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Posts tagged ‘past’

When the Past Hurts Say Hello…

sunrise

Sometimes the past stays away for a long time and then unexpectedly knocks on the door, says hello, brings in their baggage, and wants to stay.

You hear a song, see something on TV, look at old pictures, find old things, have a conversation, read something, or have a dream that brings the memories of old to the surface. Though you’re living in the now, the past sometimes tugs at your sleeve, begging for your attention. Psst, don’t forget about me….

Sometimes our memories are pleasant, making us smile and laugh. Inside jokes, family gatherings, vacations, fun times with friends, your kid’s art projects and memorabilia collected throughout the years, something or someone that helped you grow and change for the better, firsts, buying your home, anniversaries of jobs, marriages, friendships, and so much more. While we should live for today, it’s okay to remember yesterday. It helped us become who we are today.

But sometimes, the memories and feelings they stir up are anything but pleasant. I had a moment like that this morning. Someone is celebrating their birthday tomorrow and dreads it each year, because they keep hoping their dad will acknowledge them and then is disappointed every time. I know this feeling. I share a birthday with my dad and he’s not once called, sent a letter, come to visit, asked me to visit, or done anything to wish me happy birthday. I’ve done so for him and every effort is ignored.

It’s hard to ignore the past when it’s part of your present. There’s still a part of me that longs for my dad’s love, effort to have a real relationship, and healing for all the pain over the years. Despite all he’s done, he’s my dad and I do love him. I think a part of him loves me, but sometimes I’m not really so sure.

I needed to lift myself out of the depression I felt trying to swallow me whole, but wasn’t sure how. I felt the tears coming and kept trying to stop them. I turn 40 this year and I still feel like a little girl begging my daddy to love me. How do I not dwell on this???

Some advice I gave this young person was though it’s easier said than done is to try to focus more on those who are there for them and less on those that aren’t. Advice can and is usually easier to give than take, but I knew I needed to try. I had just posted recently about moving forward, not staying in the past. I knew I owed it to myself and anyone I’ve given this advice to, to take it to heart myself.

A part of me does long for my dad’s love and attention, but if I dwell on that or anything else that I can’t control, I’ll be an emotional mess every day. I can’t control others or many situations, only myself and how I react to what happens. I may not have the affection I seek from him or many others, but I do get it from so many more. They show me love and it’s that love I should focus on, treasure, and give to them in return.

So, past and even present pain, I say this to you, you’re not welcome today. I will take your baggage for you, place it and you in an Uber, and send you on your way. You will not destroy me with your negativity, not today, no not today. I hope this helps even one of you who may be struggling this way yourself. May you know you are loved and use that as a light to get through to a good place. When the past hurts say hello, let us tell them goodbye.

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To Move Forward, We Must Stop Living in the Past…

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There’s a difference between letting the past guide us and living in it. Letting yesterday remind us of where we came from and showing us what to do and often times, not to do can be a good thing. But sometimes, we let the past consume us and forget to live for today and the days yet to come.

To see our potential, grow, and learn, we must move forward. It’s time to quit looking in the rearview mirror or else we might not see where we’re headed and crash. It can be easy to get lost in nostalgia or let the fear that the past stuck with us take over our minds, but it’s important not to forget the world keeps turning no matter what we do. We want to go along for the ride, don’t we? 😉

Dear Future Me

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So many of us have imagined what we’d say to younger versions of ourselves if we got the chance. Oh the advice we’d give, the wisdom we’d share. Perhaps then we’d have avoided some of the hard times?

I, myself, have written such letters to versions of myself that are long gone. But today, I wondered what I might say to a future versions of myself, were I given the opportunity to meet her. Might it go something like this….

Dear Future Me,

You don’t exist yet, but I’m hoping that when you do and you get the chance to read this that you’ll take what I have to say to heart.

So far, you have spent so much time worrying, over analyzing things, focusing on things that don’t matter in the grand scheme of things, and dwelling on what was instead of what is and what could be. Let me say this, stop. Life is too short to stress so much. If you’re here, able to read this, take a moment to count your blessings and then go out and make the most of the time you have.

How many sleepless nights have you spent worrying about things that worked themselves out in the end? How many times have you needlessly panicked? Let’s not focus so much on what is out of our control or sweat the small things.

Instead, let’s shape the moments we can into ones full of love and laughter. Give when you can. When the hard times come, remember you’ve gotten through worse and push forward believing this too is another hurdle we’ll get over. You may roll your eyes at this, but deep down you know there’s wisdom in what I’m telling you.

Things won’t always be sunshine and roses and nor will they always be dark and depressing. There’s light and dark throughout every stage in life. Find courage in the tough times, let wisdom grace you, and learn from them. Find joy in the wonderful moments, may love touch you, and may you let it do the same for others.

You’ve made it this far, keep going! I believe in you, as do many others. Here’s to tomorrow letting us see its wondrous beauty and all it has in store.

Sincerely,

The you you once knew

 

*What would you tell the you of tomorrow?*

Holidays Aren’t On Tuesdays

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I was lying in bed, half awake this morning and thinking about our trash and recycling going out today. If there’s a holiday on our normal pick-up day, then they pick up the day before.

For some reason, my mind told me that there aren’t holidays on Tuesdays, thinking of Easter, Thanksgiving, etc. Though then I thought about Christmas, Fourth of July, etc and felt really silly. But, I thought my thought would make for a pretty cool blog title. Waste not! I just needed to figure out what I wanted to talk about.

Today’s date is memorable for a few reasons. As stated in my previous blog, today marks four years with WordPress. But, it signifies a couple other things as well.

Sixteen years ago today, I was in a car accident that nearly claimed my life. The circumstances were ones that could have been prevented. But, my friends and I made some stupid decisions and luckily, I can say we’re all still here living our lives. Lessons learned.

The last thing that makes today memorable is that my daughter, Claralynn turns three months. What an incredible three months it’s been, watching her grow and develop. I’m so blessed.

So today might not be a holiday, but it’s still a special day. People around the world are celebrating anniversaries, birthdays, promotions, new journies, and life in general. Though even without any “special” things going on, I still would say celebrate because you’re here, given another day to love and to live. So, make the most of it!

A Question I Ask Thee…

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I feel like many only skim over blogs and don’t take the time to fully read them. So many times, I see blogs that ask people for their input and people just simply “like” the blog, but don’t leave any feedback. I think that’s wrong. If we’re really going to be a part of this community, we should share more with one another and I don’t mean just writing more blogs, but commenting on one another’s work and becoming something bigger, something greater, something with more heart.

Yesterday, I wrote such a blog, one that asked for feedback and not one person answered the question I posed. Why? Why did everyone simply hit “like” and then continue to scroll past? I don’t want to just write blogs and have people lightly read what I have to say. I want people to engage in conversation with me and with others. I try to participate in other’s blogs as often as I can, even spark conversations with others that commented. This is a community, one that should be ready to grow together. We need to work on doing that more. I am guilty of it too sometimes, but I am getting better at it.

So, I am going to try this again and see if anyone is really paying attention to what I am saying. Yesterday, I asked those who happen to read it that day who their greatest influence in life is and why. I am going to pose that same question today. Today though, I am kindly asking for you to comment, to actually participate. I want to get to know my readers and anyone else who might stumble upon my blog. I am here for so much more than sharing my thoughts and feelings. I want to get to know others, be inspired by you, and hopefully inspire you as well. Let’s work together to make this place even better!

I am going to pose another question today as well. And the proof that you’ve really read this will be in your comments below. 😉 We all have events in our lives that shape us into who we are today. I want you to take a moment and think about what is one of the events in your life that has shaped you the most and how has it done so? Please share with me and with others. Me and myself want to know, and my avid readers!  Side note: That was a Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire quote! 10 points to the house that can tell me who said it! 😉

I have had a lot of major events in my life that have shaped me into the person I am today. It is hard to say which one has shaped me the most, but I am going to pick one, because otherwise we’d be here all day. 😉 Being a foster kid was definitely an experience I won’t forget. I had been molested as a kid and had to be taken from my home. That in and of itself shaped me quite a bit. I live with PTSD because of it, but I have been learning to not let it define me. But that’s not the experience I want to delve into today. Being a foster kid is something I want to talk to you about today.

I have seen many stories on Facebook lately from foster parents, about the kids they have taken in, and how rewarding it is to help kids in need. Those not in it for the money, but in it to help kids overcome the hands they were dealt, show them love, and give them good lives are truly amazing people. I lived in a few homes and I can testify that there are some truly wonderful people out there, with kind hearts that just want to help kids heal and see them thrive.

For many kids, it’s not an easy adjustment, even if the new situation is better than their old one. To take them from what they know and throw them into something and somewhere new with people they don’t know is hard. Trust is already a hard thing for them to give anyone and now here are new people who claim they only have their best interests at heart.

For me, it was hard. As hard as life was with my mom, I wasn’t sure what to think about being sent to live with people I didn’t know, especially when I’d also have to switch schools too. Everyone was a stranger. It took me awhile to adjust and being labeled a freak for being “in the system” was difficult. “What did you do to get put into foster care?” Really? Most of us didn’t do anything. Many of us were hurt, by those who are supposed to love us the most. But, it was and I am sure still is hard for outsiders to understand. I was told before that it was likely the only way they could react to us because they just didn’t know what to say or how to act. But, to a kid, that doesn’t make us feel any better. It still hurts.

I will say this though, I am grateful to those who took me in, cared for me, and did everything they could to help me move forward. I was shown a lot of patience and kindness in a time when I had known so little before. I was given hope. And now, as an adult, I know that I want to give back, to help others like I was helped. When we’re in a position to give back in that way, we will. My husband supports this as he knows how important it is to me and also wants to help kids who feel lost and alone, give them a chance at a happy childhood and the hope for a bright future.

Well, I said more than I planned on, though that is often the case with me. 😉 I hope you enjoyed reading. Now, if you’d be so kind and leave me some feedback and also share with me a part of yourself, that would so appreciated!!!!!! Let’s keep this community growing closer together!

Yesterday Made You Who You Are Today

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I saw a post on Facebook today that my cousin shared about not regretting your past, no matter how many mistakes you made or what they were. Everything that was done in all of your yesterdays has shaped you into who you are today.

It is easy to put yourself down for mistakes you’ve made and to regret choices made in the past. “If only I hadn’t done….” or “I wish I never would have said….” And sometimes we beat ourselves up even more for things we wished we had said or done, but for reasons of our own, we didn’t.

Something I have learned over the years is, what’s done is done. Beating yourself up over the past doesn’t change anything. And as for things not done, either it wasn’t the right time for those things to happen or maybe they just weren’t meant to happen at all. That is for you to determine. If you still feel that you should go out and do something, don’t make the excuse that your time has passed. If it is something that means a lot to you and it can be accomplished, go for it! If it’s something you know was only for a certain time, then you need to let it go. Either way, find ways to make peace with what was and with what is. And never stop dreaming and working towards what can be.

I used to berate myself over the many bad choices I made, the people I hurt, and the people I trusted that hurt me. I put myself down for the person I was and I held myself back from becoming who I wanted to be. I thought I couldn’t be someone worthy of respect, trust, true friendship, and love. I thought I was destined to mess up and be alone.

Looking back, I am glad I didn’t hold onto those views and that eventually, with a lot of support and love, I overcame the old me. As alone as I thought I was, I realized I had more people beside me than I ever knew. But, it was more than that, I realized there was more to me than my mistakes and my dysfunctional past. I could overcome all of it and be someone I was proud to be. Every mistake, lesson learned the hard way, broken heart, and bad thing that has happened has made me into who I am today. I no longer beat myself up over or regret the paths I took, the things I did that, the people I spent my time with, or what has happened to me.

And, I would use my past to help others learn that they can also overcome theirs and that they too can be what and who they want to be. I feel that we all have untapped potential, can learn and grow all the days of our lives, can inspire as much as we’ve been inspired, can give so much, and be the person we want to be. The past may be written, but the future hasn’t been yet. So, I urge everyone who reads this to take comfort in that and to never give up on themselves. No matter how dark your days were, know that they can get brighter if you allow them to. Don’t let your past define you. Allow your past to make you into who you long to be.

 

Life’s Many Blessings

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I remember when I used to write in my blog daily and sometimes it was even more than once a day. Now, I am lucky if I write in this once or twice a month. It’s not that I have less to say, just less time to say it online. I have become so busy that I just haven’t had the time to really sit down and put my thoughts into writing. Sometimes I feel badly about that. Though, I know I am just out there living my life.

As Thanksgiving draws ever nearer, I am humbled more and more. I have so much to be thankful for. I wanted to take another opportunity to express that. There is a lot I could complain about, but there’s even more I can say thanks for. I think that’s something I should remind myself of more often. When I am having a tough day, I should tell myself how good I have it, and to not sweat the small stuff. It can be oh so easy to get upset over someone cutting me off on the road, someone being rude, something at work not going right, just not getting a good night’s sleep, and so on. Sometimes it’s hard to have the right perspective, but I know it can be done if worked on.

I know I will have rough moments and sometimes, rough days. But, my goal is to get better at appreciating what I have more and complain less. What I have can always be taken away and that’s something we should all remember. Our material possessions, money, and even our loved ones can disappear. Nothing lasts forever, not the good, but not the bad either. So, I need to get through the bad and learn from it, because there’s always something to learn, something to take from things. And, I need to appreciate the good much more. So, here I am today to say how very thankful I am for all the blessings in my life. The way I look at it too, the bad moments are blessings in disguise because so much good has come from it all in the end. For all I have learned, for all I have gone through, for all I have lost, for all I have gained, for who I was, for who I am, and where my life is headed…..I am deeply thankful.

So tell me, what is something your past has taught you? What are you thankful for??

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