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Posts tagged ‘Change’

Healthy mind, healthy body

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Some know this and some do not, that a healthy mind and a healthy body go hand in hand. It’s important to take care of yourself, in every way.

A month ago, I joined the Optavia program to better myself, mostly my physical self. What I’ve come to realize is, my mental health is just as important and when you work on them both, they effect each other.

Today, I began a four week challenge within the healthy habits group I’m in, that’s a part of the Optavia program. It’s a weight loss challenge, but it’s more about us as individuals, not for us to compete against one another. This isn’t The Biggest Loser, no one is getting voted off if they have a rough week.

One thing we’re supposed to do is work on a healthy goal each week. This week, mine is to focus on my mental health. I have struggled with mental health issues since childhood. I’ve learned to manage them much better over the years, but they still get the best of me some days. As of late, I’ve been more irritable. The mania has kicked in and I’ve been so short tempered and over stupid stuff.

My grandma just died, a week ago, so I’m sure that has a lot to do with it. Losing her is the hardest death I’ve had to deal with. I’ve lost family and friends over the years, but no one was super close to me, except one friend, who died nearly two years ago. I still have a hard time with that sometimes, more lately for some reason and now my grandma is gone.

She was not just “Grandma” to me, she was a second mom, a friend at times, and someone I could count on when I felt alone, when I had no where else to go, when I needed help with bills or needed a sitter for my son, or just needed to talk. She has done more for me than anyone else. As I write this, my heart aches. I feel the grief tearing at the scar tissue, ready to burst open to painful wounds.

I feel grief, sadness, and like a part of me is missing. Grief is the unfortunate price of love. I’m glad, in a way, to feel this pain. It means that the love we shared was real, that the connection we had was strong. But, oh, is it ever gut wrenching and sometimes outright debilitating.

Next comes the guilt I feel, over not being there enough the past few years. She did so much for me. When she needed someone to look after her, but wouldn’t admit it, I stepped in.

I took care of her on my own for over a year. It got increasingly difficult and eventually, I left and let my uncle step in. I feel awful. I made sure her home was clean, her meds were taken at the proper time, fought with her to shower and use her walker, paid her bills, ran her errands, did her laundry, made and transported her to appointments, cooked meals, and kept her company. It was difficult, but things seemed to be managed. I left and the house got destroyed all over again and she became a shut in.

I feel angry at myself for walking away when it got too hard and angry at my uncle for not doing more. He’s a big part of why I stepped in in the first place. I thought maybe though that things would be different this time. My mom also said I needed to focus on my son and relationship with my now husband. She told me not to feel guilty, that I was doing what I needed to do for my family. Yet, a part of me still feels so angry with myself. I need to let it go, but not sure how. I need to stop being angry with my uncle for letting things get the way they did, with my other family members for not being there at all, and with others, who like myself, maybe could have done more. I need to let go. She was old, unhappy, and in pain. It was time for her to be called home.

Something else weighing heavily on my mind is my son and this court situation. I need to stop obsessing over what I can’t control, give it to God, and pray for the best outcome for my boy. It’s easier said than done though. His well-bing and happiness are so important to me.

I fought the good fight, as it were, nine years ago. If I’m being honest, it went the way it needed to back then. I didn’t see that at the time. I didn’t lose and neither did his dad. Our son won, because he finally had a set schedule with me and that was much needed. His dad retained placement and I saw that as a slap in the face, but now I know it was what was best at that time.

Things have changed drastically over the years and I, along with many others, no longer feel this is what’s best, not for him or anyone closely involved. He has been asking us for years to have primary placement given back to me. His dad either ignored him, said let’s give it more time, or outright said it’ll never happen. I tried to work with him for years on this, but he won’t budge. Our son finally told me last summer, “He’ll never change his mind, Mom. You’ll need to go to court to make it happen.”

I held out hope for a little bit, with every bad thing that happened, I hoped his dad would see this change needed to happen, but he’s just dug his heels in more. So, I decided I was done waiting and would honor my promise to my son, he’d asked me to promise that I’d never give up on him and that I’d fight to bring him home. So, that’s what I’m doing. It’s been stressful on everyone. I pray it goes well, that it’ll all have been worth it. I just want to see my son happy and successful.

It feels good to write about these things, to get them off my chest and not feel judged, like I need to vindicate or explain myself. It’s freeing to express my thoughts and feelings. I hope doing this more will help me live less bogged down mentally and become a better version of myself. I hope this will lead me to take better care of myself, in all ways.

I got a diffuser and essential oils for sleep and stress aides, better pillows to help with sleep, joined the Optavia program to help with my physical and emotional health, am working on praying more to help with my spiritual health, and am now turning back to my writing as well, to help myself grow. Here’s hoping and here’s to my health!

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No Shame in Walking Away

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When you see someone you love in need

Often times the first instinct is to help out

You want to erase all pain, sorrow, & doubt

To see their minds at ease & hearts freed

 

Sometimes, things work out for those we love

Our efforts are successful & they’re grateful

Other times, things go awry and instead they’re hateful

Or we’re simply taken for granted & we cry to heaven above

 

Why is that sometimes those who are supposed to be closest to us

Are the ones that cause us the most heartache & pain

It should be easy to walk away from those only interested in what they can gain

But when there’s bonds that tie, it’s often not easy to leave without a fuss

 

Sometimes we never find the strength to walk away

For we’re family, family sticks together always, right?

Other times though, we rid the toxic from our sight

And we see there’s no shame in not wanting to stay

 

We ought to look out for one another, especially our family

But there’s nothing wrong with not tolerating abuse

Sometimes we find after trying to help for so long, what’s the use?

One can only try for so long before they need to set themselves free.

Happy New Year

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Another year is gone and a new one has began. A new chapter has started, it’s time to make these 365 pages, well 364 now, count. Things will happen that are out of our control and we’re bound to face loss, death, illness, and so on. But, that doesn’t mean we have to let the bad circumstances we find ourselves faced with bring us down. They say our lives are what we make of it, so I am trying to keep that in mind as I wake up each day. I am ready to face this new year head on, are you? 🙂

No excuses, no blaming the past, no pointing the finger at someone else, and no giving up! Let’s see what we want to achieve and begin, one step at a time – Rome wasn’t built in a day they say, and make things happen. Want to publish a book, start a business, go back to school, move, get a new job, find love, make new friends, strengthen the relationships you already have, or maybe even just something like dye your hair and do something to feel better about yourself? Whatever it is you have in mind for 2017, you’re in the driver’s seat, so go on and make things happen! Now, I need to take my own advice! Happy New Year, friends! Let’s make this one great!

Definitions Change

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It’s 10:00 p.m. and I’m just about ready to go

My friends should be there by the time I arrive

It’s just a typical Wednesday night

The beer is 25 cents a glass, though I drink whiskey sours

Let’s dance until close, laughing and flirting the night away

 

It’s 7:30 a.m. and I’m finally going to sleep

I wake up at Noon and I’m slow to start my day

We often talk about changing how we live

But day after day, it’s the same routine

No responsibilities, so carefree and living la vida loca

 

Fast forward to today, many years later

My how life has changed

The time I used to go to bed is now the time I get up

My little girl needs to be changed and fed

It’s time for Disney, learning, and baby talk

 

We get invited to shows, parties, and other nightlife events

Most times, we decline and stay home

And most of those resounding no’s are said without regret

Some think we’ve lost our edge

Because we now prefer family nights over partying

 

But though we’ve gone from drinking on weeknights

To nightly walks with our baby and game nights with my 13 year old

That doesn’t mean we forgot how to have fun

It simply means that our definition of the word has changed

And truthfully, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

 

Terry, I was inspired by your post today! 🙂 Thank you for your inspiration! Readers, you should check out his page here: https://terry1954.wordpress.com/

 

 

Time Flies When You’re Being Inspired

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Today Facebook reminded me that I began blogging on WordPress four years ago today.

So much has changed since I began this journey. I was going through a rough time in my life. My romantic, financial, and family life were all such a dramatic mess. But as I’d write about it, via status updates and poetry, a friend suggested I try blogging, to share my life with others and perhaps inspire people with each post.

I contemplated the idea and then decided to jump in elbows first. What an excellent experience it has been the last four years. I had no idea just how wonderful doing this would prove to be.

Thank you to each person I’ve met along the way, for each kindness you’ve all shown me, for the support you give me and my blog, for writing such amazing things and inspiring me, and for being a part of my life. I’m glad to have met each one of you. My life is all the more blessed having you in it. I love you guys and gals, immeasurably so.

Here’s to more joy, learning, growing, meeting new people, getting to know each of you better, friendship, family, ideas taking root, and love, ah yes, above all love. 💜💙💚💛

Influences, We All Have Them.

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I’d been posting every day for awhile and then I stopped. It’s not because I decided to quit blogging, but because my family and I have had a lot going on with packing, moving, unpacking, and getting situated in our new house. Rest assured that I’ll still be here, reading your blogs and writing my own, just need some time to get settled in. 😉

I would, however, like to pose a question before I go. I want to get your creative juices flowing and hear, or rather, read what you have to say. Help me get to know you better!

My question for you today is, who is your greatest influence. And actually, let me make that a two parter, please tell me why you chose who you did. 🙂 Be as in depth as you’d like! I hope to hear from you!

Before I go, I suppose I also ought to answer my own question. 😉 This one is tough. There are many that have influenced me over the years and many that still do. I’m going to choose my husband. He inspires me daily to be a better person, to make wiser decisions, and to never give up on myself. I was a mess when we first met and he’s helped me turn things around. I don’t know where I’d be without him.

Well, that’s all for now. Enjoy the blessings of your day!

 

Even Positive Changes Can Be Scary

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In one week from today, we close on both the home we’re selling and then the one we’re buying. Overall, I’m over the moon happy about the next steps in our journey together as a family.

I don’t like the town we currently live in anymore. It’s gone downhill so much. It’s become the norm to see cops on our block and that’s disheartening. I don’t want my kids to get accustomed to this. I want better for them and for all of us.

Part of this move is about safety and wanting to live in a better community. But, part of it is also because our current home is too small for our growing family. We’ve just outgrown this place. All in all, it’s time for us to move.

And like I said, I’m fairly happy about this move. I’m ready to see what God has planned for us. It’s going to be a good thing for our family. But, yet a part of me is sad and a bit scared too.

We’re moving to a town I’m fairly unfamiliar with and sometimes the unknown can be a bit scary. Will we find a church we like? Will we fit in? Will we become isolated? Will my kids like it?Will they make friends, especially my teenage son? There’s so many questions and I don’t yet know those answers.

I’m also a little sad about leaving because we’ll be further away from some people we’re close to. It’ll be a little difficult for us, especially me. I’m very much a social being a lot of the time. I know we’ll see our friends again, but it’s going to get even harder than it already is since having our daughter. That will definitely be an adjustment that will take getting used to. And how will I go about making new connections?

Mostly, I’m happy, been counting down the days for awhile. And I’m sure everything will work out wonderfully, just getting a little more nervous the closer we get. But, the excitement does trump the fear. Alright, let’s do this….

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