The women are the ones carrying the baby, but it took two to create the beautiful life. And I feel that sometimes the dad’s feelings are overlooked. I wanted to change that a little….

 

She told me that we need to talk

She said that it’s important

I’ve noticed that she’s been acting a little differently

I wonder what is going on inside that head of hers

 

Her moods have been a bit off

And I don’t know what to make of it

Is something wrong? Did I do something?

I wonder, could it be that she’s pregnant?

 

I am on pins and needles waiting to talk to her

I just want to know what’s going on

So we can figure everything out

The not knowing is the hardest part

 

We sit down together in the living room

The look in her eyes is hard to read

As she opens her mouth to speak

I see tears flowing down her cheeks

 

She reaches out for my hand and I clasp hers

She then tells me that she was “late”

And that she’d taken a pregnancy test

The results are in, “We’re having a baby!”

 

My mind is going a mile a minute

I had slightly suspected this could be the case

But I admit I wasn’t entirely prepared for it

I am not even sure how I feel right now

 

There’s so many emotions inside of me

I’m not sure how to make sense of them

A dad, I’m going to be a dad!

This is a lot for me to process

 

I squeeze her hand and smile

And then she drops my hand and leans in

I let her fall into me and I hold her tightly

I feel her body move as she cries

 

We sit like this for awhile and then she pulls back

She looks into my eyes and she asks me how I feel about this

I open my mouth to speak and at first, no words come out

And then I tell her, “I’m scared, but I’m happy too.”

 

Over the next few weeks, she’s making calls

Setting up appointments and making plans

In this time, my mind is slowly wrapping itself around it all

Our lives have changed so much and I know it’s only the beginning

 

She’s been getting sick and I don’t know how to deal with it

Nothing I say or do helps her feel any better

I feel like my hands are tied

And I hate seeing her like this

 

Things have been changing for her so much

And in so little time it seems

I rub her back, hold her, and bring her whatever she asks

But I feel like it’s not enough

 

I know this is all hard for her

And I wish I could make things easier

She’s the one carrying our child

While I sit here trying to figure out how to help

 

She’s crying one minute and ready to throw things the next

I feel like I need to walk on eggshells around her sometimes

I admit, it can be a bit frustrating to handle now and then

But then I remember, there’s a life growing inside of her

 

We heard our child’s heartbeat for the first time today

She cried and while I didn’t, I admit that it was hard not to

In this moment, it has become more real than it’s ever been

That sound made things very clear to me

 

We’re figuring out how to rearrange our home

My workout room will become our child’s bedroom

But where will I put everything that’s been in there?

I suppose she’ll want me to repaint the room, I hate painting

 

Her clothes don’t fit anymore and she’s depressed

I reassure her that she’s still the most beautiful woman I know

We talk about baby names and wonder what gender our child will be

We also discuss if we will find out the gender early or wait

 

The sickness has been gone for a little while

But the mood swings have increased

This has been an emotional roller coaster

And not just for her, but for me too

 

Today, she took my hand and placed it on her belly

After a few moments, I felt our baby move

That feeling was intense

I can only imagine how she feels

 

I admit, I am getting a little excited

But, I am also very nervous

I know my partner and our child both need me

I don’t want to fail them and I’m afraid I might

 

I envision our child as a little boy

And I see myself playing ball with him

Teaching him about girls and their crazy ways

And working on the old mustang my dad left me

 

And then I see our child being a girl

I see myself pushing her on the swings at the nearby park

Having tea with her and her favorite stuffed animals

And teaching her about boys and their many flaws

 

As the time draws closer, plans are being made

She’s had her baby shower and we’ve bought a lot more since

For someone so small, they sure need an awful lot

And we begin to baby proof everything

 

Her bag for the hospital is set and now we play the waiting game

Her due date is within days and the anxiety and anxiousness set in

She’s uncomfortable and I can tell just by how she moves

I do what I can to make things easier for her

 

Here it is, the moment of truth

Her contractions have started

As we time them, they begin to get closer together

So we grab her bag, our coats, and we’re out the door

 

The sounds she makes when the contractions hit are intense

I hear the pain in her voice and my heart breaks

I can’t endure this pain for her and there’s nothing I can do to help

I drive as fast as I can to get her to the hospital

 

She’s checked in and in a delivery room

Doctors and nurses seem to be everywhere

And yet no where at the same time

The contractions are so close together now

 

What seems like an eternity later, her water has broken

And they say it won’t be too long now

But, that’s not what it feels like

Watching and listening to my partner as she’s in labor

 

I hold her hand and tell her I love her a million times

She looks so tired, just ready to pass out

But then another wave of pain hits

She squeezes my hand and I feel it go numb

 

And then finally, the doctor tells me the baby is crowning

Before I know it, I hear the sounds of a baby crying

The doctor cuts the umbilical cord and announces, “It’s a girl!”

I feel as if I’m the one who is going to pass out now

 

I watch as they wipe her down and wrap her up

And then place her in my love’s arms

The smile on her face is the brightest I have ever seen

She has never looked more beautiful than she does right now

 

She just stares at her for awhile and then looks at me

She asks me if I want to hold our daughter

Hesitantly, I reach out my arms and take her

This is it, she’s finally here

 

As I look down upon the sleepy little face

Something changes inside me

And then my own tears fall

Right here is my world, my everything

 

I know that from now on our lives will never be the same

And while a part of me is still nervous

The joy I feel overrides that by a million times over

Looking at my partner and my daughter, I feel whole

 

 

 

A short story to pass the time

Autumn Leaves
The frigid cold grips my bones as the October wind seeps into my skin. I don’t mind as much as I normally might, not today. I look into the sky and see the golden sun greeting me and I know today will be a good day. I stop to look at my feet and see the brightly colored leaves beneath me. Hues of purple, red, orange, and yellow are scattered on the ground as far as my eyes can see, which granted isn’t that far I suppose, but it seems endless to me.

I ponder the days events and as nice as it would have been to stay in bed, I know things must get done. There are bills to pay, plans to be made, a birthday party to plan for, and so much more. Rest will come in due time, but that time isn’t right now. So, I clutch my coat closer to my body as another gust of wind attacks me and starting walking forward once more.

I must have slipped into a daze as I was walking and I am not sure for how long I was lost in my own little world, but a voice calling my name brought me back.

“Miranda!” shouted a familiar voice.

I turned around to see my sister rushing towards me. I admit I was a bit surprised to see her, but not unpleasantly so.

“Lexi? I didn’t think you were coming into town until Saturday; why didn’t you call?”

“It was a last minute decision, decided to come here on a whim late last night and I didn’t want to wake you.” She still sounded a bit out of breath.

“I see, well, I am on my way to pick up a couple of things for Drew’s birthday party this weekend and then pay a couple of bills. My car is in the shop and Greg couldn’t spare his truck today because he was going to be all over town for work today, so I was on my way to the bus stop, but perhaps you wouldn’t mind giving me a lift since you’re here?” I asked ever so sweetly.

“Yeah, that’s fine. That will give us a chance to talk before your hubby and kids get home for the evening.” Lexi said with a smile.

“It wasn’t just a random decision to come early was it?” I asked suspiciously.

“Not quite, no, though the reason did just come to me last night.” Lexi admitted.

“Well then spill it.” I urged her as we turned to cross the street where her black Explorer was parked.

“I won tickets to tomorrow night’s hockey game and thought it would make a good early birthday present for Drew. Would you mind if I took Drew to dinner and the game, spend some quality time with my nephew?” Lexi asked.

“I mean, does he have anything going on at school or do you guys have plans?” Lexi continued.

“We were actually just going to spend the evening cleaning the house and getting things ready for the party this weekend, but I can spare Drew from that for the evening.” I laughed as I know how much Drew hates cleaning, even if it is for his party.

“Great, sorry about the last minute notice, but I had just won them at work, been waiting to see who won for weeks now, was hoping to win so I could surprise Drew with them. I didn’t tell anyone before because I didn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up. I had a backup plan if I hadn’t won, so don’t look at me like that. Anyway, I didn’t have time to call while there. By the time I got home, it was late, thanks to that project I told you about last week. It’s been ten months and we’re still not making any real headway, wish my boss would figure things out so we could wrap this up already; I have a few pending projects I’d like to give some attention to.”  Lexi vented.

“Ten months is a long time to not at least have a direction to go with it.” I agreed.

“Yeah, it is. I am not here to focus on that right now though. While my boss is arguing with the client and belittling his secretary, I took a couple of days for myself before I exploded. I want to enjoy the nice autumn day, perhaps have a pumpkin latte, and spend some quality time with you while I can before I have to go back home and deal with reality again.” Lexi sighed and tiredly smiled at me.

“It will be a bit hectic running errands and getting things ready for the weekend, so I am not sure how much time you’ll get to relax.” I told her.

“Running errands with you sounds a lot less stressful to me than being in Boston right now.” Lexi said.

“Yeah, I suppose it does. Well, unlock the doors so we can get to it.” I clutched my coat even tighter to me still as another burst of bitter wind passed through me.

She unlocked the doors so we could get in. I buckled up while she started the car. As the engine roared to life, I looked at my sister and thanked God for her showing up today. I am happy the sun is out, but that waiting outside for the buses today with that wind wouldn’t have been fun. I knew today was going to be a good day and seeing Lexi just reinforced that thought in my mind.

Life is full of unexpected events, some good and some bad. It’s not those circumstances that define our lives and who we are, it’s how we handle them that shows our character. When my car broke down, initially I was angry and wondered how I’d ever get everything taken care of. When I took a few moments to stop and think things through and weighed my options, I realized the situation wasn’t as bleak as it first had seemed. The weather this morning made me want to stay in bed, till I took a good look at the sun peering through the windows. I decided to have a better outlook on things and then that’s when things began to work out. My sister showing up is such a blessing. Looking out the window, I glance at the sun and smile, grateful for it’s reminder that life is good when we let it be.

DJ, do NOT press repeat….

music

“When the way you look at things change, the things you look at change.” I have heard/read this quote so many times and I haven’t realized just how true it is until today.

In the past, I found more to complain about than to be thankful about. I probably sounded like a broken record to many or another analogy I thought of today: The overplayed song on the radio that every time you hear it makes you cringe and want to throw the radio out of the window or perhaps at a brick wall. I also made the same mistakes over and over again; loved ones grew tired over the years watching me hit repeat over and over.

The truth is, I could still whine about a lot of things, but I have come to realize that all of that complaining only drove people away and made me more miserable than I was to begin with. Misery doesn’t always love company either, let me tell you. Let us not wallow together, that just makes us all feel worse. I still make mistakes, but now I learn from them and quicker than I used to. It’s amazing what a little maturity and a different perspective can do. 🙂

Sometimes there are things that happen that are out of our control that are horrible, devastating, depressing, cruel, and just hard to move on from. Financial woes, relationship issues, health problems, car troubles, loss of loved ones, and so on throw themselves at us along our journey and sometimes we stumble, fall, and get hurt. Hardships in life can’t be prevented and I know now that the goal isn’t to try to have a perfect life and nor is it to have a heart made of stone so as to get through life without getting your heart broken or your pride wounded. I believe it’s to come through all of life’s troubles having learned and grown.

I view life differently now. Yes, there are and will be things throughout my life that don’t pan out the way I’d like and bad things will happen to me, but I choose to hold to my faith, and push through every storm that comes my way till the sun shines again. It may rain for a good long while, but I know it will end, and in the meantime, let’s go jump in a puddle or two till it does, eh? I have a lot to be grateful for and now that I see that, now that my perspective on life has changed, I see my life as something beautiful and to be loved and lived to the fullest extent possible.

Also, while we may not be in charge of other’s actions and reactions, but are of our own, we’re going to make mistakes throughout our lives. I believe that each mistake is a chance to learn something and to grow from it. Though some keep making the same mistake over and over, like dating the same guy so many times that people are saying: “Just stay broken up or just stay together already.” or eating that food you know that will make you sick. I guess some people take longer to learn than others? Some perhaps never learn certain lessons, but I do believe for the most part that fear of making a mistake should not hold one back from living. We’re all going to fall and fail sometimes, but if we use that as an excuse not to do things, then I feel we’re not truly living. Life is full of risks, many worth taking. Learning and growing happen throughout life. If you ever feel you’re done growing, then you’re done living.

That is where my head is at today: Find new ways to see your life, don’t let fear keep you from enjoying life, mistakes are your next chance to grow, live your life to the fullest, and remember your happiness depends on you and not those around you. Have a great day! Life: Un-paused, hit Play.

So Close & Yet Worlds Apart

A seemingly quiet beach I roamed

Warm sand beneath my feet

Quieting my mind of all thoughts

Seeking peace and tranquility

No worries, cares, or voices to tug at me

 

It’s easier to find a quiet place

Than it is to quiet the mind

The voices try to break free

Emotions try to overwhelm me

“SEE ME!”, they all cry

 

Sometimes we just need a moment totally alone

Fully free from everything

Even ourselves, if that makes any sense

So I chose this place of beauty to seclude myself

Even if for only a little while

 

With great will power, I manage to quiet my mind

Staring at the calm water

The sun is hot

But the breeze lightly touches my tanned skin

The elements are kind to me today

 

I sit and as time goes by, my eyes begin to droop

The day fades away while I slumber

I wake to see the sky has painted a beautiful array of colors

My limbs are stiff as I try to stretch

I know that I must return to reality though

 

I grab my bag and pull myself to my feet

The sand is still warm beneath them

I purposefully walk slowly towards civilization

As the grogginess wears off

The voices within me begin to wake

 

“It’s been long enough, hear me now!”, they shout

Okay, fine, but one at a time I think grudgingly

I see my car as I finally get to the lot

But it is not alone

Next to my silver friend is a small blue Toyota

 

I don’t see anyone about

There was no evidence of anyone when I was out

But who knows, the beach is pretty big

Maybe there is another soul here trying to find quiet

I think little of it as I get into my car to leave

 

I walk through the door and sounds of life greet me

Norbert lovingly nudges my leg

The smells of grilled chicken meets my nose

“Honey, how was your soul searching?”

“Mom, hey can Tanner come over later?”

 

I get back to the hustle and bustle of life

Dinner with my family, a walk with my hubby and dog

Clean up time, watching my boys play the Wii

Making calls, setting up appointments

Settling in for the night

 

As I turn on the nightly news

I am greeted by a familiar sight

There is the beach I was at today

They found a nineteen year old boy dead

A couple miles down from where I’d been

 

Was that the one who had the blue Toyota?

They said it was suicide

There was a note in his car

His girlfriend had left him, lost his job

Felt alone and yet he wasn’t, only I didn’t know

 

It saddened me that even when two can be so close in distance

They can be worlds apart

My heart ached for the young man

Would I have been able to help had I wandered a little further?

Could his life had been saved?

 

I know it’s not my fault

I had no way of knowing he was there

Or what was going on

I didn’t even know him

And yet I feel so bad

 

A young life is lost

People out there grieve for him

Friends and family have to say goodbye

I cry for the life lost today

And cherish those around me just a little bit more

Emma Ortega Negrete

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