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Posts tagged ‘mind’

Within My Mind

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Within my mind, there are many moods, thoughts, feelings, fears, and dreams. It reminds me a bit of the movie, What Dreams May Come starring Robin Williams. Sometimes it’s so beautiful and one can’t help but be entranced with what they find. Melodies and harmonies that pair together like no other and vibrant colors that can light up the night’s sky, truly I could paint you a world that you’d never want to leave. And then there are times when I would barricade you from the entrance.

My mind can be a dark and scary, full of nightmares…combine every horror movie I have ever seen, every dark thought and fear, and you still haven’t a clue how bad of a place it can be. Sometimes it’s an angry place, though sometimes it’s just so full of despair. Don’t wade in the waters too deep. They may seem serene, but notice the chill in the air and the dark clouds that surround you? Don’t be pulled down, the voices inside me warn you. The ever changing winds can carry you from blissfully happy to sickeningly depressed to unhinged anger and then back to that peaceful place so fast you have no idea what just happened.

Overall, these days my life is fairly good and I do count myself as truly blessed. This doesn’t take away the demons that battle within me, but it does make it easier to fight them off. When it gets truly horrific, I go to God in prayer and He does help me. They’re never gone for good, but they can be kept at bay. Living with bi-polar and schizophrenia has not been easy, but with every passing day, it gets easier to deal with.

Over the years, I have been able to replace medication with music: both listening to it and singing it, writing, reading, taking walks, having long talks with those most trusted, prayer, and also a confidence within myself that tells me my illnesses do not own me. I will fight it for as long as I live and I must say this, I really have come a long way from where I was. I remember a day when most of my statuses were depressing. I really couldn’t see just how beautiful my life could be. I wanted a good life, but truth be told, I held it at arms length because I was scared of getting close to anything good. I am not scared anymore. Life isn’t always wonderful, but the journey is amazing.

Thanks to all who stick by me, who ignore the caution tape, and proceed full steam ahead…standing by me, weathering every storm, not just there when all is calm and peaceful. Seriously, thank you. Your friendship, loyalty, and love have been the sails I have needed many times when I wondered how I’d get through. And the most thanks goes to first, my Lord, my Savior for always being there, for always seeing me through, and for giving me such amazing blessings like family and friends like you that read these things. 😉 Also, thanks to my love…he knows that battles within me, and all he does is hold on tight when he needs to….promising to stand by me and his promises have always held true. Thanks to my closest of friends and relatives, both those who struggle the same way that I do, giving me people who can relate and truly help in ways I can’t explain….and those who don’t understand, but it doesn’t matter to them….you love me, you see the good in me, you pray for me, you help me through. For all each of you do, know this…I am thankful and I love you. ❤

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Stuck In Wonderland

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Crazy, chaotic, & stressful

That about summed up my life

I’d often daydream

Imagining myself away from this place

Somewhere fun, without any worries to ruin my day

 

Come with me, fly on a magic carpet

Imagine it and it’ll happen

Animals talk and trees do too

Chase a white rabbit for awhile

Would you care to have tea with me?

 

Stroll with me down a golden path

Make a wish or two

And watch them come true

What’s that you say?

Oh silly me, make that wishes three for thee

 

But too far down the rabbit hole I must have fell this time

The further from reality I stray

Wherever I look, danger seems to follow

The sky gets darker and darker

And an evil queen wants me dead

 

My genie vanished

No ruby slippers that’ll take me home

Someone call my name

Wake me, please

Save me from this place

 

They call it Wonderland

A magical place

But they forgot to mention

Just how twisted magic can be

Turning childhood fantasies into nightmares

 

As stressful as real life can be

I realized then perhaps it’s not so bad after all

Hurry, the queen is chasing me!

And my magic carpet has gone M.I.A.

Wake me now and save the day

 

The white rabbit is shouting something to me

But his voice has become distorted

The wicked witch joined the hunt for my head

I beg of you, please

Save me before I end up dead

 

Oh silly girl, don’t you know?

You’re not asleep at all

Though it is all inside your head

Focus now on reality instead

For what you see is what you get

 

No more Wonderland for me

One more glimpse back

I toss the key into the mist

And walk forward toward the light

For that’s the right way to go

 

Not sideways or upside down

Going backwards is counterproductive

I like to go on an adventure now and then

But sometimes reality is more thrilling

And definitely worth living in

What is sexy?

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I was reading my friend’s blog today and the question she asked us was, “What makes someone sexy?” I replied and she liked my answer, said I needed to share this and so here I am, sharing it with you as requested. 😉

But before I do, I would like you to check out Ionia’s blog. Read what people had to say and maybe give her your own feedback. Also, she does some awesome book reviews and has other amazing topics to discuss as well. 🙂

Now onto what I had to say to her blog….what makes someone sexy in my eyes? Well, let me tell you just that….

 

Oh my goodness, there are so many good responses that I have read. Each has their own definition and well, mine goes along with what some have already said and more.

 

I do agree that upon seeing someone for the first time, initially looks have a lot to do with it. Though, as also stated before, an ugly personality can ruin any amount of good looks. To me, someone who is truly sexy is someone I am attracted to both their physical appearance and their personality. I have met people who I find physically appealing, but upon getting to know them, I can’t stand them. I have also met some people with wonderful personalities that while I do love them and know God finds beauty everywhere, I don’t personally find them sexy. It really is a combination of so many things….

 

I too have been attracted to musicians. If you can play an instrument and/or sing really well, I have been known to draw to them like a moth to a flame. Oddly enough, the man I fell head over heels with and so happy with now is NOT a musician, though he does have an intense love for music. Common interests definitely plays a role in things.

 

Confidence does as well, as long as it doesn’t go from being confident, loving who you are, and sure of yourself to arrogance. One who takes care of themselves and takes pride in their appearance is important, just don’t come across as thinking you’re the greatest there is. ;)

 

Kindness, a sense of sincere compassion towards others is a huge factor for me. Be one who is going to take care of themselves, but also be more than willing to lend a helping hand to someone in need, to be there for their friends, family, and community. A warm heart really does win me over.

 

Being able to speak your mind when needed is huge too, must be able to communicate, but also that ability to be confident in their silence as well is not to be overlooked.

 

As far as looks go, I tend to gravitate towards people with brown hair, striking eyes, and a warm smile. I can also appreciate a man who has nice muscles and lean, but firm figure…..not to be overdone though….just healthy and in shape. I don’t seek bodybuilders and such. ;) I am happy the love of my life takes pride in his appearance and staying in shape. He also motivates me to do the same, another factor I find totally appealing….his genuine care for my health and well-being, as much as he cares about his own.

 

Being able to handle me, deal with my insane family, and keep calm is very big with me too. I am a bit much sometimes, but if you can stay patient, keep calm, and weather everything with me….you have earned some major sexy points. ;)

 

And yes, laughter….being able to smile, laugh, and find the joy in life is a MUST! There are times to be serious, you must be able to take care of things, know when to buckle down, know when not to make a joke of things….but if you’re too tightly laced, it doesn’t matter how gorgeous you first appear….I’ll soon look away. Being able to make me laugh is so important…..lucky to have found someone who knows how to make me laugh, even when my day is so very dark. Never overlook that factor in someone….their ability to make you smile and laugh. ;)

 

There are the lists that tell you who are today’s sexiest people….and some of them certainly make ya go…oh yeah, yum….but, ya wonder…if we were to actually meet them and get to know them….how many would we still say are legitimately sexy? Take away the cameras, make-up, fancy clothes, and strip them down to who they really are….who would we befriend? Who would we find as sexy inside as we do out? I wonder that from time to time….

That concludes what I had to say….for now. 😉 And if you’d like to chime in here as well, feel free. I’d like to know what you find truly sexy in another human being….

 

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