My Quest For A Fairytale Life

 

I spent years chasing my fairytale

And dreaming of a love built to last

Hoping my prince would sweep me off my feet

Together then we would find our happily ever after

 

After awhile it seemed that love would forever elude me

Each relationship I entered into failed miserably

And by the end of each one, I felt more and more lost

Stuck in a maze of loneliness, doubt, and failure

 

I prayed that God would send my prince to me

That he would help guide me out of the darkness

I imagined him fighting through the maze to find me

He would face many foes and defeat each one

 

How was I to know that I was the greatest challenge of all?

As much as I desired to love and be loved in return

I held it and any real chance of stability at arms length

Fearing what would happen if I ever let them get too close

 

As the days turned into years, my depression grew

And the anger at the world and at myself festered within me

Lashing out, just so tired of an imperfect world and life

Hating who I was, not knowing how to overcome the demons within

 

God slowly began to show me a path that would lead me out

That would guide me towards the life I desired

Though it would not be an easy path to take

But if I was brave enough, I would see it would all be worth it

 

After losing countless friends due to the demons within me

And many failed relationships, I began to waken from my nightmare

As I began to see the light up ahead and find the courage to follow it

Things began to change all around and within

 

Some things lost were never to be recovered

And while it broke my heart to realize this

I saw that He was bringing me to new and better things

As I bid goodbye to the past, a sense of hope was kindled in me

 

Some friendships were saved and new life was found within them

Relationships with family members were strengthened

The roadblocks between my son and I began to crumble

And now we’re closer than ever, now that my head is on straight

 

As the hope within me blossomed, the clouds above me thinned

I began to make my way through the dark maze

Holding onto the rays of light that were trying to guide me through

And after many years, I finally found my way out

 

At the exit, there he was, waiting for me

Knowing I could do it without a knight to come to the rescue

As I turned to look back at the maze, I realized something

In one sense, I did it on my own and yet, I was also never alone

 

I had to find the courage and will within me to fight the demons

But that courage came from God

And when I thought I was walking alone

He was there beside me, guiding me every step of the way

 

And the support of many that loved me was within me

Cheering me on, I just didn’t see them

My eyes were too focused on the difficulties to really see

But even in my darkest times, I was never alone

 

Now here I stand, still taking things one day at a time

I still have some rough days

But they’re not like before

This time, I know I will make it through them all

 

As it turned out, my fairytale wasn’t something I needed to chase

It needed to find me, when the time was right

When I was truly ready for it

When it was meant to be

 

My prince doesn’t ride upon a magnificent steed

And nor does he battle to save my life

Though he does wage wars with the demons inside my head

But together we fight them and we always win

 

When I feel like I will fall apart, he is there to help me

He balances me out, stabilizes me

But he does not control me

He lets me know that I can do whatever I set my mind to

 

I found within him not only my partner, but also my best friend

And I in turn, do all that I can to help him

As he walks with me, I walk with him each day of our lives

Helping one another through the bad times & together celebrating the good ones

 

We also remember to nourish our friendships

Not only enjoy our time together

But also our time apart

Enjoying all that makes us who we are

 

We are blessed, both as a couple and as individuals

We have family that loves us

Friends that adores us

Jobs, a home, pets to raise, and one another to come home to

 

Life will never be perfect

Not even in fairytales

But as I realized that

It was then I saw just how beautiful it is