I have given a lot of thought to some things lately and I want to share the mutterings of my mind with you.
For so long, I went around saying that love can be cruel, full of heartache and sorrow. I now view this differently. It is not love itself that causes heartache, that causes one to hurt. What causes the pain is the absence of love. Love itself has the power to help, to heal, to change hearts for the better. When we lack love, when we’re not loved in return, this is when the pain starts.
I am also done blaming others and circumstances for where I am in life, for the things I have done. We’re not a product of circumstance, we are a product of our own decisions. Bad things happen to everyone, but it’s not those things that determine who we are. Our choices are what shows the world what we’re made of.
I am bi-polar and schizophrenic, for years I blamed them for the many bad decisions I have made. I also blamed my mom, blamed her for not being there for me. I blamed her boyfriend from way back when and the things he did to me, blamed him for my heart being so twisted. I blamed my dad for neglecting me, for my problems with not trusting men. I blamed our lack of money and not being able to have the clothes, toys, and such that I wanted on why I didn’t have a lot of friends as a kid. I blamed old boyfriends and the pain they caused for continuing to distrust men, relationships, and love. I blamed so many people and situations for the problems in my life and that caused a lot of needless anger, resentment for myself and others, and pain.
The things that have happened to me over the years have shaped me into who I am now. I do not let any of it define me though. I refuse to be held down by my disorders, my family drama, old wounds. I now choose to take responsibility for my own actions and to move forward with my life in a positive way. I want to tell each of you reading this my decision and want to invite you to join me in this journey.
We each have the power to do great things in life. We can let our pasts hinder us or we can choose to let them teach us and help us to do better now. We can’t control what people do to us, how others react to the things we say and do, but what we can control is our own words and actions. I want to do better with what I say and do. I want to inspire, lift people up, help others. I want my actions to speak of the love I have for God, for myself, and for humanity.
The world has many dark places, but it has not yet surrendered to the void. There is still so much light left all across the world. I see it in the kindness that many still show one another. I see it when a guy helps out an elderly woman he doesn’t know get her groceries into her trunk. I see it when the woman behind me in line offers me change because I am 32 cents short of what I need. I see it when my son helps out around the house and actually expects nothing in return. I see it when people give of their money and time to help those who have no where to go find shelter, food, and clothing. I see love all around me. I could cling to the evil that surrounds us, but I instead choose to cling to that love that people still show one another. I have not given up on us as a human race. God’s love shines still, ever so bright.
I am not where I want to be, not yet, but nor am I held down by who I once was. I can actually look into the mirror and love who I see. I am making changes to better my life and the lives of those around me. I want to thank each of you who have followed my blog, liked a post, left a comment. This community has taught me so much. I love reading what each of you has to say. It’s changed my perspective on some things, shown me the light still shines from afar in other’s hearts, made me laugh, made me cry, and just made me feel. Thank you for sharing your stories, poems, thoughts, dreams, pictures, jokes, and so much more. Thank you for sharing in my life as well, you’re all great. Keep up the great work and keep stopping by! Go out and conquer the world, one dream and one light at a time! The time is now, the decisions are yours to make, make a difference!