4 out of 5 dentists recommend this WordPress.com site

Posts tagged ‘hope’

Putting Thoughts Into Words

IMG_8059

Ever since this whole quarantine situation began, so many around me have been struggling. For many, it’s a financial thing. So many people have outright lost their jobs or have been laid off with an unknown return date. Even my husband is now facing a possible layoff situation. When you struggle just to provide the necessities for your family and there’s nothing you can do to change the situation, you find yourself freaking out. How can I feed my family?? How can I make sure that we will survive this???

For others, it’s struggling to deal with a lack of social interaction. Many thrive on being around others. Some, like me, can only handle so much isolation. Sometimes, one handles their mental health illnesses by going out and surrounding themselves among friends and family. Whether it’s going to bars to dance, sing, play pool, shoot darts, play bags, or just chat with friends, scouting out places to experience new things, going to concerts, checking out the newest movies, bowling league or just because, or often planning and hosting events for family/friends, it’s an escape from one’s own mind. Now that we are stuck at home, we can’t help but retreat into our own heads and that is a scary reality we can’t run away from.

Because of the ban on gatherings, many have had to cancel or postpone their weddings, kid’s birthday parties, baby showers, and more. After all of that time spent planning and preparing and money spent, it ends up being for naught. Flights canceled, deposits not returned, being left with a bunch of décor and such that can’t be used, and plans being canceled have left many heartbroken. Many are even unable to attend funerals for people they love and want to say goodbye to. While many of these things can be rescheduled, this means more money spent and competing with many others for venues and other vendors as many will have to reschedule at once.

There are some who still have to work and while in some ways, that is a good thing, it’s also a stressful too. They’re among others who could get them sick and if you have a weakened immune system, that is even riskier. Some who are immunocompromised are working from home, but not all. Think about the long hours too. There are professions that don’t get sent home to work or get told they’re laid off. Many are needed to make sure we don’t completely fall apart during this time.

Truckers are still on the road, as we need them to deliver goods so that our families can survive. The military still is out there looking after country.  Cops and firefighters are out protecting us from harm. The electric companies, water companies, cable companies, phone companies, etc are up and running. Grocery stores still need to stay open. Many restaurants have closed, but some are still open for delivery and take out options. The postal workers are still bringing us our mail. Medical professionals are needed to treat the sick and injured, transport those unable to get help on their own, greet the patients, do x-rays, and more. The list goes on. To keep this country running, there are a lot of people out working their tails off, subjecting themselves to countless germs.

The kids being off school has forced many to stay home from work. That goes with the first paragraph, creating financial issues. We may be getting assistance, but it’ll take time for that to go through and arrive. Now, add in you’re stuck at home with your kids, trying to home school them and many don’t have experience in this. The social interaction for your kids has ended. They can’t spend time with their friends. While it is easier for many adults to grasp the situation, many kids don’t understand and that is hard. Watching your kids struggle with this hurts. We would love to let them go play with their friends, but we can’t. Now many families are secluded with one another day in and day out, creating tension and more stress.

No matter what one’s situation is, I don’t think anyone has it easy. These points and more, we’re all struggling somehow and some are struggling on several fronts. Some are coming together to help where they can and that is great to see. It’s nice to know that some are looking out for their families, friends, and neighbors. It is also saddening to see that others have revealed their selfish and cruel natures as people are getting into fights over supplies. The need to provide for their families while we’re shut in has driven people to desperate measures. Some are simply trying to get through the week and others are hoarding enough to last for months. This whole mess has created mass hysteria. Panic buying is making it hard for others. Stores are trying to keep up with our needs, which has the truckers making more runs. I can only kind of fathom what stress this whole thing is causing others.

For me personally, I am struggling in ways I am trying to find words for. Writing has been an outlet for me since grade school. I need to put these thoughts into words which strung together, shall become sentences that hopefully convey how I feel. On one hand, my soul aches for everyone around me, especially those I am closest to that I know are struggling. I loathe that people I love are hurting. From being laid off at work to losing everything in a fire on top of everything else going on, many I love are in tough situations that I can’t fix. Anyone who knows me knows that other’s pain isn’t something I handle well within myself. Sometimes I take that pain and use it to help them, but even when I find ways to help the people I love, that pain and heartache still haunts me. Add in that I am struggling personally, I am a mess. So much pain, sorrow, grief, heartache, confusion, anger, stress…..

I run a small photography business. Due to a situation out of my control, my business account has over drafted. We don’t have the money within our personal finances to fix that. So, the longer I am without business, the worse shape my account gets in. I am so stressed right now. I had a couple that was going to sign me for their wedding, but due to the bride being laid off, they have to put planning their wedding on hold. Being me, I am dealing with conflicting emotions about it. On one hand, I feel so bad for them. My hubby and I talked about how I would handle it if I was the bride in this situation. Knowing me, I would be a wreck. I can imagine how she feels and I don’t like it one bit. I wish I could make it better for her. On the flip side, I am stressed because I needed that money to set things right with my account. I have never been in this position in all the time I have been running my business. I am, as Peg from Peg & Cat says, TOTALLY FREAKING OUT!!!

On top of that, I feel for my hubby. He is our main provider and if he gets laid off, even on a rotating schedule, it will hurt us significantly. He’s feeling the stress big time. We were already struggling, but now we’re hurting even more. He was driving Uber on the side, but now he’s stopped that so as not to be at more risk for getting sick. Part of that is, he knows if I get it, I will be in bad shape due to my weakened immune system and also because we have kids to consider. They are already stuck at home, don’t want them to get sick on top of this isolation business. Speaking of, this isolation business is not good for me at all. I am one who thrives on being able to see friends and family. I love hosting play dates, going to parks and the zoo with my daughter, making plans with friends, spending time with family, and just having the freedom to be out and about without worrying about ending up in the hospital.

I used to go out a lot when I was younger. It was one way I managed my bi-polar, though I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing until much later. I went out to escape my thoughts, to not be alone, and to fight my inner demons. The going out phase lessened over the years, especially to bars and clubs. Part of that was due to life changing and part of that was just me changing along with it. But even when you couldn’t find me out and about nearly every weekend and even on some weeknights, singing karaoke, dancing, and talking it up with friends, I still went out on occasion. When I got together with my now husband, we did go out a lot at first. Over time, that started to change. At least as far as bars went anyway, we didn’t go out much after a couple of years.

We do like to go out on date nights still, but not so frequently and when we do go out, it’s not been to bars. We go out to dinner, bowling, challenge our minds at an escape room, get some ice cream, go see a movie, check out a band we like, etc. (we haven’t been to bars in a quite awhile. I won’t say we’ll never go to one again, but it will remain a rare occurrence. It’s just not our scene anymore.) Sometimes we’ll get away for a weekend to go camping, explore a city, see family, etc. I also like to go see friends sometimes. There’s me trying to host bonfires, cookouts, game nights, and dinner parties too. All of that is now put on hold. I loathe it, deeply. Being confined is harder for me than I can properly explain.

Last night, my daughter looked me with her big brown eyes and said, “Friends come over to play???” My heart cracked and broke. I tried explaining to my three year old why that isn’t possible and she didn’t understand. That is one of the hardest parts about all of this. She doesn’t get why we can’t have people over, why we can’t go to the zoo or the park, etc. I try to make things fun for her, but it only does so much. She wants to play with her friends. Oh sweet girl, I know, I feel that way too. We may have to cancel her birthday party for next month and that hurts me more than I can say. In time, she will likely forget all of that, but I won’t. I wanted to make her day special. I hope this is over by then. If not, we will still do what we can to make it special for her. (a party of four and maybe see about creating a video chat for people to attend or ask people to record birthday messages.) I want her to enjoy turning four. We will do what we can no matter what the situation is.

I hope this is all over soon. I hope that this isolation ends up being worth it, keeping many safe and lessening the spread of it for those who do get it, so that the hospitals and clinics can keep up with this. I also hope that when it’s time to get back to normal, whatever normal even is really, that we’ll be able to recover and have an easy transition into our lives as they were before this hit.

I also hope that during this seclusion that we will find ways to get closer to our families. May we use this time to get to know one another in new ways, find out things we didn’t know and learn to appreciate one another more. Since we can’t change the situation at hand, we should make the best of it. That is much easier said than done. Personally, I am struggling with that, but I am trying and that’s all any of us can do. I will use this time to do what I don’t usually have time for, like this. I used to write a lot. That’s slowed down the last few years. Singing, writing, taking pictures just for me, scrapbooking, cooking new recipes, and much more are on my list of things to do or do more of. It seems like a good time to let my creativity blossom once more.

I am praying for the world, our nation, the state of Wisconsin, Washington County, our community here in West Bend, my family and friends, my kiddos and hubby, and even myself. I pray that we will, overall, come together and see that the best way to face and get through this is to stick together. Even when we can’t see one another in person, there are still ways to stay connected and ways to help one another out. I am working on getting care coolers together to give to truckers who are struggling with getting something to eat and have gathered things together from people in my awesome community to help my friends that lost stuff in a fire. Porch drop offs, being diligent about hygiene, etc all go a long way and make it so we can help others still. The world has shut down a lot, but we’re still finding ways to keep going. I hope you’re doing well and if not, I pray that things get better for you soon. Don’t forget to take care of you, you matter and please remember to also look after those around you however you can. Together, I am hoping we will make it through this!!

Wings

 

Lying in a pool of sweat and poor decisions

Feeling weak and afraid

With years of addiction weighted on her

She lifts her weary head, trying to find the light

 

A heart once made of gold

Had turned to stone over the years

As the granite begins to crack

Sorrow and anguish pour out in a steady stream

 

Crying silent tears, she whispers softly

“Please, help me.”

Pain turned her towards temptation

Temptation that promised to ease her suffering

 

That suffering did lessen for a time

She even found herself feeling happy

But that was only an illusion

Once it faded, the pain was even worse than before

 

It crippled her, a little at a time

She didn’t even notice until she was so far gone

Ashamed, she withdrew from the world

Until she was all alone, feeling helpless and powerless

 

As her longing for change grew, a spark ignited and grew within

The darkness that surrounded her didn’t seem as confining

Within it, she found some strength to stand

A light started to shine in from the East

 

She turned her gaze towards it and could feel its warmth

Slowly, she moved in its direction

Talking within her own mind along the way

Hoping and praying for a new beginning

 

“Please help me.”

She said again, but louder this time

A sense of peace began to fill her soul

The chains fell from her like heavy weights

 

Wings that had been pinned down for so long emerged

Bent and unsteady still from years of damage

They fluttered with uncertainty, rather irregularly for awhile

It was going to take time for healing, but the process had begun

 

As she opened up about her past

Letting down her guard and letting herself begin to trust

Making amends also to those she’d hurt along the way

Her wings gained strength and her aura glowed with such radiance

 

One day, as she sat on a lush green patch of grass

She saw a purple butterfly nearby

Silently, she watched it flutter to and fro

Admiring its beauty and confidence

 

It landed on her bare feet and seemed to look at her

Staying as still as possible, she basked in this great gift

A sense of calm filled her soul as it stood upon her foot

She tilted her head ever so slightly, her dark brown hair caressed her cheek

 

The clouds parted and the sun shone through

The butterfly flew away towards the East

Turning her head towards the path it took

She saw a little church across the way

 

She stood, as she felt this strong urge to draw nearer to it

Hesitantly, she made her way inside

At the back of the sanctuary, she sat quietly

Bowing her head, she spoke silently

 

“I’ve made a mess of things and I blamed others for so long…

Including You, feeling abandoned

Now I see You never left me

It was me who left You…”

 

Tears touched her olive cheeks

Letting them fall, she apologized and asked for guidance

Though she’d begun to heal and move forward

She still had a long way to go

 

After awhile, she stood up to go

Drying her face with her sleeve

She looked back briefly and smiled

I’ll be back, she thought with resolve

 

As the sun hit her face once more

Her wings expanded and this time fluttered with more certainty

Through Him, she found strength within

Strength that gave her the courage to move forward

 

Her story doesn’t end here

In fact, it’s just beginning

She’s found the path towards redemption, peace, and belonging

Proving that even in the darkest hour, it wasn’t too late

 

She knows she’ll fall along the way

But knows who is there to catch her when she does

As the sun begins to set, emitting gorgeous hues of purple, red, and orange

Her wings lift her up and she soars off into the sky, finally able to fly.

 

 

Mental Health Awareness – Speaking Up.

FB_IMG_1557364072362

May is National Mental Health Awareness month. This is something that speaks to my soul very strongly because I struggle with mental health illnesses and so do many of my friends and family members. I, myself, have anxiety disorder, PTSD, bi-polar – type one, and OCD.

Growing up, I didn’t know what was going on inside my head. I thought something was wrong with me. I must be broken, defective. My moods changed without warning. My thoughts raced and I couldn’t get them to slow down. The littlest thing could set me off. I would cry and not always know why. I’d be extra motivated one day and then not at all the next. I was overly anxious and paranoid. I’d feel physically ill when things became too much to handle. No one understood, most especially myself. (I’m still dealing with these things, but I’m informed now and have the support system that makes dealing with all of this easier.)

On top of that, I was molested and physically abused by my mom’s ex, mentally abused and neglected by my father, and my mom retreated into herself, not knowing what to do or how to react, how to help me, especially when she needed help herself. I was placed into a foster home and went to a few and a group home within the span of a few years. I was hit on by one of my foster brothers in one of the homes to the point I ran away. Things weren’t great.

I wanted to die several times between my pre-teen years and even into my 30’s. I wrote notes, made preparations to leave those I loved, and kept it all to myself. Only those who knew me real well even had a glimpse of how much I struggled and even many who thought they knew me, they didn’t realize how much I was hurting. I either come off as really happy go lucky and people have no clue that I hurt at all or I’m the overly dramatic one, just seeking attention. I can be both and sometimes something entirely different.

Growing up, my issues and I were either ignored, treated like something to be shunned, or like everything was just some way of being noticed. Mental health illnesses and abuse are no laughing matter. They are also not things to be ignored or made light of.

I will always speak out about mental health illnesses, suicide prevention, and abuse. I didn’t always have support and in those times is when things were at their worst. Having that support now makes a huge difference. So, I want to reach out and tell all reading this, if you struggle, you don’t have to go through any of this alone.

There are 24 hour hotlines, shelters, and other resources. Also, I’m here to listen, if you feel comfortable coming to me. You do not have to deal with this alone. No one can live your life for you, but there are people out there who can be by your side as you try to push forward, heal, and get help.

If you see any warning signs, if you even suspect someone you know is hurting, please reach out. We may not always ask for help. Be the light for those who may feel lost in the dark and have forgotten there’s still hope…

A World in Chaos

World-Chaos

As we seek to destroy one another and ourselves, I weep

Surely we are not picky about the company we keep

Hatred, greed, and jealousy continues to grow in minds throughout

But it’s love, patience, and peace we need to nurture, of that there’s no doubt

Dream Big

1720611091-baby-girl-quotes-dream-big-15

Little girl, asleep in your swing

After a rousing go of tummy time

And a nice filling meal

You look so at peace with the world

 

You know nothing about its troubles

You don’t hate, criticize, or judge

No barriers separate you from love

I wish that was the world I could give you forever

 

Beautiful dreamer, I watch you with adoration

I can’t keep you from all harm

But I can teach you how to love

And to take care of yourself

 

May all who know you teach you well

From spelling to math and art also

May you have the passion to learn

All the days of your life

 

And I pray you grow up to be all you dream of being

Dream big and fight hard for them

But never stepping on others to achieve those aspirations

Knowing the value of hard work, but also a kind and humble heart

 

Whatever you grow up to be

Know I’ll always love and believe in you

I see you all grown up for just a moment

But then, I look again and see my sleeping baby girl

 

My words are still the same

Dream big, baby girl

Even if it might be about cuddles and songs

Just be the you that you’re meant to be all day long

 

The Not So Little Girl That Can & Will

89ac70b7bb8ac35766e8694f14047b21

It’s easy to complain about something, but not always so to change things. Sometimes the motivation we need is buried underneath doubt and fear.

I’ve been overweight for a few years now and I’ve sure done a lot of complaining about it, but not nearly enough to change things. I’ve just finally gotten so uncomfortable in my comfort zone that I’m really trying to turn things around.

I’m tired of being jealous of my friend’s and family members’ weight loss progress, angry at myself for not taking better care of me, not liking what I see in the mirror, not being able to do active things without getting winded so easily, and just, well, being tired. And, I’m tired, too, of just complaining about all of this.

It’s time for change. My husband and I have been putting our daughter in her stroller and going for walks a fair amount of evenings since my daughter was a couple of weeks old, but I knew I needed to step that up a bit.

So, we’ve increased the number of evenings we go walking, for starters. I started working out on my own at home and during that, I’ve had my two month old getting her tummy time in. I have started slow, so as to not overdo it. Today, I changed things up and my workout consisted of strapping my daughter to my chest in her rider and walking 2.5 miles. It sure feels different walking with 10.10 pounds attached to you than it does without!

I’ve also been cutting my portions down while eating and trying to eat healthier as well. I know that losing this weight is going to take exercise and eating better, so I’m trying to do both.

Be patient they say, yes, I know they’re right. Losing the 80 pounds, as of my last doctor appointment – three weeks ago, is going to take time. I want to do this right, the healthy way.

Like the Little Engine that Could, I think I Can!” I’ve tried and failed before, but rest assured that I’m not quitting. I refuse to give up. I have too much to live for. So let’s do this!

Any motivational tactics, tips, or advice anyone is willing to offer is welcome! ♡

 

Life is one heck of an addiction

cf4461755e97992cd013795e125d0493

When you think of addictions, it’s easy to turn your mind to drugs and alcohol. They’re definitely abused by many around the world. But, there’s so much more out there that consumes us, that we find hard to let go of, that we choose to let control us. It’s a choice we willingly make every day. What will be more important to us today and what will we do to hold onto it?

Sex, gambling, cults, wars, and other things can be addictive too. They can consume you and lead you to dark times. Ah and let’s not forget about caffeine! Many are addicted to that and don’t realize it, that is until and unless they don’t have it. Then you end up with migraines and not feeling so hot. If your body is used to it and you suddenly take it away, your body revolts. It’s one of the more innocent ones, but it’s still an addiction if you just have to have it. But, it’s all your choice. When people say that they don’t have a choice, they’re making excuses to hold onto their vices. It’s not easy to quit, to walk away, or to get help. In fact, it’s really hard, seemingly impossible. But, it’s always possible to get help, to find your way out of its grasp on you.

There are other addictions that many don’t even think of as such. Some of these are, but are not limited to, your career or relationships. How many times has someone said, “My career cost me my marriage or my relationship with my kids” or “When I was dating so and so, I lost my friends.”? Your career didn’t end your marriage, you did. You chose it over your marriage. Your relationship didn’t end your friendships, you chose your partner over them.

Addictions aren’t always easy to recognize. Sometimes they’re hidden in plain sight and are a part of our every day lives that seem commonplace. But, if something or someone becomes more important to us than everything else and we become so fixated that other things and people take a backseat in our lives, then there’s a problem.

I’ve struggled with addiction myself and I didn’t see it until way later. Part of that was because it wasn’t something many associate with addiction. It was hard to admit and own up to. Shame took hold and then anger, mostly at myself, but that I took out on others. Every single day I wake, I fight to keep a clear head, to keep my priorities straight. We all do, it’s just an easier battle for some than others. Life can be one heck of an addiction. So, what’s important to you today and what will you do to hold onto it?

Author Joanne Reed

This is Your Quest - Your Mission to Find Happiness

MANAGING YOURSELF

"Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it." ~ Kahil Gibran.

Inner Peace

True wealth is the wealth of the soul

Improve Life

We are ready to solve your problems. [free]

the !n(tro)verted yogi

a topsy-turvy life of quietude

Jalvis Quotes

Poems, Literature, Articles, Musings & Quotes Collection - By Vishal Dutia

Life & Style

Stories, ideas, reviews

life at the moment

Random self talk

Lifenvi

Live life in a livable environment.

Space Time Bae

Somewhere in the cosmos

WORLD OF WORDS

An Amateur Poet's World

Poetry collection

Work by Rain Alchemist

Rain Coast Review

Thoughts on my life... by Donald B. Wilson

Perception

feelings, thoughts and dilemmas

a Canadian In Brazil

Travel Tips for Canadians interested in Brazil

Breathing Words

Where Words Breathe

Rocky

Star

The Fragrance Writer

An Original Blend of Fragrance and Poetry

Nature Poetry by Jamie Whorton

Nature poetry, photography, and other poetry

Freedomistheluxuryiseek

I Write to express my inner world💎☯️

Amazing Story Amazing Life

This site is about my view of life, my journey and experiences.

tinytotspoetry

I AIM TO PLEASE THE YOUNG AND YOUNG AT HEART WITH POEMS DESIGNED FOR KIDS. READ ALONG WITH YOUR SMALL TOTS FOR FUN.. LET'S MAKE RHYMING FUN AND EXCITING!!!

Poetry Prayer Peace

Do you know how much I love you? More than all the stars in the sky.

Parties & Events

Stories, ideas, reviews

WordPress Tutorials

WordPress Tutorials

✞♫♪ untamedpraise ♪♫ ✞

Psalm 139: 23-24 Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!

The Self-Talk Show

Your most important show!

Maybe Crazy Help

A Lifestyle Blog With Self-Help Advice

Organic Tree Nutrition

You are what you absorb

In Dianes Kitchen

Recipes showing step by step directions with pictures and gadget reviews

Emma Ortega Negrete

YOUR EMPOWERMENT COACH TRANSFORMING YOU TO YOUR AUTHENTIC HIGHEST SELF!

FARAH PINKLADY

Beauty & Lifestyle Blogger

SHOPPINGFIX

My Vanity and Closet

River of Word Flow

Rhymes and Reasons

%d bloggers like this: