I have heard from several people lately that perhaps the reason why my job search is so rough is because God is trying to tell me that I should be focusing more on my writing. They think that is how I should be making my money. I don’t have a clue though as to where to start. I would love to have my poetry put into books, published, and sold at places like Barnes and Noble. I would love to have my work out there for millions to read, but I don’t know how to go about it, especially when I don’t have the money to pursue it. Is there a way for starving artists such as myself to chase my dream?
I am not the young girl without responsibilities holding me down anymore. I have a son, bills to pay, and things I need to take care of. I take care of my grandma and she’s helped out a bit financially, but she only has so much and has her own bills that need to be paid…I know, I am the one who pays her bills and manages her bank account. She has been doing so much for me for years and while I am caring for her, I still feel badly about this. I want to be able to take care of my bills myself. I have been searching for months, have gone on countless interviews, and nothing has panned out. I feel like I am the queen of interviews, as my step-mom put it the other day. My resume is updated and polished up quite nicely, I wear proper attire, and I go into each one with my game face on. I keep getting such good vibes at most of them and in the end, nothing. Either they choose someone else or they decide not to fill the position after all.
It is so frustrating in this day and age to be looking for a job, especially when so much of my time is dedicated to taking care of my grandma and I also have my 10 year old son with me part time. I keep up the search because I want to be working, to feel productive, to be able to take care of my own needs. I do not like to depend on others, never have. I will keep searching and I will keep writing too. Somehow, some way, God will point me towards the proper path and I will take it. I know He has a plan for me. It is just so frustrating sometimes not knowing what it is, not knowing which way to go.
Writing is second nature to me. I carry a pen with me everywhere, never know when a new muse will find me and inspiration strikes. I have been doing this since I was my son’s age. I can’t imagine not writing or in this case, typing. 😉 It’s an outlet for me, became one when I felt so alone and just needed to find a way to express my feelings, even if it was just to a journal or a piece of scrap paper. It’s been a great friend to me, the written word, both writing it and reading it. I do want to chase my dream, I just don’t know how, where to start. Could I be the next J.K. Rowling, only in the poetry world? I do dabble in short stories and have works in progress for books, but poetry is my first love. If anyone knows where I should begin my quest of becoming published and known to the public, tell me! 🙂 Until then, I will keep sharing it here, on the other writing sites, on Facebook, etc. Because even if I am never well known like Edgar Allen Poe, Emily Dickinson, etc, I am still known via the internet and through my friends and family. This is actually rewarding enough. I don’t NEED to be paid to do this, I do it because I enjoy it and because I like sharing it with others. The size of my audience doesn’t determine how happy I am or how successful I am, not really. I have touched many hearts throughout the ages and that really has been tremendously humbling and worth every sore wrist, night of lost sleep because I had to get my ideas out, and every bit of hard work I put into this.
Still, I’d be lying if I said that if the chance to launch my career presented itself that I would refuse to take it. I’d be a total fool, in my mind, not to take it. I am not alone in the dream of wanting to be known, to be heard by as many people as I possibly can. So, I chase the 9-5 job and the dream of being published and making money that way. Whichever pans out, so be it. If I am sitting behind a desk, working an office job, I won’t complain. I will still have WordPress, Wiffledust, and so on. My family and friends will still support me. I won’t be heartbroken if this is the extent of accomplishing my dream, because it’s more than many get and it has touched my life so much already. Thank you, readers and fellow bloggers for being supportive! There are 80 of you now following this blog and even more who have just stopped by to appreciate a random post. I have said it before, will say it now, and many more times in the future….THANK YOU! Thank you for being a part of this journey, you have made it amazing thus far! ❤