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Posts tagged ‘Identity’

Today You Are You, That Is Truer Than True….

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Dr. Seuss was a brilliant man. One of my most favorite quotes of his is, “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.” He’s so very right. There is no one that is or ever will be more you than you, not even say an identical twin or perhaps even quintuplet. 😉 Don’t strive to be anyone else but you. You were made to be you and not anyone else. And no one can be you, no matter how hard they might try. Don’t try to steal someone else’s light, but don’t you dare let yourself fade into the shadows either! Shine your own bright light across the night’s sky. Know your own worth deep inside. Don’t rely on another to show you who you are. And know how very specially special you were made, unique and wonderful, it’s so very true. So go out there today, tomorrow, and every day after and be the best you that you can be, because there really is no one quite like you.

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I AM ME….ah, BUT, WHO ARE YOU?

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Throughout life, we’re given many labels. I have had and currently have so many that I have lost count. I am known as many things to many people, such as….

I am Russell’s daughter, the daughter of an alcoholic and both town & family outcast. I am Danette’s daughter, the daughter of a mentally troubled woman, with a rough past. I am Mike, Matt, & Brenda’s sister and so much can be said about that. I am a Strahota and a Werth, though neither has even been my last name. I am Zach’s mother, the one both ridiculed and praised for my efforts. I am friend to many, foe to a few, and invisible to others. I am also known as Doug’s girlfriend, other half…the one who cooks, cleans, and tries to keep him organized. 😉 I have worn many hats, some not worn by choice and others I have gladly put upon my head. In the end though, it can be a little daunting. I don’t ever want to be so attached to any one person that I lose my identity. I don’t mind being many things to many people, but at the end of the day, I still want to be known as…me.

I am the girl that wears her heart on her sleeve, cries easily, loves to hug her family and friends, and will tell you without reservation how I feel. I am the one who is stubborn and set in her ways and yet tries to compromise whenever possible, partially because I hate to fight and like peace and also partially because I think it is good to meet in the middle, to both give and take. I am the who can usually be found carrying her camera, pen & paper, and thousands of thoughts in her purse. I am a writer, singer, lousy bowler on our team, dreamer, lover, and the one who will fight for what she believes in and stand up for those she loves. I am the the adviser, the cook, the neat freak, the bi-polar chick, the Harry Potter nut, the Hunger Games enthusiast, the Twilight nerd, the reader, the fast typist, the game teacher, the joker, the church goer and God believer, the cat lover, & the list keeps going.

I am part German, French, Irish, English, Native American, and Bohemian. I am mostly German and can’t drink beer, also I do not like brats or much else that is labeled as traditionally German cuisine. I cling to my Irish heritage, hey my favorite color is even green. 😉 The music is beautiful and how I dream of seeing the beauty of Ireland. I took french in school because I thought it sounded prettier and because of my heritage. I too would love to see France and partake in the food, see the tourist spots, and just gaze upon its ancient history. The English and Native American in me are two I have pride in and yet, they were at war with one another. I think good came from both, but wish they could have co-existed much better than they did. Bohemia no longer exists, but I was told that my grandfather’s family came from there many years ago and when they did, half of the brothers kept the C in Strachota and the others dropped it. Well, my grandfather was raised without the C in his, though I wonder how far back that all was…before he was born, but I am not sure how much before.

I am the curious one who wonders about just about everything. Why is the sky called the sky? Why is it called the color blue and why are colors called colors? What makes the clock tick? Let me take it apart to find out. What would life be like if we didn’t have to eat or sleep to survive? What would the world be like if no one ever sinned? What would it be like if we lived under water and instead couldn’t live on land? Why did my grandfather do the things he did? What was it like for my other grandfather when he was in the Navy? Why did my dad turn to alcohol? Will he ever tell me that he loves me? Why won’t my mom deal with the past? Why is her favorite color purple? Is she proud of me? Why does Doug love me so much? Why did Zach have to inherit my mental health issues? Why do people judge him so harshly? And what about me? Will my son turn out alright? What will become of me? What am I meant to do? Who am I really?

Some of those questions I will never be able to answer and some I know I will find out what I need and want to know. Some I think I can answer now, if I really chose to. The one I don’t really have to question is, who am I because there is no real way to answer that except to say simply this, I am me. There are many truths that can be stated, but none of them fully define me, they but give you pictures for you to view, to help you understand who I am. In the end, it’s just that I am me. I am difficult to handle, but really not so easy to understand, if you but have the patience to try. Do you have the patience and willingness to do so? And are you in turn willing to show me who you are, willing to let me into your gallery to see the many paintings, sculptures, and unfinished works that but only give me a glimpse into your identity? Might I hear your words, your songs, your thoughts, and your dreams? I will gladly share with you, no walls will I put up to hold you back, if you are but willing to let me in as well. I am me, do you want to know just who that is and let me ask, who are you?

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Girl Next Door

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I’m not your typical girl

Or really your typical anything

Yeah sometimes I’m a lot to handle

But definitely worth the difficult times

I’m done apologizing for where I’ve been

And for who I was, because I love who I am

 

Not a beauty queen

Not the trophy girl to show off

I don’t want to wear a plastic smile

So if a fairy tale princess is what you’re looking for

Go on and look next door

 

High heels, sneakers, jeans, & skirts

I can be a tomboy

But sometimes I’m the girly girl

I play my music loud

And sing it even louder

I’m not afraid to show you who I am

 

Not a beauty queen

Not the trophy girl to show off

I don’t want to wear a plastic smile

So if a fairy tale princess is what you’re looking for

Go on and look next door

 

My heart is on my sleeve

I love fiercely with all I have

I tend to be the peacemaker

Hate seeing people fight

But if you attack those I love

I will do what’s right

 

Not a beauty queen

Not the trophy girl to show off

I don’t want to wear a plastic smile

So if a fairy tale princess is what you’re looking for

Go on and look next door

 

Be real or go home

Find your castle in the sky

Ride your pretty unicorn through the clouds

But don’t mind me if I’m here in reality

Living my dream

Just living my dream…..

 

Not a beauty queen

Not the trophy girl to show off

I don’t want to wear a plastic smile

So if a fairy tale princess is what you’re looking for

Go on and look next door

 

Just go on and look next door

‘Cause that’s not the girl I am

Never was, never will be

Never was, never will be….

Who Am I?

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I am many things to many people. Who am I to you? I am a mom to Zachariah. I am a daughter to Danette and Russell, a step-daughter to Cindy. I am a sister to Mike, Matt, & Brenda. I am an aunt to Joey, Ethan, Avery, Dorian, Spencer, & Kaylee. I am a grand-daughter to William & Clara and David & Lorinda. I am a niece to Lyle, Scott, Debbie, Karen, Pam, Cindy, Sandy, Marion, Holly, Lisa, & Georgia. I am a cousin to Chris, Meghann, Halley, Emilee, Scott, Kari, Katie, Sean, Courtney, Stacie, Hannah, Jack, Will, Lyle David, Jim, Bill, Tony, Alan, Theresa, Kristina, & Tamara…that’s just my first cousins. 😉 I am a friend to many. I am God’s child, a Christian, a beacon of light & love. 

I have been a co-worker, a passer-by in the store, the woman driving ahead of you and also behind you as well as next to you, the woman next to you at the bar, the one you see/hear singing karaoke, a teammate on bowling leagues, your competitor, a foe and adversary, the woman next to you at church, a choir member, an actress on stage at school and church, a writer, a photographer, a cook, a nurse to my sick child and others I have baby-sat for, ah yes and a babysitter, a cat owner, a lover, a fighter, a doodler, a giver, a taker, a loaner, a borrower, a thief, a crier, one full of laughter, a thinker, a procrastinator, a motivator, a roommate, a loaner, a party goer, a student, a judge and jury, a forgiver, and that list goes on and on.

I am one who loves even numbers and has an obsession with things being even and symmetrical, yet my favorite numbers are 3, 7, & 11 and not really sure why. I am O.C.D. with cleanliness and organization. I can tell if people have moved my things and some have messed with me with that because they find it funny to do so, I usually am not amused, though have gotten better with it over the years. 😉 I used to HATE the color pink, but I like it now. However, nothing trumps green and deep down, it’s always been that way even though I love many colors. I am known as Rainbow Dark, Rainbow or R.D. for short in the karaoke world because of that and also my tendencies to be random and show up in all black now and then. I love music, most forms of it and the forms I don’t, I find ways to at least appreciate them….like opera, polka (good at weddings lol), most rap, etc. I have Christian Contemporary, country, pop, classical, show tunes, Disney, alternative, rock, metal, ska, punk, E.D.M, and so on in my library. It’s been a lifeline for me for my whole life, as has been my writing. They have both been great outlets for self expression. I love to read, mostly fantasy and perhaps some drama/suspense as well. I do not like horror movies, messes with the Schizophrenia that I have. I LOVE comedies, laughter is wonderful medicine for an angry mindset or someone who is tired of crying. I also love fantasies like Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Chronicles of Narnia, etc. Prayer is HUGE, as is my faith in general. It’s a huge part of me.

I am NOT a morning person, never really have been. I like to cook, when I have people to cook for. I have been experimenting more and more these days. I used the broiler for the first time this year and it turns out I can use it well. I also have been using spices and marinades. 🙂 I like to snuggle under a warm blanket and watch Disney or perhaps read a book till I am tired enough to sleep. I still sleep with stuffed animals and/or the pillow my grandma made me, when my boyfriend isn’t with me. I like a warm bath to relieve tension, but most days I prefer a shower so I can just get in and out. I still color and doodle, it relaxes me. I collect Tinkerbell dolls, many colorful things, butterfly stuff, and still have an obsession with Rainbow Brite. I like to watch N.C.I.S, Criminal Minds, Law & Order, & such to make my mind think. If it weren’t for the gore, I’d love to be a forensics scientist. Though I am more numbers oriented and think I’d be best suited as an accountant. If I’d ever gone for my dream however, I’d be doing Broadway to combine my love for theater and music. I’d love to be in the cast of RENT, Les Miserables, Grease, Oklahoma, and more. I will settle though for just watching and listening to the soundtracks. I wish I had more theater loving friends, eh, but it is what it is! I do also love football, GO GREEN BAY PACKERS! Oh and of course for baseball, GO BREWERS! I have tickets for opening day so that my boyfriend and I can go, it will be a first for us! I used to work at the ballpark, it will be nice to be there just as a fan. 🙂 

I hate onions, but love sour cream and onion dip, the chips are good too. Meat, yes, it is good. I especially like chicken and pork. found out how yummy they are when broiled. 😉 Cheese, it goes on a lot! I like my veggies too: cucumbers, non cooked green and yellow peppers, cauliflower, broccoli, brussel sprouts…when made right, green beans, raw spinach, corn on the cob, peas, and I suppose carrots are alright. I like strawberries, raspberries, peaches….only the fruit itself, not anything peach flavored, nectarines, pears, bananas, oranges, kiwis, black raspberries, grapes, and will tolerate apples. Bread, I usually remember a restaurant for the bread they have. I am not big on rye or the bread that has chunks of stuff in it. Olive Garden has great bread sticks and Red Lobster has great cheddar biscuits. I am not big on seafood, but I eat more than I used to. Hmm. I am hungry now. I did brush my teeth not too long ago though and I should be headed to bed soon.

Throughout my ramblings, I don’t know what you have learned, but I hope I did entertain you for a moment or two. Dream big, just remember to go for them when you wake. Love without letting fear hold you back. Sing, dance, write, be you always, LIVE! It’s never easy to find balance, but try in all aspects of your life. Do grow up enough to take care of what you need to, but never fully grow up, keep a part of your youth alive. Make mistakes, get back up, and push forward. Celebrate your triumphs and learn from your failures. Don’t be naive and be a doormat, but do let people in. Give more than you take, but don’t be afraid to accept offerings of kindness. Love more than you hate. Hate and anger consume. Forgive, not for the sake of the other, but for your own so that you may be free. Preaching about karma means you still dwell upon it, let go and let God. Don’t miss an opportunity to tell your kids you love them, that you’re proud of them. Be a friend and let people be one to you. Be good to yourself, no matter how hard it is to do. Believe in you! It took me a long time to believe in me, but now that I do, it feels great! 

Who am I? That is where I started this. I end this by saying, through all that I am to many people, at the end of the day, I am me. I am Carissa. Make of that what you will! I am finally heading to bed because I have finally grown tired enough to sleep. Good night and God bless!

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