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Ms. Hyde

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There is a song by Halestorm called Mz. Hyde and I found that I could identify with it a bit. Living with Bi-Polar disorder, well sometimes I am Ms. Hyde and sometimes I’m Dr. Jekyll, just depends on the day, sometimes the moment. And, one really never knows in advance which girl you will be dealing with, including myself. 😉 Dealing with Schizophrenia hasn’t been easy either, seeing & hearing things that I swear are real and really haven’t had many in my life who can relate. Here’s a poem that talks about my struggles with Bi-Polar & Schizophrenia, how it shapes my life, and how I refuse to let it hinder me.

Yesterday I was all sunshine & roses, just as happy as can be

Today, well it seems that’s entirely a different story

And tomorrow might just bring a whole new wave of emotions

They say it’s due to a chemical imbalance in my brain, but I refuse to take their potions

 

Once upon a time, before I truly understood what was going on inside of me

The things that went on inside of my mind terrified me, the voices wouldn’t let me be

Back then, I was ashamed & kept much of went on inside of me to myself

I didn’t want to know what would happen if I let my feelings fall off the dusty shelf

 

I was already labeled a freak for being poor, smart, & one who cried so easily

To many in school & even at home, it seemed my feelings were viewed as measly

So the voices within & the books I read were my best of friends

I could journey beyond with them to places where evil lost and love won in the end

 

I found I’d rather live my life in fairy-tales, where the characters seemed so real

The joy I found there, knowing they didn’t judge me never lost its appeal

I wanted to have friends in the land called reality

But very few seemed to have interest in truly getting to know me

 

As the years went by, the darkness within my mind grew

Some knew I had issues, but as to what they were, no one had a clue

There did come a time when I did turn to medicine & therapy

I wanted to have a mind that was at least somewhat healthy

 

Pills really did more harm than good in the end, so eventually I quit

Though therapy did often help out, that I can truly admit

It helped to have someone unbiased for me to talk to

Someone that didn’t freak out about my mind hosting a wild zoo

 

It’s been years since I have taken an anti-depressant or seen a therapist

I decided that I wanted to find a way to live without those aids to assist

I turned to writing, music, prayer, photography, talking it out, & even meditation

So now I am happy to say that I can lead a happy life without costly therapy & medication

 

My own brands of therapy have proven to be quite successful for me

Anyone who really knows me has told me the positive changes are easy to see

I found that opening up about my struggles has been a good thing after all

I just had to find the courage to break down that giant wall

 

Gone are the days I let my mental health issues hinder my life

Yes, there are days when it’s difficult to handle the inner strife

And it’s true that being a part of my world can be difficult at times

But those who have stuck around found it worth it to listen to my rhymes

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