I had up until recently compared my love life to that of Bella Swan’s from the Twilight saga. In so many ways, it seemed to fit.
I had my Edward. I met him and we fell in love instantaneously. The spark was so bright, the fire ignited, so intense, so real. So often there were people who didn’t like our relationship, people thought he was all wrong for me, but I always fought them on it. People just didn’t understand after all.
We were on and off, but always found our way back to one another. Just as things seemed to be going well again, he took off for Minnesota because his job offered him a promotion. I was heartbroken for he did not wish to take me with, wanted to do this alone. His goodbye lacked emotion, oh wait, I didn’t even get a goodbye. I yelled at him for that and we didn’t speak for a month. Then he came home for a visit and made sure to run into me so that we could talk. As had become commonplace, we’d fight, not speak, and then he’d make sure to see me so we could straighten things out. Though this had become pattern, I wasn’t ready to let him go. I didn’t care what anyone said. He was still my Edward, this was just going to take time to work. My Edward did at one point ask me to join him and I was over the moon happy, but then he went back to being distant and ignored me. I was hurt and confused.
In that time while Edward was in Minnesota and remaining silent, I met my Jacob. We too became close and rather quickly, though not as quickly as my Edward and I had. I was lonely, I really missed Edward. I was drawn to Jacob immediately though, those piercing blue eyes captivated me. We talked a couple of times where we’d met, then we finally exchanged numbers. Our friendship grew rapidly and then a romantic connection was forged. Jacob was a good friend and now more than that.
Then Edward had to come home to Wisconsin, things just didn’t work out up there. Uh oh. What was I going to do? I loved two men and I wasn’t sure what either of them wanted. Edward said in time that we’d probably end up back together, but wasn’t ready yet because he wanted to get his life back on track. Jacob said he didn’t know what he wanted and wasn’t ready for a commitment because he too had too many things he wanted to take care of first.
Yeah, so it’s not quite Bella Swan’s story, but it had a lot in common with it. I was caught between two men who said they cared for me. My Edward left, my Jacob was there for me while he was gone and I fell for him, then Edward returned and I knew I was more drawn to Edward, but my heart knew I loved Jacob too.
My ending is very different. I didn’t choose Edward or Jacob. Neither one of them were right for me. I throw a twist into my version of the story. Through odd circumstances, I become close to Seth Clearwater. He and I start out as friends, just friends. He was there for me when I needed someone to talk to or just hang out with. Very quickly, that friendship grows and I realize he’s become my best friend. I can talk to him about anything and he never judged me. He made me laugh and smile every time we hung out. I knew I could count on him. I saw just how good and loyal of a friend he is. It didn’t take long from then for me to realize I was falling in love with my best friend. Seth was younger than either Edward or Jacob and yet, he was more mature, stable, and not so selfish. He truly cared about me and wasn’t just there when it worked out for him. He made me feel truly appreciated, special, worth something.
I felt there was something special growing between Seth and I, so I said something to him about it, asked him how he felt. At first, he did admit to liking me, but he held back, said we’d be better suited as friends. My heart fell. But, it didn’t take long for him to sort things out, to come around. He too was scared, scared of losing the friendship we’d been building, afraid of being hurt because the one he’d given his heart to was very careless with it and pulled it through the wringer. He decided to give things a chance though, just wanted to go slowly. We agreed that we’d both rushed our last relationships and wanted to take our time, really get to know one another.
Somehow though, it hasn’t taken that long for things to become serious and something stable and long lasting. It’s been just over three months since we started dating and in many ways, it feels like we’ve been together for a lifetime. I am not enchanted by vampires and werewolves, but my story certainly has had a lot of twists and turns. I am like Bella in that I am a brunette, quite klutzy, and had a heart that was confused as to which direction to go. Also, in the end, I was able to find my way to the one I truly belong with and now I have my prince charming. He doesn’t sparkle, turn into a wolf, ride a white horse, live in a castle, or any of that, but he made me rich just by loving me. I don’t care how corny any of it sounds, I love him with all I have and I want to make sure that each day he knows how valued, special, and so very loved he is.
Love doesn’t always pan out the way you want it to. Sometimes your heart gets broken over and over, sometimes you’re with the same person from childhood and they’ve been the only one you’ve ever loved, sometimes work out right away, sometimes they take awhile, and for some, they never do. Some never find the one they’re meant to be with, some have more than one true love over the course of a lifetime, some just have that one. My road was scattered with broken dreams and heartaches that ended up crunched underneath my feet like leaves, crackling and then the pieces were blown all over. Though around another bend, just when I was saying to myself that I am done trying….there he was, waiting to help me heal and waiting to be healed himself. I think we had to go through what we did before we found one another so that we’d know what love wasn’t and then find instead with one another what it truly is.