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I was inspired by Evan‘s blog today. Sometimes it is hard to give yourself credit for where you currently are in life because we’re often too busy dwelling on where we want to be instead of where we are now, what we have already accomplished. I am so guilty of doing that, so busy focusing on what I haven’t yet achieved. I beat myself up too much mentally, so many of us do, perhaps without even realizing it. We can be our worst critics and find it hard to accept praise when we feel we could have done so much better or that we should be in a better place than where we are.

If you met up with my 16 year old self and asked me where I’d be when I am my current age of 34, I would have given you an answer like this: I’d have graduated college, be working a job I really love, be happily married, and have two or three kids. I’d be the soccer mom, taking her kids to their practices, still busy writing and maybe even have something published, be active in church and probably a member of the choir, and just have an overall busy and successful life.

If you’d asked me that same question when I was 25, I’d probably has said: I know I didn’t do it as early as I’d planned, but I will still be done with school, working a decent job, maybe happily married, at least happily dating a wonderful man who accepts my son, still writing and maybe have something published, and hopefully busy with music, church, etc.

If you’d asked me this when I was 30, I’d have said: I will either be done with school or at least nearly finished, be working a good job, losing hope on the happily ever after thing…but still hoping somehow though that I have found the right guy, working on my writing, be busy with church and music, hoping to have more time with my son, and just trying to do the best that I can.

Here I am now at 34, not exactly where I’d envisioned myself. I, for so long, berated myself as many other people did for not being successful, for not being like so many others in my family. This last year has changed a lot, not just my circumstances, but how I view myself, my past, my present, and my future. I may not have a degree, a husband, any of my writing published, and so on, BUT…I have accomplished quite a bit.

My 20-23 year old self was consumed with being accepted, hanging out with the wrong people, getting into trouble, and not being responsible. My 24-28 year old self was slowly getting her act together, but still had a long way to go. My 29-33 year old self was beginning to feel better about where I was headed. So, where am I now?

I am starting school, been accepted and everything, in April. Everything with my grandma since July of 2012 has been so trying and the old me would have given up a long time ago. I have had my moments of weakness, but I have pulled through. I have an amazing boyfriend, one whom I truly believe I will be marrying one day. He is amazing with my son, treats me with such respect and love, and is good to my friends and family. I am still writing and now sharing it with more people than I ever have before. I am connecting more with God than I have in a long time, keeping my faith alive…which has got me through so much. I am much braver when it comes to my music. I even auditioned for America’s Got Talent last year via YouTube. I didn’t get anywhere, but I did try.

I am bolder, more confident, more responsible, more comfortable with who I am, and am truly proud of all I have overcome and achieved. I may not be where I want to be, but I am a lot closer than I have ever been. I don’t see a failure when I look in the mirror anymore. I see someone who is trying, someone who is capable of doing such great things, someone who has already accomplished a great deal, someone who is worthy of respect, success, and love. It was a long road, I tripped, and fell many times along the way. Here I stand now, dust brushed off, and ready to keep moving forward.

Where will I be when I am 40 or even 35 when I have my birthday this year? I really couldn’t say. I have dreams and goals, which I will pursue. I will also though remember to live in the moment that is now. Where I am now is not bad and I must remember that. My wish for all of you is that you can do the same.


Comments on: "Appreciating where you are…." (15)

  1. I think we all have moments where we look back and think…I didn’t know life was going to be this way. But you are moving forward every day. You have so much to brag about! Being a wonderful mother and an inspiration for others to accept themselves for who they are is definitely something to be proud of. I happen to think you’re rocking the place:)


    • ramblingsofabipolarwoman said:

      Thank you, you are so wonderful! 🙂 I am glad I inspire, that I give hope, that I show people that they can overcome their past and make something wonderful of their lives. I had people who inspired me to turn my life around, who showed me I had it within myself to do this, and now it’s my turn to give that hope to others. 🙂


  2. I thnk I would have liked you at all points of your life…because even with all your challenges…similar but different than mine , you keep adjusting. That is called growth of character. I am 10 years older than you and I know this process never stops. And in a strange way it gets more fun or interesting or frustrating…all depending on the day. But days whizz by so…whatever. bring it on


    • ramblingsofabipolarwoman said:

      Aww and I probably would have liked you too! Growth of character, indeed and that’s what we do throughout life….grow. It certainly does depend on the day lol, but you’re right….life has gotten more fun, interesting, frustrating, and more wonderful as I have gotten older and learned how to appreciate people and the events of my life more. Bring it on indeed and thank you for being a part of my journey! 🙂


  3. It’s SO good to take inventory just to set your life in action. You’re right to have dreams and goals, without them, life would be pointless. I think you should be VERY proud of the young woman you still are 🙂 You’re amazing, compassionate, intelligent and very ambitious. I’m proud to know you and SO proud that you didn’t think it was too late to start school again. Way to go. Sounds like you have the world by the tail to me 🙂


    • ramblingsofabipolarwoman said:

      I am sure working on it. *laughs* I feel that as long as you’re able to do something, it’s not too late to do it. I am finally proud of who I am and who I am becoming. Thank you for your support and encouragement! I hope too that you are proud of who you are, because I know I certainly am! ❤


  4. We all beat ourselves up from time to time. Not surprising, is it? We are surrounded by images and messages that throw up examples of the best authors, athletes, parents, actors and models innumerable times a day. It’s no wonder we feel inadequate beneath this sort of media onslaught. We forget that we are unique, talented and loveable and whilst we may not rise to be the best in the world, being in the top 5% (no, really – think about how more you’ve achieved than the laziest, most cynical and disinterested person in the country) is not a shabby place to be.


    • ramblingsofabipolarwoman said:

      Indeed, I agree. Media definitely throws so many images of what they think we should be and when we fall prey to the insecurities they hope that we do, then we question our worth, depression sets in, and they appear to have won. It’s hard to look around us and not compare ourselves to others, be it media or those right next door. How to feel comfortable in one own’s skin can be tricky, but yeah it is so possible. Shed the images people wish us to have and dream our own dreams, not ones given to us by what society tells us we want….look in the mirror and know that God made us the way that He did for a reason. It’s good to now see myself in not such a bad place, as a person who is beautiful inside and out, and someone worth respect, loyalty, friendship, and love….no matter what society may think. ❤


  5. A very amazing post and message….and i love you the way you are! Nicely written and well delivered. Thanks for always blessing me also!


  6. This post was so inspirational hunni

    really makes you realise every now and again you have to stop planning everything an smell the flowers around you xx

    Well done on your blog I totally love it and also I am amazed you auditioned for a talent show, that is so brave !!
    Even if nothing happens with it right now , huge pat on the back for being confident enough to show your talents .

    Very proud of you

    Victoria xx


    • ramblingsofabipolarwoman said:

      Thank you! Yeah, sometimes it can be so difficult to quiet your mind, let go of the worries, and just enjoy what is…but it is important to find that time to do it. Thank you for always being so supportive, dear…your friendship means a lot to me and knowing you’re proud of me means a great deal. ❤ LOVE ❤


  7. Just what I needed to read. Thanks!


  8. As I was wandering through your blog I found this one and it particularly resonated with me. I loved it so much! I never really thought about it but even when you are much younger, you tend to have regrets or if you are wise like you seem to have proven here, you grasp the realization early enough. This was one great post!
    Thank you.
    I thought I’d share a little poem with ya that I wrote about the same subject a while back:


    • ramblingsofabipolarwoman said:

      Thank you! Also, thank you for sharing the poem, had to go read it and I found that I loved it. To undo a single moment in our lives would change so much and I believe that our lives turn out the way they do for a reason. Each stumbling block helps us grow, each heartache makes us stronger and wiser, and I also believe that out of some of the worst moments in our lives comes some of the greatest….


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