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Posts tagged ‘hope’

Mental Health Awareness – Speaking Up.

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May is National Mental Health Awareness month. This is something that speaks to my soul very strongly because I struggle with mental health illnesses and so do many of my friends and family members. I, myself, have anxiety disorder, PTSD, bi-polar – type one, and OCD.

Growing up, I didn’t know what was going on inside my head. I thought something was wrong with me. I must be broken, defective. My moods changed without warning. My thoughts raced and I couldn’t get them to slow down. The littlest thing could set me off. I would cry and not always know why. I’d be extra motivated one day and then not at all the next. I was overly anxious and paranoid. I’d feel physically ill when things became too much to handle. No one understood, most especially myself. (I’m still dealing with these things, but I’m informed now and have the support system that makes dealing with all of this easier.)

On top of that, I was molested and physically abused by my mom’s ex, mentally abused and neglected by my father, and my mom retreated into herself, not knowing what to do or how to react, how to help me, especially when she needed help herself. I was placed into a foster home and went to a few and a group home within the span of a few years. I was hit on by one of my foster brothers in one of the homes to the point I ran away. Things weren’t great.

I wanted to die several times between my pre-teen years and even into my 30’s. I wrote notes, made preparations to leave those I loved, and kept it all to myself. Only those who knew me real well even had a glimpse of how much I struggled and even many who thought they knew me, they didn’t realize how much I was hurting. I either come off as really happy go lucky and people have no clue that I hurt at all or I’m the overly dramatic one, just seeking attention. I can be both and sometimes something entirely different.

Growing up, my issues and I were either ignored, treated like something to be shunned, or like everything was just some way of being noticed. Mental health illnesses and abuse are no laughing matter. They are also not things to be ignored or made light of.

I will always speak out about mental health illnesses, suicide prevention, and abuse. I didn’t always have support and in those times is when things were at their worst. Having that support now makes a huge difference. So, I want to reach out and tell all reading this, if you struggle, you don’t have to go through any of this alone.

There are 24 hour hotlines, shelters, and other resources. Also, I’m here to listen, if you feel comfortable coming to me. You do not have to deal with this alone. No one can live your life for you, but there are people out there who can be by your side as you try to push forward, heal, and get help.

If you see any warning signs, if you even suspect someone you know is hurting, please reach out. We may not always ask for help. Be the light for those who may feel lost in the dark and have forgotten there’s still hope…

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A World in Chaos

World-Chaos

As we seek to destroy one another and ourselves, I weep

Surely we are not picky about the company we keep

Hatred, greed, and jealousy continues to grow in minds throughout

But it’s love, patience, and peace we need to nurture, of that there’s no doubt

Dream Big

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Little girl, asleep in your swing

After a rousing go of tummy time

And a nice filling meal

You look so at peace with the world

 

You know nothing about its troubles

You don’t hate, criticize, or judge

No barriers separate you from love

I wish that was the world I could give you forever

 

Beautiful dreamer, I watch you with adoration

I can’t keep you from all harm

But I can teach you how to love

And to take care of yourself

 

May all who know you teach you well

From spelling to math and art also

May you have the passion to learn

All the days of your life

 

And I pray you grow up to be all you dream of being

Dream big and fight hard for them

But never stepping on others to achieve those aspirations

Knowing the value of hard work, but also a kind and humble heart

 

Whatever you grow up to be

Know I’ll always love and believe in you

I see you all grown up for just a moment

But then, I look again and see my sleeping baby girl

 

My words are still the same

Dream big, baby girl

Even if it might be about cuddles and songs

Just be the you that you’re meant to be all day long

 

The Not So Little Girl That Can & Will

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It’s easy to complain about something, but not always so to change things. Sometimes the motivation we need is buried underneath doubt and fear.

I’ve been overweight for a few years now and I’ve sure done a lot of complaining about it, but not nearly enough to change things. I’ve just finally gotten so uncomfortable in my comfort zone that I’m really trying to turn things around.

I’m tired of being jealous of my friend’s and family members’ weight loss progress, angry at myself for not taking better care of me, not liking what I see in the mirror, not being able to do active things without getting winded so easily, and just, well, being tired. And, I’m tired, too, of just complaining about all of this.

It’s time for change. My husband and I have been putting our daughter in her stroller and going for walks a fair amount of evenings since my daughter was a couple of weeks old, but I knew I needed to step that up a bit.

So, we’ve increased the number of evenings we go walking, for starters. I started working out on my own at home and during that, I’ve had my two month old getting her tummy time in. I have started slow, so as to not overdo it. Today, I changed things up and my workout consisted of strapping my daughter to my chest in her rider and walking 2.5 miles. It sure feels different walking with 10.10 pounds attached to you than it does without!

I’ve also been cutting my portions down while eating and trying to eat healthier as well. I know that losing this weight is going to take exercise and eating better, so I’m trying to do both.

Be patient they say, yes, I know they’re right. Losing the 80 pounds, as of my last doctor appointment – three weeks ago, is going to take time. I want to do this right, the healthy way.

Like the Little Engine that Could, I think I Can!” I’ve tried and failed before, but rest assured that I’m not quitting. I refuse to give up. I have too much to live for. So let’s do this!

Any motivational tactics, tips, or advice anyone is willing to offer is welcome! ♡

 

Life is one heck of an addiction

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When you think of addictions, it’s easy to turn your mind to drugs and alcohol. They’re definitely abused by many around the world. But, there’s so much more out there that consumes us, that we find hard to let go of, that we choose to let control us. It’s a choice we willingly make every day. What will be more important to us today and what will we do to hold onto it?

Sex, gambling, cults, wars, and other things can be addictive too. They can consume you and lead you to dark times. Ah and let’s not forget about caffeine! Many are addicted to that and don’t realize it, that is until and unless they don’t have it. Then you end up with migraines and not feeling so hot. If your body is used to it and you suddenly take it away, your body revolts. It’s one of the more innocent ones, but it’s still an addiction if you just have to have it. But, it’s all your choice. When people say that they don’t have a choice, they’re making excuses to hold onto their vices. It’s not easy to quit, to walk away, or to get help. In fact, it’s really hard, seemingly impossible. But, it’s always possible to get help, to find your way out of its grasp on you.

There are other addictions that many don’t even think of as such. Some of these are, but are not limited to, your career or relationships. How many times has someone said, “My career cost me my marriage or my relationship with my kids” or “When I was dating so and so, I lost my friends.”? Your career didn’t end your marriage, you did. You chose it over your marriage. Your relationship didn’t end your friendships, you chose your partner over them.

Addictions aren’t always easy to recognize. Sometimes they’re hidden in plain sight and are a part of our every day lives that seem commonplace. But, if something or someone becomes more important to us than everything else and we become so fixated that other things and people take a backseat in our lives, then there’s a problem.

I’ve struggled with addiction myself and I didn’t see it until way later. Part of that was because it wasn’t something many associate with addiction. It was hard to admit and own up to. Shame took hold and then anger, mostly at myself, but that I took out on others. Every single day I wake, I fight to keep a clear head, to keep my priorities straight. We all do, it’s just an easier battle for some than others. Life can be one heck of an addiction. So, what’s important to you today and what will you do to hold onto it?

Yesterday Made You Who You Are Today

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I saw a post on Facebook today that my cousin shared about not regretting your past, no matter how many mistakes you made or what they were. Everything that was done in all of your yesterdays has shaped you into who you are today.

It is easy to put yourself down for mistakes you’ve made and to regret choices made in the past. “If only I hadn’t done….” or “I wish I never would have said….” And sometimes we beat ourselves up even more for things we wished we had said or done, but for reasons of our own, we didn’t.

Something I have learned over the years is, what’s done is done. Beating yourself up over the past doesn’t change anything. And as for things not done, either it wasn’t the right time for those things to happen or maybe they just weren’t meant to happen at all. That is for you to determine. If you still feel that you should go out and do something, don’t make the excuse that your time has passed. If it is something that means a lot to you and it can be accomplished, go for it! If it’s something you know was only for a certain time, then you need to let it go. Either way, find ways to make peace with what was and with what is. And never stop dreaming and working towards what can be.

I used to berate myself over the many bad choices I made, the people I hurt, and the people I trusted that hurt me. I put myself down for the person I was and I held myself back from becoming who I wanted to be. I thought I couldn’t be someone worthy of respect, trust, true friendship, and love. I thought I was destined to mess up and be alone.

Looking back, I am glad I didn’t hold onto those views and that eventually, with a lot of support and love, I overcame the old me. As alone as I thought I was, I realized I had more people beside me than I ever knew. But, it was more than that, I realized there was more to me than my mistakes and my dysfunctional past. I could overcome all of it and be someone I was proud to be. Every mistake, lesson learned the hard way, broken heart, and bad thing that has happened has made me into who I am today. I no longer beat myself up over or regret the paths I took, the things I did that, the people I spent my time with, or what has happened to me.

And, I would use my past to help others learn that they can also overcome theirs and that they too can be what and who they want to be. I feel that we all have untapped potential, can learn and grow all the days of our lives, can inspire as much as we’ve been inspired, can give so much, and be the person we want to be. The past may be written, but the future hasn’t been yet. So, I urge everyone who reads this to take comfort in that and to never give up on themselves. No matter how dark your days were, know that they can get brighter if you allow them to. Don’t let your past define you. Allow your past to make you into who you long to be.

 

Life: Live It

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When the rain falls, don’t hide yourself away

Learn how to dance your way through the storms

And when the sun is shining brightly upon you

Don’t take a single minute of that for granted

 

Life is a series of ups and downs

A crazy roller coaster ride of emotions

There are lessons to learn

And memories to be made

 

Your heart will be broken

And you might break a few yourself

You’ll know loss and pain

Disappointment and strife visits us all

 

And while there are times it seems easier to give up

In the end, it’s always worth it to find your way through

Even though it may not seem that way at the time

The dark times don’t last forever

 

Though neither do the good ones

So when they’re upon you

Remember to appreciate each moment

Cherish every laugh, smile, kind word, and embrace

 

Love boldly with every fiber of your soul

Don’t let loss or fear of rejection hold you back

Feel every single emotion unashamedly 

Embrace change, take risks, and always be true to yourself

 

We were born to be an individual work of art

Original, truly one of a kind

Don’t blend in just to gain acceptance 

Or even just to go unnoticed

 

Life isn’t always easy

And we don’t always understand why

Or how things happen the way that they do

But it’s all worth it in the end

 

Having faced lots of loss and pain myself

I have come to realize that life is short

Quite fleeting and fickle

Taking us from this world many times without notice

 

And I have decided that I want my life to mean something

For however long I am to walk this earth

I want to have touched people’s hearts

To love those around me with all I have each day

 

For without love, what is there really?

I know that is why I am here

To be a friend, to help, to give, to heal

That is what I will leave behind, a great legacy of love

 

(And I encourage you to do the same.)

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